ROUND TO IT
You’re playing Sonic the Hedgehog, having just purchased it for a small wad of your hard-earned. You begin. You fail to see what all the fuss is about. Just a typical platform game. As you doze off, you continue to run to the right, leaping pedestrian obstacles and avoiding predictable enemies, when suddenly — you hit The Loop. THE LOOP. Your mind races to keep up with the INSANITY as Sonic does a 360 LOOP, violating all laws of physics and gravity. Your head swims. Your body shakes. Another loop. Is all it takes.
“OH, I SEE YOU’RE VERY GOOD AT FOOTBALL…”
Played Metal Gear Solid and loved every moment? You’re not alone. But what sticks in your mind more than any other set-piece in the game? The torture scene? The escape from the cell? No, neither of those. P-P-P-PSYCHO MANTIS A GO-GO, BABY! See him FLY around your head, disparaging your every move. Predicting your attacks and deflecting them. So what can you do? YOU UNPLUG YOUR JOYPAD. AND PLACE IT IN PORT TWO. GENIUS. He can’t read your mind that way, see? And then the bastard reads your memory card and takes the piss out of your games collection. But he compliments you on Konami games. He’s nice like that. And what is Meryl doing? Only one thing to do with her — BEAT THE WOMAN. JUST LIKE REAL LIFE.