Hacks’n’Slash #19: Earthbound 3: Mother 4

Will Tootie S. be able to master her Psykic powers in time to save ZA WARUDO???

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Banner by Shannon Hoover

We’ve done it again! Today on Hacks’n’Slash, we point our fanfiction reading skills inward to perform a piece written not only by the GameCola staff, but by our lovely fans as well! Join returning host Nathaniel Hoover along with Joseph Martin, Shannon Hoover, Diana Gray, Anna Bryniarski, Alex Jedraszczak, and John Rizzi as they tell the tale of the fabulous Tootie S. and her magical Psykic Adventures in this definitely legit Earthbound/Mother sequel. Click below to listen, and look even further below to read along!

And remember, if you missed out and want to be part of future Cool Things, be sure to visit our Discord! If you want to see other GameCola content (aside from what’s on this site) check out our YouTube channel for videogame playthroughs and iTunes for more podcasts (including the other episodes of this one)!

*Any references to the GameCola Faithful are purely cosmetic and do not reflect or represent the character of any real human person*


Chapter 1: A New New Beginning

Nestled in her cozy bed at her home in the small town of Threett, Tootie Switch was lost in dreams of cola and games when, suddenly, a violent crash broke the peaceful silence of the night. Sitting bolt upright in bed, she rubbed her eyes then rushed downstairs to find out what could have caused the tremendous tremor that ripped her from sleep.

The 77 year old bag in the bedroom sprung open the door only to be greeted by a thick layer of fog. Barely a thing outside was in sight. Tootie ran to the kitchen, climbed the cabinets and obtained a flashlight.

Flashlight in hand, she returned to the door, but upon shining her light into the foggy abyss, she saw a single pair of glowing lights looking back. Were they… EYES?!?!?!??!!!

Nah. It was a pair of floating ears. Yeet.

“Ear you go, said” the ears as they looked eaerily at our young striped hero. “Gamma “ said Tootie to her 77 years having grandmother “there are a bunch of exactly two ears at our fornt door!!”

“Your grandmother’s gone, dearie.” said Gerald Ford, appearing from behind her. “She was abducted by the Hearing Aides, a vicious gang of otolaryngologists who’ve been running amok in town lately causing all sorts of trouble like robberies, and stealing people’s ears!”

“Oh no!” tootee said to the Real Actual Gerald Ford. “I will have to safe her than! But how I do that??”dont worry” said Jerry Ford as his friends liked to call him “I will beequeeth upon you psykic powers” and then tootie had psykic powers.

“Wow! I totally just levled ^ without doing anything! Thnk u Jerry!” “Not a problem. Now if you’ll excuse me… I have to go wire your half brother, whom you’ve never met, $10,000 for defeating a floating fetus.” Jerry then left the room, leaving Tuutee to go on her adventure.


Chapter 2: Second Chapter

[({Author’s note: Hi guys, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, this is gonna be a new chapter I’m working on right now and there’s gonna be some coooooool stuff, also I don’t own Nintendo or Earthbound but I’ve played them before so it’s okay]]})]

Now that she had psykick powers, Tootie decided to take a quick rest before setting out on her adventure. She grabbed some leftover Bacon (her favorite homemade food) from the countertop for a snack in her journey. Fortunately the strange fog from earlier had finally cleared up in the daytime so she could see things now!

She went to step outside but her grandma called out You forgot to change out of your jamjams by dear”. She said soe she went back upstairs and changed out of her striped ParmaJohns (that’s what I like to call my pj’s don’t @ me) into her favorite striped shirt and went back outside.  The first thing she did is grab the Magic Butterfly that was floating by the house because ofcourse they all ways show up when you’re at full MP.

With this in mind, 2D captures the Butterfly in a jar and stores it for later. She makes her way down the road where she runs into an old friend, looking at closed off area (where the explosion was) in the distance.

“Hey, what happened?” Twodee asked her friend.

“There was an explosion!” they said.

“An explosion?!” Twodee explaned.

“There was an explosion!” they said.

“Why was there an explosion?” Twotee inquired inquisitively.

“There was an explosion!” they said.

Tootie realized she should probably move on to the next NPC at this point. She moved on from the friend to a person that you can tell is going to be important because this one has an Actual Name. This persons name is Jorm and he said the words “They’re saying that the explosion was caused by an underground weather baloon but i’m not buying it. “ Jorm was a big and tall guy who had legs for days as the kids like to say and also was apparently very suspicious of explosions.

Which makes alot of sense when you think about it beacuse explosiones are usualy very loud and annoying. And they can set things on fire which is bad and can cause not only property damage but also a lot of heat. So Jorm was pretty justified. “I’m feeling pretty justified right now, if you know what I mean. Explosions just get me so hot.” You looked up Jonrn’s dating profile on the popular dating app Mothr and he lists himself as “Explosexual”. He must be one of those hipsters.

Swiping left, Toody realized there was–gasp!–a hot single NPC right in her area! Her N. O. Lynch Atlas brand GPS marker said it best: only .1 meters away. She looked up from her app to see that the new NPC was indeed staring right at her wearing a T-shirt that said, “Pls ask me about tutorial info.”

“Did you know you can press L to talk and check things?” they said. Twodee nodded. “Oh.”

