The Diary of Samus Aran

After both GameCola's Metroid-themed podcast and Michael Ridgaway's review accused Metroid: Other M of misrepresenting and even ruining the strong, independent character of Samus Aran, I decided it wa

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Meta Ridleysamus being awesomeYup It's RidleyAfter both GameCola’s Metroid-themed podcast and Michael Ridgaway’s review accused Metroid: Other M of misrepresenting and even ruining the strong, independent character of Samus Aran, I decided it was time to hear the other side of the story. I roamed the galaxy for weeks in search of a decent Mexican restaurant the famous bounty hunter, in the hopes of getting an interview that would set the record straight.

Was Other M right? Have we been mistaking this fragile little girl for a butt-kicking hero all these years? Or did the space paparazzi smear her image with some misleading photos given to Nintendo? Though I wasn’t able to get an interview with the She-Huntress, I was able to filch her private diary, tripping the security alarm in the process. The datapad was damaged in the harrowing escape sequence, but the entries that remained intact speak for themselves.

Beware: MASSIVE SPOILERS.

 


2075

Dear Diary,

Today I went to planet Zebes. I blew up a bunch of flying jellyfish and an overgrown brain in a jar. I also took down some space dinosaur. It was pretty awesome.

Ridley, Take One

 


2076

Dear Diary,

Today I followed a distress signal and, long story short, ended up on Tallon IV. Remember the space dinosaur I fought on Zebes? What’s his name—Ridley? Yeah, turns out I didn’t kill him hard enough. They brought him back with bionic implants or something. I unloaded everything I had on him, and then some statues shot laser beams out of their eyes and knocked him off a cliff. It was pretty awesome.

Meta Ridley

 


2078

Dear Diary,

Today I put an end to that stupid Phazon stuff, and I think I finally got rid of my evil twin that’s been chasing me, but I can’t be sure. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that nothing ever dies around here. Like Ridley, that space dinosaur who just can’t get enough of my arm cannon. This guy was everywhere today. He attacked the Norion base and almost trapped me in a tunnel where I was rolling around in a ball. He knocked me into a generator shaft, grabbed me AS WE WERE FALLING, and would have smashed me into the ground if my Plasma Beam hadn’t reminded him that you never touch a lady without permission. The next time I saw him, I ripped off his armor with my grapple lasso, fried his insides, and absorbed him into my suit after turning him into a fine powder. It was pretty awesome.

reckless disregard for gravity

 


Yup It's Ridley2079

Dear Diary,

Today I ran into Ridley again. That jerk stole the Metroid hatchling, blew up Ceres Station, and dragged me all the way through Zebes again on a rescue mission. Which, I might add, was a total disaster. You know what? It can’t even be the same Ridley anymore—I’ve killed this guy so many times that he’s gotta be a clone or something. Clone or not, I stuffed his face with Super Missiles, he freaking exploded, and then THE WHOLE PLANET BLEW UP. It was pretty awesome.

 


2080

Dear Diary,

I’m…still a little shaken. Today I received a distress signal—code name: “Baby’s Cry.” A common SOS with the urgency of a baby crying… The nickname comes from the fact that the purpose of the signal is to draw attention. It’s a distress signal. Babies cry when they’re in distress. This signal brought me to a Bottle Ship where…where…where…OMGOMGOMGRIDLEY’SALIVE!!!!!!! DON’T HURT ME!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!! HE HAS ME IN HIS CLAW!!!! HE’S GOING TO HURT ME!!!!! NO DON’T…oh. Sorry, Diary. I just…the memory is too strong.

I was SO SCARED when he entered the room, and then…he grabbed me! Just then my suit powered down—it was a combination of overwhelming fear and an urge to show off my curves one more time before I died. I’m just glad I had a strong man nearby to rescue me! My Scan Visor caught a picture of Ridley to show you how terrifying he was:

totally not scary

Don’t tell anyone, Diary, but I think I wet myself.

 


2081

Dear Diary,

Today I blew up a space station, killed another evil twin, and demolished an X-infested Ridley. It was pretty awesome.

Yeah It's Totally Ridley Again

 

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About the Contributor


Since 2009

Nathaniel Hoover is almost certainly GameCola's most verbose staff member, and arguably the most eclectic. As administrator of the GameCola YouTube channel (GCDotNet), occasional contributor to every article category on the site, and staff editor, you're pretty much stuck with him wherever you go. Sorry.

6 Comments

  1. It’s funny how ridley always are able to come back in almost every game. I mean, do they have a factory that clone new ridleys? I don’t know about you? but i am kinda sick of ridley. why can’t they use kraid for a little while?

  2. The official word is that it’s been the exact same Ridley up until he was destroyed for good in Super Metroid. I still think it’d be awesome to pull a Jango Fett and have one original Ridley who got blown up in one of the games, and then a legion of Ridley clones. Can you imagine a clone factory battle? It’d be insane!

    I’ve been demanding Kraid in a 3-D Metroid game for ages. They totally blew an opportunity to use him in the Prime series.

  3. Intersting idea about the factory. i think it would awesome to explore a huge factory and lock at all the failed exsperiments. It could really become the scariest metroid ever.

  4. Ever seen Alien Resurrection? There’s a part in the beginning that’s very much like that, and regardless of how that movie is generally perceived, I thought that section was super-creepy and strangely cool.

  5. Yes i have seen Alien resurrection and i really like that scene. the first movie is awesome, it’s my second favorite movie after Blade runner. The metroid series is inspired by Alien and Ridley is like a tribute to the director Ridley Scott (so they say) but i’m sure you have already heard that since you seem to like the Metroid series. By the way if you ever have a free time. Go and buy or rent Blade runner if you havent seen it already?

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