Every once in a while, we here at GameCola get e-mails from people who want us to promote their stuff. Sometimes it’s merely a press release for an upcoming videogame; other times, it’s a shamed company who wants the public to know that they’re not all about porno and farts—they’re actual people, too, just like you or I.
…Who also happen to really like farts.
And sometimes it’s an open letter from Oleg (MEGAMASTER). He wants former Blizzard VP Bill Roper to know about his upcoming project, Diablo 3.5, which he describes as “it’s in a certain way and your child too.” This is his story, and it’s so much better if you read it out loud in a funny voice.
My Name Is Oleg (MEGAMASTER).
And I Born In Siberya Child On My Own Experience I Know What Is Blizzard.
Hello Bill Roper. We Making New Organization – Blizzard 2.0
StarCraft 2 Is Good (For Me This is StarCraft 1.7) But I Want More.
In short, we are waiting for release 3.0 Deeble And then with you, Bill Roper, team of your friends from Blizzard North, With the best concept art in the world and the best of Korean and U.S. experts that whe can find, Create Diablo 3.5. With a Specific Sense of reality Blizzard 2.0, Quality and Your, Respected Bill Roper’s vision.
I Think That The Whole Shit That Was Trowned You From Blizzard Shareholders Was At Least Unfair.
With me you can do in the game Diablo everything you want.
About copyright Blizzard brands and Diablo, Do not worry, with Your name and my experience Russo Russo, We easily walk through anything. At least that noise that can be called by the Copyrights will attract a lot of attention. As regular users and investors. As regular users and investors as well.
Bill Roper, I sincerely hope that you will not stop at the what we have today, But You’ll move forward, mabye with us Blizzard 2.0,It’s in a certain way and your child too.
To initiate and implement this project, from this everyone wins. Bill Roper, Blizzard 2.0 Blizzard 1.0 and most importantly Big Army of Followers.
Sincerely, Oleg (MEGAMASTER).
This e-mail wasn’t just sent to GameCola—it was sent to Destructoid, The Escapist, RPG Gamer, and a whole bunch of other sites. So far, for some reason, we’re the only ones to publish it.
That English is so bad that it sounds like he’s the guy who translated Contra Rebirth.