Tootie left the incredibly unhelpful tutoril man (who was not hot, btw) and continued on her merry way. She checked her twitter on the way and liked about five tweets before she got to the site of the explosion. “Dang. There was probably an explosion here,” she noted aloud to no one in particular.

“A real big explosin, too!”

“Who is there.” asked Tootie, looking all around

Why its me, Buzz Squared” said Buzz Squared. “I used time travels to get here. Its super important that we talk a-s-a-p.”

“I don’t know what asap means but we should talk right now,” tutie answered. 

“Uh, yeah, okay,” Buzz replied. “Okay so i’ve taken the form of this tiny insect so as not to alarm you, but on my planet i’m actually a really hot dude. Had to be said.” Tootie had her doubts about that, but dedided to hold onto her tounge to listen to what the right-angled bugm’n had to tell to her. “I am from an alien space planet but not the one this meteor explosion came from. We were attacked by a race of people that look like your human ears and our alien feet which is a wierd coincedince but hey whom am I to judge.

Tootie’s hottness doubts increased exponentially.

“So like…yeah! Maybe can you help? Maybe?” Buzz Squed asked?

“I’m only 9 years old, so I don’t know what much else I can do.” Said Tootie

“Please. I’m only 4 and I’m fighting an intergalactic war!” Exclaimed Buzz.

As Tootie’s doubts reached her limits, she runs over to the nearest police officer.

“Mister… can you help me?” She asks.

“Why sure young la… ah!” The Officer, startled by Buzz, swats him as fast as he could. The force causes Buzz to slam into the police car and drop to the ground.

“Did you see that huge bug I just killed” the officer said proudly. “I think I just daved humanity with my actions today.”

“That’s great and all” Tootie dismissively’d, “but you’re are the last person here at the explosion so I kinda need you to tell me what miy next thing to be doing is.” A weak voice a rose from the ground.

“Go to the next town over ……. Tere you will find another one with psykik powers” buzz squared buzzed squarely. 

Chapter 3: Things That Go Boing In The Night

Tooty was about to head to the next village but, she suddenly adult-rationalized “I don’t know how to use my sidekick powers yet, I should bring a baseball bat for fighting in the danger!”

Who could have predicted, though, on the way to Foursquare she lost her GPS signal and was lost.

A pink blob with whiskers shouted “ZOOM!” and tried to comfort her with a coffee, but she mistook it for a bodypart alien and hit it with her bat.

Unfortunately, the pink blob was a plot-critical NPC. Tootsie Roll or whatever her name was got a Game Over and now you can stop writing and go see that movie you promised we were going to watch together.

[my boyfriend added the last part while I was in the kitchen making mac and ceese, sorry!]


“Wow, the baig citee” said Tootie as she looked up at the tall scy scrapers of foursquare and up onto top of them were many childrens playing the game foresquare which tootie was also very failiar with as a 12 years old child. Tootie climbed up one of the scrapers and got at line in one of the games. She asked one of the other f-square players how the game was and they said “oh hi cool striped shirt anyways this is the game fsquare as wee cool kidz call it and you play it by bouncing a ball in 4 squares also do you happen to have psykic powers and what’s your name?”

“My name is Tootie Switch” said Tootie Switch, “but most people call me Tootie S. because there is an other girl in my class called Tootie which is quiet the coincidence because I googled it and its aparently a fairly uncommon name” Tootie switched.

“Cool sure whatever anyway, be foursquare we start playing foursquare, you need to check in on Foursquare. Remember when that was a thing people cared about foursquare some reason?” Tootie really didn’t because she was only eight years old, so she had to find the app first and then download it which was rough because she was roaming and was burning up her data on her dada’s family plan for her cellephone which was also technically her dad’s. Or her grandma’s or whatever.

“Do I get psycik powers now or what?” Twodie asked still trying to figure out what Foursquare is. The other kid shook their head and kept talking about Fouraquare and foursquare and foursquare. Twodie played virtual foursquare on her phone and waited for the kid to stop talking.

“Anyways my name is Starlight Alpha Omega Luminous Twiglight Daybreak McBall Foursquare and I’m the Foursq-heir to the Foursquare Fourtune here in the town of Foursquare”

“Im just going to call you McBall Fousquare for short and McBall for shorter” said Sootie Tess.

“I knew you were going to say that because I can read minds with my psycic powers and also that what literalky everyone does” said SAOLTDmBF.

They talked for a bit about psykick powers and powered sidekicks and SAOLTDmBF because Tootie’s psychic sidekick and the psychick and her psydekick went to the psydeshow where there was like a big guy they had to fight because the explosion made him turn evil and Tootie used her new power Psy-Games to beat him and half an hour later after the battle they were all standing around thinking about life. It was time to move on from Foursquare to Threedlydee where they’d beat their new friend Gary. As they left late that night, a forsquare ball was kicked off of the building and boinged ominously behind them.

Chaptner 4: Threedleedeedee

The 4square ball was actolly an bomb Gary said “Don’t worry I got this I will use my physhiv powers which I totally have to throw the bomb in the air.” Lary did just that and the bomb exploxed and killed a werid alien ear or what ever thing. Cause Pary said what he was going to do before he did do that Toobe took a video and posted on YouTube and got 100 likes and  Tooole felt pround for a min to an hour then she got a dislike.

