Paul: Hello again everyone, and welcome back to Digital Championship Wrestling! As always I’m Paul Franzen, and here with me tonight Eric “PLZ REZ” Regan.
Eric: And I just can’t wait for today’s matchup! It is a classic bout of the old school versus the new school as venerable MegaMan is taking on the up and coming Kingdom Hart’s Sora!
Paul: Sora, as you may know, is widely regarded as one of the best video game characters every to have the name “Sora”, narrowly edging out Sora from .hack.
Eric: HA! I’m not so sure Paul, I think they are still counting some outstanding ballots on that election.
Paul: Oh come on man, 97% of the votes from Ohio are in and Kingdom Hearts Sora is showing a commanding lead. I think there’s no question where this poll is going. Whoa, what’s this now? The whole arena is being bathed in a deep blue light; I think I know what this means.
Eric: You’re right! Those deafening screams from the crowd can only mean one thing… MegaMan has just entered the arena! And boy, does he look ready to dish out some digital MAYHEM.
Paul: But are those screams of joy, Eric, or are they screams of agony? Surely a large sector of DCW fans still remembers that abomination known as “MegaMan 64”.
Eric: I dont know what your talking about there Paul, that game NEVER HAPPENED, *wink wink nudge nudge*. Our hero is only capable of pure unadulterated GREATNESS. Well it looks like MegaMan has made it down to the ring, and here comes that flamboyant Sora
Paul: I think he prefers to be known as “colorful”, PLZ REZ. Sora is walking down to the ring and NOW the crowd really erupts! It’s clear to me who these fans prefer in this matchup — they want the destroyer of Heartless all the way.
Eric: Sorry Franzen but again I must disagree, the crowd hasn’t even noticed the rookie and still are cheering on their beloved boy blue! Oh it looks like the ref is singling of the bell.. it’s go time!
Paul: The two combatants are pacing around the ring, staring each other down — MegaMan with an evil glint in his eye, Sora with a comely smile. MegaMan LUNGES for the newbie but Sora rolls out of the way, which sends the Blue Bomber head-first into the turnbuckle.
Eric: Ooooow I dont care how hard of a head he may have, that has got to hurt! He looks a bit dazed and it doesn’t look like Sora is going to let this opportunity pass him by — he is going in for the kill
Paul: Sora slides right behind MegaMan and goes for the quick schoolboy pin, BUT HE ONLY GETS ONE. You’re not gonna finish off the veteran that quickly, Sora! MegaMan jumps right back to his feet and again gives Sora an evil stare.. what could this character be thinking?
Eric: Well whatever it is you know it can’t be good for the newcomer! OH MY! Look at that, Mega Man just gave Sora a swift club to the gut with his blaster! OOOH then another to the back of the head!
Paul: Is that legal? What’s the ref’s decision on this? BY GOD HOW CAN MEGAMAN BE ALLOWED TO USE HIS WEAPON IN A NON-HARDCORE MATCH??
Eric: It looks like the ref is saying that its a part of his body , Paul.. as long as he doesn’t fire it off there isn’t nothing they can do about. This is looking to be a very long night for Sora.
Paul: Well that’s just not right! The Road Warriors always had to remove their body armor before entering the squared circle — MegaMan should be held to the same standard. Look at what he’s doing now, Regan! MegaMan’s cradling the newcomer’s head under his arm and DROPPING the kid down to the mat! What a vicious DDT!
Eric: Well let’s just say MegaMan took a few lessons from Cowboy Bob! MegaMan is standing over Sora now.. just staring at him yet again… what is he doing? Why won’t he just finish him?! He is continuing to stare him down and now it looks like Sora is managing to get back up.
Paul: MegaMan sure is wasting his time here Eric! You’d think such a veteran would know better than to give his opponent so much recovery time. The arrogant bomber is still just staring at Sora! Sora’s back up to his feet now, rubbing the newly created bump on the back of his head, and probably also wondering what MegaMan has under his sleeve.
