E3 is coming up, and people are making all sorts of crazy E3 predictions. We’re hearing everything, from “a Metroid/Star Fox crossover game” to “Xbox 720.” Today, “Fabricated News” is going to let you know about the three most plausible E3 rumors.
1. [Insert company here] will announce a new game for [popular franchise].
This makes up about 40% of the E3 buzz every year. We’ve actually created a chart, which measures how people react to new game announcements.
|
Series |
Year of Last Game Released | Reaction |
| Myst | 2005 | “Oh, that’s cool. …I guess.” |
| Mega Man | 2010 | “I’ll have to pick that up when it comes out.” |
| Mario | 2011 | “Hey, a new Mario game! That’s unexpected!” |
| Madden | 2012 | “NO WAY!!! THAT’S AWESOME!!!!! I THOUGHT THAT SERIES WAS CANCELLED!!!!!!!!” |
As you can see, the more popular a series is, the more surprising it is when they make new games for it. Expect lots of surprise over obvious sequels this year at E3! Of course, you can also expect one or two new installments from “dead” franchises like Bubble Bobble, but people will find this news much less surprising.
2. [Insert company here] will show off footage for [anticipated upcoming game].
This makes up 60% of the E3 buzz every year. Companies will proudly give “exclusive looks” at their upcoming games, because they know “exclusive looks” is code for “free advertising.”
I actually did some research on this topic, and games that you can expect to see include…
- Grand Theft Auto 5
- Skyrim DLC
- Something else
- The new Disney game which has Uncle Scrooge in it. UNCLE SCROOGE. This is as close as we’re getting to Duck Tales 3. I’m buying it.
3. Game Titles Will Have An Excess of Colons.
Let’s face it: colons are very popular right now. All the game titles you’ll see at E3 will contain as many colons as possible. For example, you won’t see Kingdom Hearts 3DS. You will see Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance. You won’t see a Twilight videogame; you’ll see Twilight: The Videogame. This year’s winner for most colons goes to Assassin’s Creed 3, I mean, Assassin’s Creed 3: The Videogame: The Third Game in the Series: Not Counting the Other Ones: Not to Say They Aren’t Good: Please Buy Them, Too: Pretty Please: With Sugar on Top.
…I was joking when I made up that title, but if there was a game called Pretty Please: With Sugar on Top, I would buy it. Especially if it was a Square Enix RPG.
Anyway, there will definitely be lots of colons at E3 this year. Rumor has it that next year, games will switch from colons to apostrophes. Maybe even brackets! In any case, it is sure to be exciting. Stay tuned for more E3 coverage from GameCola!
I don’t say this often enough, but that game (in this case, Epic Mickey) looks like something I want to play from the screenshot alone.
So I just saw an ad on YouTube about Spike TV covering E3… you guys going to be watching that? And/or making fun of it again?
Oops! Apparently not! Several of us were live-snarking about it on Twitter (check out the list of GameCola staff members on Twitter here if you’re interested: twitter.com/#!/GameCola/gamecola-staff), but no livecast or anything like that.