Gary said to Lary “woah dude good job” and they high fived which made another explosion (because of the psychic powers get it) and somewhere in the world Jorm felt super justified if you know what I mean, but he didn’t know why.

Tootie and McBall looked on the scene with astonishment and almost didn’t knowtice that the signed to Threedle had a big plaster posted onto it reading “Welcome to Dansdale” which in case you didn’t know is not the same name as Threedle. “That’s odd” said Tootie looking at her GPS to conferm that they were in the right place when all of the sudden a short and stout man came up and said “hi my name is Daniel but you can call me Dan and over there is my friend Dan” This was immediatly suspicious, 2 Dans? At this time of year??

Toodie, suspicious but not that suspicious, replied “hi, I’m Tootie and this is my crew.” Dan’s eyes widened and he literally screamed “your name isn’t dan, you blasphemer, i am making a citizens arrest and you and your friends are gong to JASIL.”

But then all tree o them beat up Dan with their psycic powers and it was really cool. “Smell you later, loser!” Gary laughed as he summoned a giant canon water turtle (REFERENCE XD) with his mind and it shot water at Dan and washed him away. Everybody cheered cuz they won and Dan sucked anyways, he probably can’t recognize a good story even if bit him on his stupid arm DAN

An old man timidly approached the group and rasped at them “is it really true? is he… is he finally gone??! O praise be to Ceiling Jorm, and blessings upon you and your turtle!” He continued conspiratorily, “I pretended my name was Dan so he wouldn’t scream at me and send me jail, but its actually Bobwit Quumperdink the Only Rightful Mayor of Threeedle.” Then Bobwit’s face got 4 srs. “But Im afriad that our work is not done, for there is one final dan pulling each and every string I only hope he dosnt’t find out……” suddenly a large car pulled up with a man with a business suit and hat came out of the car and said “Hello! Totie S. my name is Dan Dugovic owner of the Dansdale Dugovic thank you for locating my long lost nephew Dan Quumpderdink heir do the dugovic fortune” large hatted the Dan (hihihi another reference if u get it then ur cool). Bobwit cralled out from under the car and pointer and said “Th..that…..s him…….” before passing out. Suddenly Tootie realized that she was looking at the man Dan that the old man tried to warn him about. like two minutes ago.

Dan the man with the very large van starting doing a villain speech about him and his Dan Clan. Tootie said “Hey, I have a plan to stop Dan, whose speech is really kinda bland. We can use psychic powers to summon a bunch of flans and throw it at his van, then when he’s distracted trying to clean his van we hit him in the head like BAM.” Everyone agreed this was a good plan. Tootie, McBall, Gary, Larry, and Perry all heald hands and Tootie shouted “FLAN PLAN IS NOW THE JAM” and suddenly Dan was hit in the head with a pan of flan.

When Dan came two, he shook his head and said “Wow, thanks I’m cured I was evil but now that flan has entered my brain I can no longer be that, by the way do you kides need like adult supervision or something cause you all seem only 7-12 years old” Tootie agreed so she added Dan to her party but she had too many so she temporariliy retired Perry cause he hadn’t said or done anything in particular TBH.

Chapter 4.2: There’s a bad guy

In the shadows, there was a person dressed all in black. Laughing to themself, they kept laughing until the party was gone and then they also left but in a flash of smoke.

[note to self: the person dressed all in black is actually Buzz Squared in a big brown trenchcoat, but the readerers can’t know that yet!]

[other note to self: remember to go back and delete all the notes to self before posting this time!]

That was perfect timing, because at that exact same microsecond, a Starman Deluxe the size of an airplane landed right behind our heroes.

Perry: “Would you look at that, a Starman Deluxe the size of an airplane landed right behind us!”

Tootie: “You’re not in the party Perry.”

Dan: “Sorry that was me.” said Dan.

“Hey! Stop deliberating over there!” said the Starman Deluze with cheese.

“Hey, check out all that cool cjheese!” said Dan.

“Don’t make fun of my cheese!” said the Starman and then a battle started because a swirl that was gray shot right into the TV screen (you know, like in games!)!

“Harharhar, your puny psy powers are useless against me!” shouted the shielded Starman De Leche as he fired a powerful beam attack at Dan. Dan just smiled and pulled a battered Super Plush Bear out of his suit jacket. “Always carry protection, kids.” he wise-manned.

And protection it was. The beam attack hit the Super Plush bear right in the tummy and stuffing flew everywhere like if a turkey stuffed with stuffing had been hit by a beam attack in the same way. The Star Man Del Rey then shouted, “Aergh! Why do you kids always have to carry bears with you??” and that made our heroes laugh out loud.

“Can’t you see the shirt?!” Tootie yelled, pointing at her striped shirts. “It’s because WE’RE KIIIIIIIIIIIDS” as she shouted this she used Psy-Games on the startMan Delix and it was really powerful because things are always more powerful when you yell the name of the attack. or in general.

As the start menu dx evaporated into a piff of smoke Dan looked on slolomly. “I felt kinda left out of that climaxic moment but I was evil like two sevonds ago so honestly fair”

Chapter 4.20: Blaze It


Chapter 5: The Next Town and Things Also Happen I Think

After that tough battle with the Starboi Deluge, our heroes were really tired of all this fihtbing. But they continued to fight anyway. because THAT’S WHAT KIDS DOOO. So they went around town beating up dogs, gorillas, fish, and a taxopus (I think that means only one taxi?) plus poor Wally. The first time was by accident (they thought Wally was a fire hydrant) and then he got mad and started chasing them around everywhere. Now it’s like you can’t sit down without beating up a Wally.