Eric: Just some wires and circuitry I’m afraid HAHA daamn I am funny! It looks like Sora is wasting no time.. he’s about to make his move and MegaMan STILL hasn’t moved!
Paul: Sora’s leaning back to give MegaMan’s face a vicious haymaker.. but MegaMan just calmly reaches his arm up and grabs Sora by the wrist! Now the Blue Bomber is walking around to the back of the newcomer and twisting Sora’s arm around — what is this, middle school?
Eric: Well actually I think Sora is still in middle school, Paul! HA! I tells ya I’m on fire! MegaMan isn’t relenting and has his victim on his knees now, almost in tears — this just shows you that Sora wasn’t ready at all for such a challenge tonight
Paul: I think MegaMan’s going for the quick and dirty submission here, Eric! He must not know who he’s dealing with.. Sora has far too much heart to let that happen. And look, the crowd’s really getting into it! They’re rhythmically clapping to give Sora strength, and it appears to be working! The youngin is back on his feet now, and that joyful smile is GONE.
Eric: Yes that seems to be about right Paul but MegaMan isn’t giving up so easily! He still has Sora’s arm locked tight and it doesn’t seem as if he can break free just yet!
Paul: I wouldn’t be so sure about that one, PLZ REZ! Sora’s lifting that sized 75 boot up into the air and SLAMMING it down on MegaMan’s foot! But wait.. MegaMan’s not even moving? What manner of devilry is this??
Eric: Sora may have one big boot but its just no match for MegaMan’s solid steel robot exterior! I dont think Sora even knew what he was getting into here Paul; Mega Man is just laughing at him, and staring and here comes his hands, he has just picked Sora up!
Paul: This can’t be good for the newcomer! MegaMan’s lifting Sora up over his head, and the bomber is just quickly turning around in a circle. It’s the old Airplane Spin move, Eric, and I think Sora’s gonna be needing a barf bag before this flight’s over.
Eric: Ooooh my TOO LATE! Look at the stuff just fly ou;, this has to be the most gruesome scene we have encountered here at DCW! YEEEECK!
Paul: But that expelation of puke might be MegaMan’s undoing! The Blue Bomber can’t keep a solid footing with that mess all over the place, and he’s falling down to the mat HARD. And look Eric, Sora’s fallen right on top of him, in what I guess is a legal pin! One.. TWO… and MegaMan got the shoulder up!
Eric: That sure was close Paul!! I would venture to say that if he didn’t get that shoulder up it would be one of the most embarrassing loses of his illustrious career. Sora seems to have gotten it together now — he’s standing up on his own power at least!
Paul: I wouldn’t say he’s got it all together, as the young hero is wobbling around the ring. At least he’s steering clear of his own barf — can’t we get someone to take care of that? Where’s “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan when you need him?
Eric: He is busy leading Rick Steiner and the rest of the famed janitorial crew of the Child’s Play movies! But it looks like our old friend Battle Kat has a mop and is doing a number on that mess!
Paul: Thanks be to God for Battle Kat — that stench is really awful! Right now Sora’s making the same mistake that MegaMan was earlier, REZ.. he’s just standing around letting the veteran catch his breath. Or is he? Look at that! Sora shoved Battle Kat to the ground and stole his mop! What on earth is he gonna do with that?
Eric: I just dont know… he can’t possibly think that mop will hurt the bomber after all of this, can he??
Paul: How do you know he couldn’t?? I think the main issue here is, though, that he’ll get disqualified if he tries! BUTWAIT! Sora’s using his powers gained from Kingdom Hearts to summon a beloved Disney character to ringside. Who is that Eric, can you tell?
Eric: SAY IT ISN’T SO! It’s that ever-annoying candlestick from Beauty and the Beast!
