There were more videogames released this week, which means we here at “Fabricated News” are contractually obligated to guess what the games are about, based solely on their titles. How many weeks will we be able to continue this one-shot joke until we finally quit in frustration? We’ll find out!
- Rock Blast (Wii) is a game where you get to look at various pictures of rocks and have a blast while doing so.
- The Daring Game for Girls (DS) is the sequel to the wildly-popular Drama Queens. This time, the cruel, backstabbing girls are playing a Truth or Dare-based challenge in an attempt to ruin each others’ lives. Can you come up with the perfect dare that will destroy Chelsea’s social life before Macy comes up with a dare that will cause Chad to dump you? You can live out all this drama, and MORE!
- Link ‘n’ Launch (DSi Shop) is possibly the best videogame concept I have heard of in a long time. It’s a crossover between the Legend of Zelda series, and Dragon Ball Z. Toon Link teams up with Launch to solve the mystery of why they kicked her character off the show after two episodes. Unfortunately, this game fails to deliver when it comes to gameplay, and it’s made of mostly nothing but extended filler sequences where you sail across the ocean, Wind Waker style. Not fun.
- Hubert The Teddy Bear Winter Games (Wii Shop) is clearly an attempt to cash in on the popularity of the Olympics, just like two of the games from last week. This game, however, is different. It has teddy bears. Teddy bears! That sounds exciting, but who names their teddy bear “Hubert”?
- Best Friends Tonight (DS) sounds like a song from a popular boy band. Speaking of which…
- Dante’s Inferno (Xbox 360, PS3) follows the real-life story of the boy band that GameCola staff members Paul Franzen, Zach Rich, Justin Luchinski and Matt Gardner formed back in 2003. The Cola Crooning Crew quickly rose to the top of the charts with hits like You’ll Always Be My Player Two and I’d Love To Spend The Night With You, Baby, But My PS2 Is Calling. Sadly, fame proved to be too much for them, and after a highly-publicized scandal in which Matt accidentally saved over one of Paul’s save files, the band split up in 2001.
- BioShock 2 (Xbox 360, PS3, PC, Steam) is some game involving shocks. Car repair games? Booooring.
- Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (DS) is a videogame based off a movie based off a book (see “What the Crap?” for more information). The movie hasn’t been relased yet, but it has already been criticized for ruining the character of Grover Underwood, even though anyone who has read the books knows that it is impossible to make Grover a worse character. Seriously, how could they go about doing that? Making him say, “Percy, I’m scared” twenty times per book instead of ten?
- Actually, no, scratch that last bullet point. We’ve just received word that Grover in the Percy Jackson movie will be played by Grover from Sesame Street. It’s official: The Percy Jackson movie is the best movie this year.
Well, the second week this month doesn’t look much better than the first week. Maybe Week Three will really blow our socks off! After all, that’s when the Percy Jackson movie and Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth come out! Stay tuned!