Dan quickly reached his arm out toward a large structure in the center of town that te gang had just made it too. “Look, is the Threedly Dugovic, previously the Dansdale Dugovic. We can use it’s town takeover power to remove the influneceof whatever those ear laiens are called!”

“I.sure would love to find out there names” said toty with emphaticness.

“Lets ask.some of thr townsfolk here. They might know” says Dan to trudy.

They walked toward a tent in the center of town but suddenly the tent came to lief and started rapping at them!!1

(imagine theres a sick rap beat goin on in the background of this aprt)

“Oohm…tsk… uhh… tsk// my name is michael tentman and I’m here to say “my name is Michael tentman and I’m here to say!”” michael tentman said here while also rapping.

It had no effect on Tootie! Dan could not stop crying! Larry felt inspired to start a rap career and left the party forever! Luckily, McBall was a secret rap career in their spare time hand had a few choice words to sayng.

“My name. Is McBall and I’m here to say: Subscribe to GCDotNet today!”

It’s super effective! The tent groaned like Uncle Bob after eating to much torkey and then became a reglar tent agin.

Then Cloud from FFVII (whaever that stunds for) bought the tent from Toobsdee and her perty. 

>2B and her party gets 50 munnies.

Everyone: Hurray! Wheres rich!!!!

“I’m right here!” said Rich, who walked towarde them with viger.

“Cool” said everyonme whom was not Rich.

“Ive always wanted to be coool” said Rich, who started calling his mom to tell her the good news.

Suddenly Tootie’s phone rang. Hello. “She said”. When she answered the phone. She could here here one voice coming out of Rich’s phone like three feet away or whatever. “Mom” Rich “said, you’re going to be so proud of me. I’m finally cool.” He looked at her and she looked back at him.

Chapter 6: Can You Blieve It

“Oh. My. God” said McBall. “The drama just got real.” (don’t you think guys?!)

“Awwwkwarrrrrd said Larry from outside the party”

“Did you dial the worng number?” asked Tootdedede not so sercetly hoping she’s not a momther which would be werid being a kid and all.

“No I didn….I mean I did woops my mistake” said Rich

Then Tootie eyes wided and she yelled (read real fast) “Rich is my son from the future and he called me forgetting I’m just a child who is about his age in this time so he lied about it being a wrong number all cause he wanted me to think he cool even though I already did but he didn’t know that which means I am a mother ahhhhhh”

“But wait,” said Dan, “now that we know about that doesn’t that a time paradox?” and then he finished the setance and rich disapparated in a poof a smoke and everyone forgot about him because writing time travel stories is really hard (seriously guys I was trying for like 50 gregeorgian years). And their minds got erased so hard then were in the new town which was called 5town and it was by a cool cool lake that was neat.

Chapter 6: How It Feels to Chew 5town

*** XD how did you guys li,e that last chapter??? I was watching Back to the FUture (have you guys ever heard of that movie?) and I thought it would be really cool to add in something like that anyway heres the next chapter I hope you like it? dont forget to like and subscribe LOL i don’t own nintendo or eartHbound or bttf or farily odd parents ***

{Anyway forget all that wwird timtravel stuff because rich really IS TOOTIES SON FROM THE FUTUR

But he is from the future wjere paradoxes are ilegal. So this is going to make perfect cents from here on out, trust me.}

So now the gang has arrived in 5town but it looks suspiciously more like a medium-to-large body of warter than a town. As they were thinking about this fact, sunnendly a jiant ampibian raised its equally giant head from the lake body of water. “Hello, I am the TOAD Of SKY!!!!” said the Toadofsky. 

“That’weird,” said Tootie, “cause right now you seem like the Toadofbeingmostlyinalake.”

Yeah well watch this. Then the toad launched like straight up into the sky. So then Tootie and friends had to go on an adventure in 5lake and they met a bunch of NPCs and stuff and talked to people and fought various anphibinas and leveled up and Tootie learned a new skill which sounded cooler than it actually turned out to be and there was this whole side story about potatoes that went on for a while then they got the Drain-o which was just a big O like the lterre but when they through it in the lake it was a drain and it drained the water. So the Toadfosky came bak and said THAT WAS MY LAKE. and he was agrny.

The TOAD OF SKY (™) attacked them from high above with his grotesquely long sticky tongue, as if the party were flies he was trying to eat. “We’ll never land a hit on that bloated frog from this distance but last I checked none of us can fly!” lamented Tüdi, but just then Jeff Andonuts arrived in the Sky Runner and said “Come with me if you want to live” in a cool action-star kind of way but he didn’t really sound cool at all because he’s a neeeeerd. They clammored in and flew up up up, dodging the constant barrage of tongue strikes, until they finally crash landed on the ToS’s back and saw he wasn’t an amphibian at all butt actually a giant robot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“How on earth will we fight this giant robot?” Dan asked, looking frustrated. “We won’t even be able to make a dent!” To illustrate his point, he smacked the top of the robot, which hurt his hand quite a bit actually. The entire party laughed at him because that was hilarious.