Paul: Lumiere? I can’t say I ever thought I’d see his waxy face here in the DCW arena! The referee is walking to the ropes to see what this candlestick wants, and that gives Sora the chance he needs! CRACK! Sora just broke that mop over the Blue Bomber’s head…. AND MEGAMAN IS COMPLETELY UNAFFECTED! WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO TAKE THIS MAN DOWN?!
Eric: That’s the same question that has haunted Dr. Wiley’s dreams for years, Paul! It seems that MegaMan isn’t taking that attack well; he looks about ready to charge!
Paul: The referee is still distracted, and I think Sora’s gonna take advantage of this. What’s this he’s pulling out of his pants?? It’s the KEYBLADE, the MIGHTY KEYBLADE used in his Kingdom Hearts adventures! A mere mop might not be able to take MegaMan down, but now I think Sora might have the edge he so desperately needs.
Eric: What is the ref doing?!! STOP PLAYING WITH THAT CANDLE AND DO YOUR JOB JANNETTY!
Paul: Sora’s holding that blade like a baseball bat, and I dont think MegaMan’s gonna be able to block this hit! OUCH, that keyblade when directly into MegaMan’s ribs, and FINALLY, FINALLY, the veteran is showing some pain.
Eric: He will be feeling that one for days to come, but still he remains on his feet! can ANYTHING take him down Paul???
Paul: Maybe another shot with the keyblade will! BUT referee Marty Janetty is finally paying attention to the match now, so Sora better get that weapon back in his pants ASAP.
Eric: How did he fit that in there anyways? That key has to be twice his size!! Ah the wonders of DCW.
Paul: Haven’t you ever played an adventure game, Eric? That Guybrush Threepwood has never ending pants, and I think Sora must have borrowed a pair. Thankfully for the plucky young hero he jammed the keyblade in on time, and Jannetty is none the wiser.
Eric: I bet HBK would have caught that! Back to the action… Sora and MegaMan are just staring each other down now.. something has to give.
Paul: And I think that something is going to be MegaMan! His ribs must still be hurting from that keyblade shot. Sora realizes is this, and lands several punches to the abdomen of MegaMan — too bad Sora hasn’t been leveling up his strength stats lately.
Eric: That could prove a costly move for Sora as a hip toss from MegaMan sends Sora flying!
Paul: Wow, look at the elevation MegaMan got on that toss, REZ! I’ve never seen someone get so much out of a mere hip toss before! And unfortunately for Sora, he landed with a splat right back in the vomit.
Eric: Ewwww I thought they had that taken care of.. oh my!! MegaMan has already climbed to the top rope and has launched himself at Sora! Where did he find such speed?!
Paul: I think he’s been playing a bit too much Sonic the Hedgehog! Look at that beautiful elbow drop MegaMan landed on the fallen Sora — reminiscent of the “Macho Man” Randy Savage. Sora’s gonna be hard pressed to kick out of that maneuver.
Eric: By the looks of those X’s that have come across his eyes, I would have to agree with you there Paul
Paul: But wait, who’s that running to the ring now? It’s Donald Duck, one of Sora’s party members from Kingdom Hearts! And he’s casting a healing spell on Sora, filling the fallen hero’s health meter right back up!
Eric: INSANITY! Who let that happen?! WHY is that duck even in the building?!
Paul: It sure wasn’t me, Eric! The referee saw it this time, though, and this match is OVER! You can’t just run into a match and phoenix down your buddy — Donald should know better than that.
Eric: And Donald is FURIOUS! I haven’t hear noises like that come out of…well anything. That duck really needs some speech classes, that is awful!
Paul: Well it’s his own fault, REZ — the referee was just doing his job. Marty Jannetty raises the Blue Bomber’s hand, and MegaMan is your winner tonight, ladies and gentlemen, via disqualification.
Eric: What a lame way to win.. but a victory is a victory — congratulations MegaMan! and Thanks to all the fans who witnessed this epic battle, see you next time .. here on..
Paul: Digital Championship Wrestling! Goodnight everybody!!
