Welcome to Player Two, your resource into the seedy world of videogame drama. Now I’m a newcomer to GameCola and my webzine n00bness is probably stinking up the place, so I’ll get to the point: This is an opinion column, and in that vein I will be opining on the dissenting viewpoints of gamer culture. Any views I have are mine and mine alone, and if you want to agree with them (which you should, because obviously I’m going to be right) you go right ahead. If you don’t agree with them, and want to explain to me exactly why I only have a few requests:
1. Use a freaking spell checker.
2. Crack open a book on proper grammar.
3. Back up your views. Don’t write me saying that I’m wrong and then leave it at that. If this does happen, I will make fun of you Strong Bad-style in a future column.
Right. Now that that is out of the way, on to our first topic.
JACK THOMPSON HAS A POINT.
“He’s an idiot ambulance chaser!”
“He got thrown off of his own pet project!”
“He tried to arrest a webcomic on the other side of the country!”
“He’s made a mockery of the US legal system!”
Well, yeah. Duh. That’s what maniacs do when you give them power. But his message has always been on point when it comes to games. He frequently says that many video games are murder simulators and sexual stimulators. That they degrade a child’s grip on reality, that they ultimately breed violence if a steady diet of gaming is given to an impressionable child.
Guess what? He’s right. He’s just a jackass and he’s saying it stupid.
Games like Halo, GTA, Doom and Max Payne do simulate murder. They put you in control of little animated guys who run around and kill people. Especially in Max Payne (one of my favorites): You can see the blood splatter in SUPER SLO-MO HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THAT GUY’S SPLEEN. It’s pretty awesome. Games like Duke Nukem 3D, Feel the Magic XY/XX, Leisure Suit Larry and others do have very sexual overtones which younger people shouldn’t see. We can all agree with that. I’ve been playing Prince of Persia: Warrior Within lately and I can tell you in the opening tutorial I saw more blood splatter than in the entire first PoP, AND the first shot of one of the main villains is her in a chain bikini. Murder and sexual stimulation. Totally not meant for kids.
And this is what he’s saying through all of his ranting and frothing. An eight year old shouldn’t be watching some chick with her breasts falling out of her “armor.” A twelve year old shouldn’t be playing a game where you run over people with cars. These things are BAD FOR KIDS.
Now, not all games are bad for kids. Personally, I love Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. How about Pokemon? Did anyone enjoy Mega Man when they had an NES? All fun games that didn’t need sex or huge amounts of blood or violence to get sales. My point? Jackie boy should be saying “don’t give these things to kids.” Instead of “I WILL SUE THE WORLD.” Once parents realize that games are not just for kids anymore, the better the world will be.