“Maybe you could just be better?” Toodie said, punching a hole into the robot. Dan was embarrased as he followed everyone inside the robot because he realized his fly was down. Inside the robot it was like a huge maze that was almost like a dungeon, man. Gary thought it was cool but Mickball thought the music was annoying.

Mcball broke out his phone and hacked into the robot to get a map of the maze/dungeon/maze/robot/thing cause he is not only a master 4square player/rapper he is also a master hacker. He led the group though the maze/thingamabob/ribbot (get it cause there in a robot frog) but first change the music to awsome montage music which he has and on the way traveked though a gigant ball room with ghost, a romm with mosters that droped gems and had chest that when opened has music, and a platformer room with these mushrooms/turtle/plant nosters and a flagploe (lol references).

But then the group got lost so Tootie yelled “Enough” she grabbed the phone and looked into Mcball eyes and said “I’m the proagent/main character/leader so I’m going to lead this group”

“Uh, I wasn’t trying to upstage you but go off I guess.” said Mac Ball. Tootir stares at the phone rly hard so hard that lasers shoot out of her eyes and it makes a hole in the Toad of Maze and the fall into a glowing chamber. “This is it,” said Dan, “the heart of toad of sky.”

The room started to shake “He must know where in hear” Gary said and outside the toad was HOPPING MAD. The party walked into the heart of maze of toad ofsky and out from an aorta hopped a tiny toad that looked sad and landed in front of them it was crying. Tootie cast Psy-Games on the toad and it got really mad and hit her in the face with it’s tung. “We need to beat the sadness out of this tode.” Tootis squelched with a frog tung still stuck at her face. And so Tootie and the party hit the toad with attacks of all kinds, but it only made the toad cry more, until he was crying so much that the room was flooding. Suddenly red lights started flashing and a robotic voice said, “ERROR ERROR SHORT CIRCUT DETECTED, SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED!!!1!” And really intense music started and a 30 second timer appeared on the top right side of the screen!

Chapter 6: The Next Day

“Wow, I can’t believe we all made it out of that alive” said Tootie to her ghost friends Dan, Gravy, and McBalls, who were following her around with halos on their heads.

24 hours perviously…

[When we last left our heroes, they were battling for their lives in the heart of Toad of Sky…] Suddenly red lights started flashing and a robotic voice said, “ERROR ERROR SHORT CIRCUT DETECTED, SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED!!!1!” And really intense music started and a 30 second timer appeared on the top right side of the screen!

“Thirty seconds, really? That’s a little aggressive, don’t you think?” McBall complained aggressively.

“Dont worry!” said Largy, “I can stop time so wheeze can escap!” Everyone had a face lik WTH you have time powers, and you’ve never used thems before, lik why? As Largair cast the psychick spell. Larrs acidently cast an expluion spell tho, instant K.O.ing the entire party ecept Tooty because she’s the main character, and has the most HP cuz shes badbutt (sorry folks gotta keep it K+)! n stuff then everyone was nocked out of the Toadufski and the curreent evil wuz defeated!!!!! 😀

(LOL sorry I meant Gargy not Largy i forgot qhich one was is the party so hard to keep track of all these charactes)

So anyway the tode blough up and there was toad guts everywhere and it was pretty gross but at least it wasn’t sad anymore? Anyway they went to the hotel and Tootie went to sleep and all the ghosts just stared at her because the hotel dosent fix deadth. Anyway then Tootie was REALLY angry because she had to go to the hospitel. She was so angry, anyway then she herd a voice in hear head and it said “Tootie……….tootie its me……………..its the tode you are angry because of me i was angry and now your……..angry to…………………………..”

Tootiw was packing around arngrilly when suddenly a Small Girl pulled on her fabulous stipéd shirt. “Excuse me miss, but are you very angry right now?” said the Small Girl.

“Yes, Small girl,” angrilied The Toot.

“Actually my name is Jul-“ but she was cut of.

So yeah everybody came back to life or whatever and they were all like “Wow we were wewally lucky that yore the main character Tootie yeah and stuff” and tootie was just like “whatever” because she was angry. She thought about the toadofsky and tried to shake off the angry. Sorry smallGirl “she apologized to the small girl” she said.

“I know your thinking how we came back to life well we met this magical wiznerd when you were asleep and blah blah” said one of the party memebers but Tootie was too angry to care about the Who What When Where Whys and Hows.

“Um Tootie” said the small girl “I know where the hospital is and blah blah blah” Tootie just walked away from the tale of the awsome adventure she slept through and the kind small girl who could easly slove all her promblems if she was not too angrey to listen. She walkled out of the inn and just kept wandering until she found a cave and she started to feel a bad pain in her stomach.

In the Deep Darkness of the cave, Tootie was overcome by a powerful wave of anger and nausea, heaving and spewing until it seemed her organs would also exit her body. The vomit, to her amazement, coalesced into a sentient blorpy pile and teased her saying “Heeg, heeg, heeg! I was inside the Toad of Sky and then I entered you! Thank you for bringing me back to my lair, but sadly, gha gha gha, it will be the last thing you ever…” but he was abruptly cut off by a Jar of Fly Honey hitting him in the face, followed by a disintegrating blast of PSI Starstorm. Julissa, granddaughter of the Star Master, picked Tootie’s jaw back up off the floor and continued “…now as I was *trying* to say, if you had just *listened* to me…”

Tootie was about to get angry about this but remembered that the cholera had been removed from her body. “So wait what just happened I really have no clue I thought this was going in a different direction and suddenly all these things went on also where is everybdoy” she looked around “guys are you hear lary gary perry dan macbill gerald gramma id even go for todeofsky right now?”

