Shaq-Fu is an AWESOME game. Well, when it comes to being unintentionally funny, anyway. Here are all of the good things about Shaq-Fu:
1. You play as Shaquille O’Neal and you go around a dream world beating up catgirls and mummies because an old guy told you to save some random kid who has no backstory and only says three lines of dialogue the entire game.
2. You can set the time limit to 10 seconds, which lessens the amount of pain the game gives you.
3. The plot is so bad that it’s funny. Think about how unintentionally funny Exdeath from FFV was and multiply that by Shaq’s height, and you have the funny rating of this game.
Unfortunately, the GameCola review guidelines do not rate a game by its humor (unintentional or not) alone. This game has a lot of things that drag it down, as you’ll see below.
Bad Thing #1: The audio. Shaq-Fu has a sound test that allows you to hear all 60-something bad sound effects, most of which are just one sound effect repeated five times on different levels of pitch (like how Alvin and the Chipmunks are real people talking normally but the pitch of their voices are raised). Also, the music is horrendously done (specifically, it sounds like a pair of cats puking half-eaten hornets into a steel drum).
Bad Thing #2: The controls are BAD. When I beat up catgirls and voodoo magicians, I want to do it without feeling like my controller is covered by a think coat of K-Y Jelly.
I’d also like to be able to perform the enigmatic attack known only as the “Shaquiriken”, but no, the programmers of this game weren’t interested in making a good game, otherwise they wouldn’t have made a SHAQUILLE O’NEAL FIGHTING GAME—MAYBE A BASKETBALL GAME WOULD’VE MADE MORE SENSE, IDIOTS?
Bad Thing #3: Oh God, the visuals. In-between fights, you see bad portraits of the seven (maybe eight; I forget) fighters. When actual combat begins, it gets even worse as your opponent somehow gets even uglier. After combat, you return to the also-badly-drawn map after your opponent whines a bit. Oh, and the special attacks suck (you’d think Shaquille O’Neal performing a flaming kick would be pretty funny, but for some reason it doesn’t work for me).
Bad Thing #4: There aren’t many reasons to play this game. One of the few reasons to play this game is to see Shaquille O’Neal beat up catgirls and green goo beings, which is rather comical the first time. After that, you get to see the worst possible ending of any video game (I’m dead serious here). Of course, it flashes by rather quickly, so in your stunned stupor you might not read the only lines that the boy you saved (from the mummy) says, which might lead to you playing this game’s story mode a second time, but I guarantee that you will not play this game more than two times without killing yourself halfway through. It’s that bad.
Bad Thing #5: The duel and tournament modes suck bat shit through a bendy straw. These two modes are the epitome of redundancy; they’re just the story mode without the only thing going for the game (the unintentional comedy). Without that, this game is just another shitty fighter or a shitty game that expects to sell well due to a popular figure attached to the title.
Overall, Shaq-Fu is a game surpassed by other fighters in many ways. The only reason to play this game is to experience how bad a plot or premise can be, and to get a good laugh or two about it with your friends.
… Now that I think of it, people who own this game probably don’t have friends. An intriguing paradox, to say the least.