Over 8 million people purchased Halo 3. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas sold a whopping 12 million. And Nintendo can’t defecate out Pokémon and “Wii Insert Random Thing To Do Here” games fast enough to completely satisfy the masses. But with all these amazing successes, there have been numerous games and even complete series that have fallen to the wayside. Remember: for every Super Mario Bros., there’s a Shutokou Battle 2: Drift King Keichii Tsuchiya & Masaaki Bandoh. As a proud gamer, I feel that it is my privilege—nay, my duty—to take some time and offer a brief glimpse at many of the games that disappeared into bargain bins and trash bins alike due to overshadowing from more prominent titles, as well as titles that will forever remain sequestered within one region of the world. You’d better be prepared to be educated a little, because there is much that you haven’t seen.

April 2012:
Super Cartridge Version 2: 10-in-1

Hi, Ominous Voice.

HEY, YOU. UH, HOW’S IT GOING?

Fairly well, and yourself?

MMM, THINGS AREN’T LOOKING TOO SHABBY FOR ME.

Good.

YES, GOOD…

…

…

…

SO, I, UH, HEAR YOU DIDN’T PARTICIPATE IN THE GAMECOLA 10TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATIONS.

Yeah, looks like I wasn’t part of that.

HEY, AT LEAST YOU WERE ASKED. NOBODY EVEN WANTED TO HEAR MY VIVACIOUS TALES.

That’s too bad! You’re practically the lifeblood of this site! All six readers of GameCola depend on us to deliver the inspiring message that there’s more to gaming than just what you see on the store shelves and in the Indie Games section of XBLA! Not inviting you to the festivities is a travesty, one that should not go unpunished!

HEADS MUST ROLL AND BEARDS MUST BE IMPALED ON PIKES!

Yes!!

…

…

WE GOOFED, DIDN’T WE.

What do you mean?

WE REALLY SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO HONOUR THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF GAMECOLA, EVEN IF WE DO LOATHE THEIR WEDDING WAYS.

Hey! It’s never too late! Let’s do something right now!

LIKE WHAT? I WAS THINKING MAYBE A CARROT CAKE WITH AN EDIBLE PHOTO OF ZACH RICH AND MICHAEL RIDGAWAY LOOKING SWARTHY.

Mmmm, that doesn’t have pizazz. Besides, that was already on Paul Franzen’s wedding cake.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, THE WEDDING WE WEREN’T INVITED TO, YES… WELL, THIS IS AN OBSCURE GAME ARTICLE. IS THERE SOMETHING “TEN”-ISH WE COULD USE? WHAT ABOUT 10-YARD FIGHT?

Nah, that’s not obscure enough. It’s propping up too many end tables across the nation. But I do like your “ten”-ish idea. Lucky for you, I have just the very thing in my pocket here!

GOOD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN WHEN YOU PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR PANTS.

That’s right! I have here a rare unlicensed game! It’s Super Cartridge Version 2: 10-in-1! It boasts a wonderful total of ten games; that should cover our butts and give the 10th anniversary of GameCola the love it deserves.

MAN, NOT ONE OF THOSE MULTICART THINGS. THOSE FALL OUT OF BUZZARD BACKSIDES AND INTO THE CONSOLES OF THE DUMB.

Calm yourself. It could be a good game! Super Cartridge Version 2: 10-in-1 was released by Sachen, known for many a quality game, such as Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu, Olympic I.Q., and Middle School English. OK, I lied; there are no good Sachen games. But at least this one is a bargain: ten games for the price of one! And what a marvelous array of games there are. First is “Hidden Chinese Chess,” a pitiful four-row game that…well, basically, IS Chinese chess. I’ve never really played Chinese chess, but it plays too much like American checkers, and I don’t like that game either.

There are seven card games here, and that sucks, because I have no clue how I’m playing any of them; in fact, I felt like the computer was basically playing the whole damn thing. The repertoire consists of Omnibus Hearts, Fan Tan, Chinese Rummy, Max 2, Ghost Buster, 99, and Change Around. They all suck. There’s no way for me to know how to play, so how about we just pass on these crappy games? They all look mostly the same, except for perhaps the background of the little table in the middle of the screen.

Last but not least is a fortune-telling game. But Sachen was most generous: they gave us a Chinese version AND an English version (helping them to add up to a total of ten games on the cartridge, if you can call the last two “games”). I’m not certain how the game determines your fate, but it does so using a silly game where you try to get as many sets of four of different cards; the most you get, the better your chances of good luck. It’s awful. And the English version is worse because I can read it. That’s right.

WELL, WELL. I GUESS I WON’T BE GOING SUPER CARTRIDGE VERSION 2: 10-IN-1 HUNTING TONIGHT.

Damn right you won’t. Try it and I’ll fight you with a gherkin.

SO, I GUESS THAT WAS OUR OWN PRIVATE 10TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION.

Yes. Yes, it was. Happy 10th Anniversary, GameCola! Be joyous and don’t play Super Cartridge Version 2: 10-in-1, or the gherkin’ll getcha!

AND STOP GETTING MARRIED, TOO. SERIOUSLY, THIS IS OUT OF HAND.

Oh, yes, right, that.