“Nononon,” said Small Girl the Small Girl, “This is the part of the game where you do some stuff by yourself and grow emotionally as a person or whatever. You’ll need to fight the Spirt of All Bad Vibes: Kol-aer-ah, who also happens to be my mother”.

“Wait aminit,” tort contractioned “ r u telling me that Ur Mom Isa Boss?!?!?”

“Yes says Smalls Girl”.

Chapter 7: Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream, DREAM!!! (Yes, It’s named after the sharkboi and lavagirl song, i dont carew what people say that was a good movie@!!!)

Tootsdie was very tired and desided to take a nap. Toodue awoke in they’re dream wearing stripped pajamas and looked at all the funky coloured scenery. “Oh youve waken up” said a voice from behind her she saw two people standing. in the room one was a buff dude guy with a bird head like a bird and the other was a coolooking guy with a cat head “My name is Meowskivich he said”.

“Oh neat!” human-headed Tootles, “So you guys are like my temporary party members forvthis bit?”

said the bird headed bird head replied: “CAW” Inexplicably, everyone thought this was hilarious and repeated it until the end of time.

Chapter 8: The Time Time Ended

It was THEN that something hit Toudie, not the kind of hit like in basball where people run after the smack sound, no this was definatly a different kind of hit, like when you taste a hot dog for the first time (ive been told). It was the kind of hit that like–you know when youre standing on the corner and the bus comes and theres a puddle of mud or dirty water or something on the ground but then the bus slows down just enough that you dont get splashed by the water? Like that I think.

“Birbs and cats hate each other, so why are they both cooperating together in my dream???” said the Tootie.

“I’m not actually a cat” claimed Meowskivish scratching his ear with his hind leg like a cat in juxstaposition (Tee hee, I just learned what that word ment in class today.).

“Caw!” said the bird guy before he sprooted 2 rainbow coloored wings and flew into the sunset like Ho-oh in episode 1 of Pokemon.

“Follow that metaphor!” shouted Little T. Cause she knew that all dreams are full of those tjings. Her and Meowskavitch bounved from cloud to cloud to chase after the birdaphor when suddenly they were pulled over the dream police. “Your are under arest for jumping clouds too fast” sakd the sans-sherif . “Oh no” said teedoo but then you know that thing that happens in dreams where like you know its a dream and stuff starts getting weird, well it was like that and the policewoman (I never said it was a guy) put them in the car but then TOODIE was driving the car and they drove to where the Flyguy went and they got there fast. Meanwhile on the ground a shadow was watching them in the clouds “…….Im……angry………..’ the shadow said it was angry.

Suddernly, a man with a suit and holding a breofcase lept uponto the speeding fly-car. “I am suing you for teft of the intellectual propery of cars flying real real fast” then the attorney reaching into hos case and pulled out a giant axe to hit the car with presumably. “What i thought everything was going to go smoothly after that!!! How could this happen???” Tootie said and then Gary Meowskivich Dan who I think was still there and I don’t know Small Girl all said “It’s because of Joze F Marten!” and they looked into the camera like it was the office.

Suddenly, the dark shadow began expanding, enveloping the dream clouds around it. A long, breathy sigh echoed through the empty dream-space.

“I’m beginning to wonder if you’d ever figure it out”

A black spike shot out into the flying car, penetrating its hull making Toots have to push the emergency escape button code “LSDT9” which launched her et al. into the bird man whose bird head fell off revealing a head of George Carlin form the TV show Gerald Signfield!!! “Wow Mr Garland im a big fan if i doo say so myself haha!” the axe attorney pushed his way to the front to get the flyingmans’ autograph but a shadow spike shot between them and they looked at where the shadow spike came from it was from the shadow. “….angryy……2d…….” a voice said from the shadow as a shadow figure came out of the shadow toodie looked at the shadow and said “Yes i am todie” the shadow replied “…..i……am 2d…….and u……….” everyone looked at the shadow it was talking “r2d2”

Chapter 9: Toodie vs Toodie

“I am the shadow, the true self” said the true self called the Shadow toodue. The shadow looked menacingly downwards as a spik pertruded from itself towards toodie 1. Toodie 1 was not pleased and used:

“Psi starscream!!” shouted toodie, as a million stares fell from the heavens (or sky if your an athiest), Kirby riding on one saying;

Kirby: ‘Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”, as we plunged his attack into the dark toods.

But the Shadow Tootie quickly dodged the attack, taunting “that’s so sad I almost shed a tear, do you want to cry for help here in the dark?!”

Protagonist Tootie realized she did in fact need outside help, and used her secret ability, Pay. She paid from bottom of her heart, and through microtransactions gained several levels, a cool new attack, a rockin’ battle outfit, a chibi Mr. Saturn pet, and an OP bent golden baseball bat weapon like from that anime with Lil’ Slugger. This was very strange to all her friends, who saw all these changes happen to her while she was lying asleep in a cave. “Ahould we… wake her up?” Awaked McDan and Ball?

