Videogames are a horrible influence on today’s youth, because children recklessly try to imitate them. Our hospitals are filled with countless youngsters who have been jumped on by Mario-wannabes, hit by Punch Out! enthusiasts, and beaten up by Super Smash Bros. Brawl fans. There seems to be no limit to the tragedies that videogames hath wrought.
With that in mind, today we bring you the tragic tale of a boy named Ness who was unable to tell the difference between games and reality.
This poor child has had his brain rotted by videogames, and thinks he is trapped in some sort of RPG. He has recently been seen running wild in the town of Onett, where he has attacked a number of helpless runaway dogs with his baseball bat. He has also broken into several houses and robbed people of their valuables.
Concerned citizen Pokey Minch made the phone call to the police–
Um…Pokey made the phone call which led to the arrest–
Fuzzy Pickles Photographer, do you have to take a new picture of Ness every twenty seconds? I’ll never get to the end of the article at this rate!
Ah, phooey. Now I don’t feel like writing anymore.
Anyway, Ness was arrested for various counts of burglary, disturbing the peace, and truancy. He is not worried, however; he claims he will be rescued from jail by a time-traveling butterfly or his psychic friend Paula Franzena. Clearly, this misguided child’s parents need to do more for their son besides calling him every now and then. In the meantime, Ness will be another helpless victim of videogame overdosing.