Aaron Waters’ Top 10 Least Favorite Games
10. Age of Empires (PC): Bad. Why bother with this dog shit when you can play StarCraft: Brood War? You play as a bunch of retards that beat one another with sticks while making swooshing noises. If you delve deeper into the game, you can play as retards that have swords. Yay?
9. Mega Man 6 (NES): Ugh, they should’ve killed this series at 4. Same old repetitive bullshit. Kill eight bosses, battle Dr. Wily look-a-like (who is Dr. Wily) then battle Dr. Wily again. Boring.
8. Zone of the Enders (PS2): The premise of this turd is nothing short of stupid. You play as a dumb kid who gets in a giant robot (lucky bastard) and gets to trash a space station. A shitty pedestal for an awesome sequel.
7. Earthbound (SNES): Weird and boring. You get to kill hippies, fat women, old guys, and robots. The downside is you play as kids, the lowest form of life, and that Mr. T is portrayed negatively (NOT TRUE, Mr. T is an ass-kicking superhero).
6. Final Fantasy IV (SFC): You play as an evil knight that worships the devil. Then he puts on some makeup and a tiara and drops back down to Level 1. SHITTY. Those bastards at Square strung me along and BAM! Sissy boy that doesn’t steal crystals and beat up freaks. Dammit. WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED TO THE BAD-ASS?
5. Xenogears (PSX): You play as a kung-fu amnesiac who beats up a kid at one point. Awesome so far. He pilots a giant robot which also does kung-fu (which looks stupid; mechs are supposed to have swords and guns). Somehow, Square ruined this excellent premise by throwing in religious references, camera rotation and a ridiculous encounter rate, not to mention the saddest excuse for a “plot” since Captain Novolin.
4. Armored Core 2 (PS2): Exactly like the three previous installments, except easier, shorter, and mechs turn at the speed of a slug.
3. Chrono Trigger (SNES): STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! This game is easy beyond believe and not to mention BORING. You play as a group of ugly cardboard cut-outs with no personality as they battle giant one-dimensional crabs. Also features an idiotic excuse of a magic system and programming that doesn’t even match shoddy. In one state you can battle enemies that give you 100 Tech Points. Okay, woo. Wait, this one respawns… so I can fight him again and again and again, getting all the spells I need. Wait, what’s this? I don’t even need the spells? Because I can beat many of the bosses just by wearing one type of armor? Wow, they certainly didn’t overlook that! What a poorly crafted PIECE OF SHIT.
2. Jaws (NES): Tedious and boring. Who would ENJOY killing an ugly shark over and over again (scratch that, who would do it with FUCKING HARPOONS THAT ONLY MAKE ONE SECTION OF HIS LIFEBAR GO DOWN AFTER YOU FIRE SOMEWHERE AROUND 30 AT HIM)?
1. Wrath of the Black Manta (NES): I don’t think words in this language can accurately describe how SHITTY this game is. You play as a New York ninja (STUPID) who has to stop kidnappings (I say let the kids get captured; they’re assholes) while busting down (hardworking) drug dealers trying to make money. Ninjas are usually ass-kicking crazy bad-asses (See: Metal Gear Solid/Metal Gear 2/Metal Gear Solid 2), but somehow this game ruined the COOLEST THING EVER, the Ninja.