Guest column by: Geoff Osman
Over the summer one of the greatest re-releases came out that I myself, and I’m sure many on the GC staff, have been orgasiming in their pants over. Mega Man Anthologies came out with all the original Mega Man games (1-8). It also includes the two power battles that never were released in America. Now back in my younger years I could spend hours cuddling up to Mega Man 1, 2, and 3 as if they were naive freshmen girls. Today however is a different story. I really—REALL—suck at Mega Man games now. What the hell happened to me!? I used to be so fucking good at 2 and 3. In fact I remember beating them and going through it again in one sitting just so I could be satisfied. Now I can barely slide by Magnetman and I can’t even get up to freaking Snakeman! What the hell is my problem? Have I lost my D-pad and two button ways? Maybe since my Nintendo is on life support and won’t play any games I’ve gotten rusty on my NESing. I’m now afraid to go and play some old-school Zelda fearing that those little pebble shooting squid things are gonna fuck me up even before I get to the first dungeon. I still do well at my modern games. I fuck up my suitemates in Halo and MGS is a push over on very hard these days but dammit, I cant freaking jump and shoot at the same time with the blue beast of the past. I’m sorry Mega Man. I make you look like a pussy when you really kick ass. Don’t let the little dudes with helmets get you down. It’s me not you. Thanks for letting me waste a minute of your time.