Cheat Codes for Life

Zack Huffman offers advice about getting a PS3 on the cheap, the best time to get next-gen consoles, and more.

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On the date of August 24th, 2005, I was caught with my pants down in front of a cop car that had been set on fire, while holding a book of matches in one hand and a tank of gasoline in the other. As part of my community service, I’ve been ordered to bestow my vast knowledge upon the gaming masses.

Dear Zack,

My kid wants a PS3 for Christmas. Old story there, right? It’s evidently one of the big gifts this year. I waited in line for an entire DAY outside of our local Best Buy the day before PS3’s release, and I still, somehow, didn’t end up with one. Now everyone’s sold out, and the only place to find one is eBay, where I’d have to pay an extravagant price.

What are my other options?

Sincerely,
Father Running-out-of-Time

Dear Father Running-Out-of-Time,

I hate to say it, but I think it’s pretty safe to assume that you’re shit out of luck. But then, I know that’s not what you want to hear, so here some options off the top of my head.

I’m willing to bet that there will be at least one more PS3 shipment before the end of the holiday shopping season. So you could make another attempt at waiting outside of the store. Though you’re going to have to show more dedication than waiting outside of a store for a mere day. You’ve got to commit to at least a few days to guarantee that Christmas will make up for any lack of parenting you no doubt feel guilty for. Just as I feel like no self-respecting person should submit themselves to these lines, no self-respecting kid should expect their fathers to do the same.

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You could consider buying a system off of one of the above-mentioned assholes, but doing so only encourages them. I’ve noticed it’s rather fashionable to bitch and moan about shit heads who bought up all of the PS3’s to profit from a resale. I just have trouble feeling bad about that, since they’re only profiting off of idiots with way too much money to spend.

I guess you’re other option would be to get a job at a Wal-Mart, Best Buy or anywhere else that is selling PS3s before they go back on sale. When you’re on the inside, it’s easier to “accidentally” leave one hidden in the back until you’re ready to buy it.

Finally, you always have the option of forgoing the extravagant gift this year, and instead consider something that has real value, and not the sort that is only quantifiable on eBay.

-Zack


Dear Zack,

 

I really want to pick up one of the next-gen consoles, but none of them are actually, you know, any good. PlayStation 3 costs a million bucks and doesn’t have any games, Xbox 360 costs slightly less and doesn’t have any games, and Wii makes me dance around like a retard. I can’t decide for myself, so I was hoping you could help me: Assuming I can find them, which of the new systems should I pick up?

– Consolation

Dear Consolation,

I don’t what to tell you. I really can’t, in good conscience, recommend any of the three new gaming systems. At least not until they come down in price. The rule I follow is that the first time they lower in price is a great time to buy them if you can’t wait any longer. At that point, you won’t have nearly as difficult a time at getting your hands on the consoles, and there will be plenty of games out for them.

Even if you’re happy with the current amount of available games for any of the systems, I would still recommend that you wait, since in about a year the developers will have had ample time to get a feel for the systems, making the games even better.

I can tell you right off the bat not to get a Wii. It’s a gimmicky piece of crap that will stop being interesting in a year. Just consider NES’s G-Force, Power Pad and Power Glove, Nintendo’s Virtual Boy, or most of what Sega came out with in the last twenty years. Gamers by and large are overweight sedentary sorts who don’t like to move. One new system isn’t going to change that.

That leaves the Xbox 360 and the PS3. There probably won’t be a whole lot of difference in the selection of games, so they really isn’t a good reason for buying one system over the other. Xbox 360 has HD support while PS3 can do Blu-Ray. If you can afford the sort of entertainment system that makes either feature worthwhile, and you’re using the money for that same entertainment system, then you’re asshole.

theater

Personal bias is about all I have left to go on, so I’ll say PS3. Just not anytime soon.

-Zack

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About the Contributor


From 2005 to 2007

Zack Huffman is a former staff member from GameCola's early days as a monthly email newsletter.

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