These are all real games that are really being developed.
Welcome to the introduction of another FABULOUS edition of the thumbs they call…PSYCHIC. Now, I know that I often poke fun at the esteemed Editor in Chief of this Web site, Paul Franzen. But the fact is that Paul is perhaps the GREATEST editor to ever edit anything ever. How do I know this, might you ask? Well, it’s simple but reveals a CRUEL and harsh reality about myself. You see, I can only spell the word psychic correctly 13.48% of the time. Now that your mind is BLOWN, on to the GOODNESS.
Prinny: Is It Okay If I Am The Main Character? (PSP)
It is always a sign of true greatness when your game’s title contains a rhetorical question. Especially when said rhetorical question is referring to such a beloved and well-known secondary character of a series. I mean, EVERYBODY loves Prinny!
So what the hell is Prinny, you are inquiring about? Well, I had NO clue. Apparently it’s a penguin from the FAMED Disgaea series. Name shenanigans aside, this game is hard to peg down. You see, it’s only made in Japanese! Even with all my gifts, I still have trouble psychically reading other strange languages. But rest assured I poured THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of hours into this game! However, I can, after all that hard work and strenuous effort, only come to one conclusion: This game’s name is 10x more fun than actually playing it.
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Down.
Sandy Beach (Wii-WiiWare)
Many times in the history of this FANTASTIC column, I have mocked games for only allowing you to virtually do mundane tasks that you could actually do for REAL, if you were so inclined. However, finally, there’s a game that brings one such activity to life that actually deserves a game. YES! Sandy Beach is upon us.
In Sandy Beach, you…sculpt your own sand CREATIONS…er, castles. Whatever. Now, I am one of the most highly talented and gifted humans on this planet, so I KNOW that sand castles are pretty much IMPOSSIBLE to make in real life. You may see some. They were put there by aliens. Sand castles are impossible tasks. Now, thanks to Sandy Beach, my as well as your true dreams of building a beautiful sand castle that will never ever eevvvveer be eaten by waves can fiiiinaly come true!
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Up!.
Cesar Millan’s Dog Whisperer (PC/DS)
If you have ever sat down for an evening of television viewing and thought to yourself, “I can not wait for the newest episode of the Dog Whisperer!”, please PLEASE send your name and address to the fine folks here at GameCola. We will send someone over right away to smack some sense into you.
Yeah, so now that “great” show has its own videogame. I am not gonna lie—I will not even attempt to play this game psychically, let alone physically! What could it possibly offer?! What purpose could this game have at all? Well, there is one that I can think of: Destroying billions upon billions of brain cells nationwide!
When thinking about this game, only two words come to mind. Two sad, worthless words that find themselves at every pathetic corner of the Internet. Two words regulated to the bottom of the barrel, the torturous, the unreadable, the mind-numbing parts of this big ol’ World Wide Web. Yes, as you have probably guessed, those two words are…epic fail.
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Down.
Wii Music (Wii)
What person doesn’t love a little bit of music in their lives? No person, that’s right. Music enriches our lives! Our every fiber is enhanced by music. Nothing is more powerful and NOTHING can have a greater impact. Thankfully, the Wii is adding even more music to your life.
Have you ever made any sort of movement and were just wishing with all your might that, as you did so, some great music started playing? INTRODUCING…Wii Music! Yes, Wii Music will read your movements and play music. Ooh you Wiimote—you’re so tricky! This game is bound to give you at least as many minutes of entertainment as any generic flash game! How can you not be thrilled? Look for this one to break the record of earliest used sale after the initial release! Coming to a bargain bin near you…WII MUSIC, everyone!
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Down.
Dance Hero (N/A)
In a world where ideas are stagnant and ripped off and reproduced into infinity…we now have Dance Hero! It’s like DDR with Guitar Hero’s name! Or maybe it’s like Guitar Hero with DDR’s dance pad…. Either way, it’s more of the things you’ve already played! HUZZAH!!
It is owned by Activision, so it might not be a total bust! HA! Activision making something that isn’t a total bust. I AM SO WITTY. Seriously though, it’s just not gonna be worth it. I know that may come as a shock to the thrillions of you whom have marked your calendars with its release date in anticipation of the next big thing. SUCH IS LIFE!
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Down.
Well, that is all that the THUMBS have to offer everyone this month. I know, I know—they’re amazing, and you want more. Too bad. Patience is a virtue, and any true THUMBAMANIAC knows that it is the most precious of virtues! Come back next month for another bountiful harvest of psychic gaming goodness.