The battle raged on inside tootie’s psykey between tootie and ietoot (that’s dark/shadow tootie) and her bodie rolled around in real life and everyone looked on in horror and confusion because it was weird to see it happen without knowing what was happening or why it was happening and what was going on. Shadow tootie in the dream world lifted tootie up (the normal one) and said “IM ANGRY” and through Tietoo down and she hit some clouds while the birdman Flyingman and the axeattorney with the axe looked down from the cloudcar policecar as Flyingman signed a hat for his fan.

“Ok yeah, we should defo wake her up” resoluted Glarry (that’s their ship name ;P). Almost as if magic tootie awoke with a start like when you feel like you’re falling while you’re in bed but tootie really was falling before she was awake. But dark smoke came out of Toooooiiits ears and then Dark Toooooiiits was also in the cave with everyone including the Dream Gang “ha you thought you could escawake from me?!?!” gloated and floated DT. Everyone looked at each other “Whats going on” they said “Who are these people” said ace atorrney and flyingman “Who are those people” said Gary Lary Dan Small Girl and McBill they all looked at each other and then they looked at Tootie and Dootie (Dark Tootie).

“They’res no time to explan!” shouted the Toots, “You need to transfarm now!!!” said Tooty as she pointed towards the axe attorney and flyingguy. The two began glowing as they struck a pose and fused togetrher into Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law™. Everybody looked on in amazement as the two grabbed dark Eitooot and flew into the sky, preparing to bodyslam her into the grownd. 

“Not… so… afst…” retortled D. Toot. And she stuck her hand out and a bunch of cave shadows turned into earliens (lol remember those guys?) it was secretly her the whole time! They all of them began attacking The Gang as Havard Birdguy slammed Dart T. Into the grond. Harvard spread his wings and leapt up, his great axe appearing in his outstretched hand with a flash of light as he flapped once and dove, rocketing down at Dootie (Dark Tootie) BUT she rolld out of hte way as he swong the ax LOL and shod a shadow spike at him “TAKE THAT GRRRRR ur making me ANGRY” she sade.

Everbody was fighting the alien ear earliens in the air and it wasn’t going too great and Tootie got annoyed that her friends were a bunch of losers i mean comon. She was about to use Psy-Games but she stoped for a secant and she could feel the shadows within her growing no i must fite it but it was taking over her hand it was turning like shadowy and stuff. But she cast Psy-Games and it TOTALLY DESTROYED the airliearns but like Dan and Mcbail and whoever got hurt to.

Today was becoming more and more shadowy like or whatever and Dootie (Dark Toodie) flew up and through a punch at her but Tootie (normal toodie) grabbed her hand and blocked it and smirked and threw her back and they were fighting then and everybody was watching. Clouds and shadows and stuff were flying all over the place and the shadowy tootie and the shadowy eitoot were fighting and rolling on the ground. Dan said “We need to help Tootie!” and Birdman raised his axe but with all the shadows and whatever he couldent tell which was which and when he had the chance to strike he stoped and said “Tootie or not tootie………that is the question” and stoped himself.

Dark Toody was on her last legs wen all of a sudden, something crazy occured! A flash of light glistened off of D.T. and she transfarmed revealing herself to actually be…

“Oh my gawd, is that you Buzz Squared?!” excalamed everyone.

Buzz Squared: “Yes it is I. I had returned in order to do battle with you and you’re party to make sure you were prepared to fight the Gigyas. Everyone looked around confused because they didn’t know what a Giguess was.”

“My dear Tootis,” Sqared Buzz, “you are truly powerful but you must not give into the the choleranger when fight.” The aforementioned Tootis looked around and under stood that she had gone to far. “But how can we forget Gyrados if we don’t use our strongest power of dark bad feelings within ourselfs?” T Q’ed. McBall Dan Small Girl Meowskivich Garry Lary Perry who took a hiatus from his world tour just for this Jorm Axe Attorney and Flyingman who split back intwo to Rich who came back from the future (like the movies lol) Gramdma and also Gerald Ford all put his hand on her shoulder and said “With nthe power………………of friendship”

“With the power of frinedship” Totie wispered and a singel tear fell from her face. She felt the anger melt away and love replaced all the anger in the heart.

Buzz Squared joined the others and put his arm on Tootie and said “Your ready” he also shead a singwl tear, the two tears joined toteget and there phyic powers joined togetter. The room then fell to black and a loading bar apperered after what felt like forever a new room loaded it was the final booss room and right in the middle was Gyrados sitting in a cool thrown.

Garbyous had n’t notice the everyone yet, so B’Squared tild to Tootie: “you must whatch out for gyrgax, he does not followvthe rules of our world, so you must be ready for anathing” Then gygax sat upward on his phone.

“Oh, hail and well met my fine fellows! What brings you all to my humble abode on this most salubrious of dates?”

Toudey stepled foreard and said, “Are you Genghis?”

“Nobody talks to me in such a manner!” said Gampgoose, then he did something unable to be explained. Toodee watched in aww. You kind of had to be there for it, but believe me, it was great. Graboid struck a cool pose and said “What do you have to say about THAT” but nobody said anything because they couldn’t say anything.Garbodor then prepared another attack but then suddenly turned and glared at the camera. “Why can’t you ever get my name right?!? he yelled at the author. The author just shrugged, which made Garfield even more madder.

