– Tomb Raider. Final Fantasy. Mortal Kombat. Super Mario Brothers. Resident Evil. Pac-Man. Which of these things is not like the others? Which of these things just doesn’t belong? Which of these things does not but will belong at a yet-to-be-determined date? Hehe, a live-action “fantasy adventure”; this is gonna be something else.
– You may recall our story last month about BMX XXX, the first video game ever to feature uncensored exposed boobies, which was to be released on November 19th for all major platforms. Well, it seems Sony had some problems with that, and pressured Acclaim to ship the Playstation 2’s BMX XXX sans exposed boobies. Where Xbox and GameCube owners get to masturbate to real life pixilated topless bikers to their heart’s content, owners of PS2 have to settle for chicks in bikinis. This announcement basically null and voided any purpose to purchasing the PS2 version, because the gameplay’s pretty iffy and the title’s only real selling point was its nudity. BMX XXX was released for all three systems on its scheduled date, and is currently available in stores not named “Wal-Mart”.
– Vin Diesel, star of critically-acclaimed xXx and apparent fan of Grand Theft Auto 3, announced his plans in early November to start his own video game company. Tigon Games, as Diesel is naming this unexpected venture, is planned to launch at some point in 2003. Diesel has yet to say what kind of games Tigon will be involved with, or what consoles, or if he even knows what RPG stands for, but he said that he likes games with cinematic components. Like Pac-Man, I suppose.
– Ever want to play Penguin Land, Fantasy Zone, or Alex Kidd, but weren’t unfortunate enough to have purchased a Sega Master System? South America may be able to help you out. Brazilian company Toy Tec has announced its plans to release a sorta-new gaming system dubbed the “Master System III”. This 8-bit console will be released with seventy-four games built into its memory, including those mentioned above and the original versions of Sonic the Hedgehog and Shinobi. Details are scant at the moment due to Tec Toy’s website being entirely not in English, but GameCola will be keeping its ears open for any news on this intriguing console.
– Oh man, this is it. Biggest news of the year, even bigger than Pac-Man: The Movie (if you can imagine). Are you ready? Brace yourself. The following statement could cause a serious case of moist undergarments; it’s been known to happen before. In a joint effort to fight competition and corner the market on role-playing games, industry giants Enix and Square have announced their intention to merge operations into one company, which will be called Square Enix Inc. Did you get that? The creators of the two greatest friggin’ RPG franchises of all time, Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy, are making their powers combined to form Captain HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO AWESOME! The process of merging began on November 26th of this year, and is suspiciously scheduled to be finalized on April Fool’s Day 2003. The newly formed Square Enix Inc. is expected to virtually corner the marked on RPG’s, yield 18.5 billion yen in profits next year, and be the coolest goddamn game company ever. w00t!