[NSFW] Hacks’n’Slash #4: Metroid High School

Samus and Ridley star in a completely canon average high school love story.

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Disclaimer: The views and opinions presented in this podcast DO NOT in any way represent the views and opinions of the GameCola staff. Also, this podcast should probably be classified as “rated R”, as it does contain such adult topics as “adult content”, language, and absolutely HORRENDOUS grammar and spelling.

 HnS - MHSIllustration by Colin Greenhalgh

In an alternate timeline, Samus and Ridley go to High School together. What will happen? Nobody knows! FINAL CHAPTER UP NOW!

It’s finally that time again, folks. Time for another exciting episode of Hacks’n’Slash, where the GameCola staff gets together to read some bad fanfiction. And this one was a doozy.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you “Metroid High School” by 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan, a story of those normal high school days and the ill-fated love between a girl and a giant pterodactyl—which surprisingly enough, is a plot point that never gets brought up.

In this tale of dramatic suspense, our hero Samus has to fight through the typical troubles of high school—bad grades, bullies, and class elections. Oh, and those pesky STDs, “praegnancies”, and civil wars that students handle every day. No big deal.

Join me and my fellow brave adventurers Alex Jedraszczak, Anna Bryniarski, Joseph Martin, Nathaniel Hoover, and special guest Shannon “Z-Saber” Hoover as we slog through terrible grammar and nonsensical plot to seek the answer to the eternal question…

Will Samus and Ridley be togetha foreva?

Featured Quote: Samus was shocked by the lack of religious toleration in the establishment.

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Diana is GameCola's resident fangirl of many things, but predominantly Ace Attorney. She has her own YouTube channel where she dates birds (and other animals) and often makes people cry, mostly herself.

4 Comments

  1. This just brightened up my day. Good job with the podcast!

    You know, it’s always a great idea to ask someone out to prom after having a civil war with death and evil cholera-inducing coaches all at your local high school.

    Can’t wait for the next one!

  2. It’s weird how this is also gives us a little window into the life of the writer… Almost like a 2nd story about the author. Meta, man.

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