“No matter!” grangledorf shouted as he swept his hand across in front of him. “Soon I will be rid of you peasants and this horrid story once and for all!” Grglgrglgr looked towards the sky (or heavens if you’re a theist) and raised his arms up to reveal a shower of shimmering shadow shpikes all pointed at the party “see this is what I was preparing you for” revealed buzz prepared!

Tootie suddenly realized that if Dootie (Dark Tootie) was Buzz Lightsquared then that meant the whole Todeofsky thing was set up by the future bug thing or whatever, I mean right, like, they literally just said that it was to prepare her (Tootie) for this (the fite), which meant it (the toad thing) was done on purpose, and like, the whole Eitoot thing happened because of beating up the sade tode or whatever, right? Am I just imagining all of this? I don’t know, the point is, Tootie got angry and she realized the power was inside her all along and it was the power of anger like the hulk or something.

“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! TOOTEES SMASH!” yelled the smashing Toadie. Gainax fell backwards from the blow, but got back up by dong a sweet flip (Once again you had to be their to see it.). 

GuyGAS: “Hahahahaha, pathetic human. You are no match for me!” Said the Giangas before casting Meteor-Cholera Level 99.

The entire party just stared in shock at what would most likely be the end of the world. 

Final Chapter: The final Chapter: The end of the「ZA WARUDO」???

“Zoinks!” said Tootsie in her best Scooby-Doo voice. Then she laughed because it was funny. But then she stopped laughing because this was not the best time to be making the zoink jokes.

“Or IS IT” thought 2d outloud “Guys favorite cartoons STAT” everyone kind of looked at her super confused because this dident seem like the time to be talking about cartoons but whatever “Uhhhh the simspons?” uncertained Gary but then Bobwit stepped forward dramatically and said “FUTURAMA” and everybody looked around at each other as they started to get the idea “Garfield and Freinds!”James Bond Jr!”Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but the one from 2003 not the original or the other one!”DRAGON BALL Z does anime count i mean the guy in the cartoon network commercials said it was the greatest action cartoon ever made so” everyone started chiming in with their stupid cartoon choices but what was REALLY happening was they were strengtheing there………..friendship

“What childish nonsense is this!?” adult nonsensed Gygasr, “Children’s cartoons have no place in a battle for the destiny of the world with an opponent as formidable as I! Have at you!” The dark sporks stabbed at Toot et oot but the radiant energy of them all talking about cratons that they liked were too much and the sponks cormbled abainst the barrier of their youth-energy. “It’s close but not enough, is everyone thinking about the thing what that they like???” shouted McBall Forsquare who was thinking about their dream to create fivesquare the sequel to foursquare. “Wait, where’s Perry?,?”

Perry went back to his world tour because this was honestly way too much and he wasn’t leveled up enough for a big boss battle.

Everyone thought about a thing they really liked. Those thoughts reached all the way out to everyone in the world including Toodies grandma.

Garchomp did a cool spinning twisty moove and all the spiks swirled around him. He shouted “I will not be bested by a ten gallon buffoon, a 90’s sitcom star in avian cosplay, some no-name competitor of a playground fancy, a bipedal feline, three random morons whose only defining character trait is a rhyming name scheme, and an dumb kid who has only managed to survive this long through the contrived machinations of an extraterrestrial insect!” The spikes blasted forth from gygyash “AND YOUR STRIPED SHIRT LOOKS ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY INANE!”

It was then that Twodee discovered a power more powerful than friendship pwer: the fury of a woman’s shirt scorned. The stripes shuttered, then grew and expanded into a gigantuan wireframe and suddenly everything in this flat sprited world began to change and grow textures and anti-aliasing and porygons. Amazingly, our fearless herobrine had transformed into something she had never imagined…Twodee was now THREEDEE!!!!!! (lol I’m so cleaver)

“YOU DARE MOCK THE SHIRT OF ME 3DEE?! YOU MUST DIE!!” exclamed Threeddees out loud. Using the power of friendship and furry Tridee blasted a hole right through Giglio and annelated him.

“This isn’t over! One day I shall return and-“ Gergys began saying before being suddenly cut off by-

Rich:” Not anymore, you won’t. I’ll make sure my future is protected too, by blasting you with this!” Then Rich pulled out a standard AK-47, shot guys gas and kill stole the last boss. Way to go!


Athuers note: Wow! It’s finally done! What did you guys think?

Tootie: it was great! I really like the part where I exploded into cool and defeated ehatecer the bad guy’s name was

Perry: Hey guys, I’m back with Pizza!

Everyone: Oh, there you are Perry

Jorm: hey it’s me Jorm also Perry what were you doing all that time? Pizza doesn’t take that long

Perry: Well, I am just a side character without any lines. I don’t do much *Perry gives a Little Winky to everyone”

**Thanks for reading, and be sure to check out my next sequel fic tee bee cee very soon!**

-Last updated Oct. 1st, 2007-

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About the Contributor

Since 2013

Joseph Martin is the Podcast Commander of the monthly GameCola Podcast, and appears in many of the other podcasts of the site. He's also known to write a review or two, or news pieces about the latest Mega Man knock-off.

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