E3 2011 has started, and the first piece of news is that E3 is a total liar. They said they start on Tuesday, and that’s what we reported in our preview. But in reality, E3 started today, on Monday. Our apologies for the mistake.
Determined to get the most accurate news possible, I tuned in for the live Microsoft Press Conference. Here are my on-the-scene notes.
- Things start off with a preview for Mass Effect 3. Casey Hudson steps onscreen and says that this series was always supposed to be a trilogy. That’s why some of the choices you’ve made in the first two games will greatly affect what happens in this game. In fact, I daresay those choices will have a mass effect. Ha ha! Anyway, it comes out on March 12, 2012. Our heroes need to stop the evil alien creatures, and we have a live demo of the game, which shows our heroes trying to destroy an enemy base. The guy playing this game shows no emotion at all.
- My dad called me at this point, so I missed the next announcement. It’s a preview for…another space-related game. The War for Earth has begun, men are shooting aliens and sliding around, everyone is wearing power suits and…
- Wait, never mind, that was a trailer for Mass Effect 3.
- An older man shows up while the EA logo shows onscreen. He announces that this is the EA E3 show. What? But my TV says that this is the Microsoft Conference! Why does technology insist on lying to me?!
- Now they’re showing off Need for Speed: The Run, where you have a large car race from San Francisco to New York. So, it’s a racing game with a storyline. The storyline is intended to have a lot of action sequences, which take place outside of the car. The in-game stat keeper is also going to be more detailed than any other in-game stat keeper so far.
- The news ticker says that, meanwhile, at the real Microsoft Conference, Halo 4 was just announced. They intend it to be the first of a trilogy. I can’t believe I’m missing out on this.
- BioWare shows up, with their preview for Star Wars: The Old Republic. I’ve noticed that every single presenter so for has worn a jacket. They must have a dress code at this event.
- They immediately cut into a preview for SSX, the reboot of the SSX snowboarding franchise. It looks like it takes place in a post-apocalyptic future where the Earth has been attacked by an ice age. The game is coming January 2012. They say that the game will have a lot of great characters with interesting personalities, but the characters don’t talk in any of the previews.
- British people show up, to talk about FIFA 12. I am pretty sure this is because nobody in America cares about soccer. They call it “football” instead of “soccer,” of course. They show footage from people who I can only assume are famous international soccer players. EA is planning on launching a super-awesome online service for this game, called “EA’s Football Club.”
- Then, they have a preview for Madden 2012, the NFL game. This game is not realistic at all, because the preview showed someone from the San Francisco 49ers actually scoring a touchdown. Large men, who I can only assume are famous international football players, come onstage and talk about how playing football is an intense, life-changing experience.
- EA talks more about “EA’s Football Club.” Their goal is to let you do what you want, across all platforms. To show this off, they announce The Sims Social, which is their upcoming Facebook game. The preview shows off a lot of flirty-type things that I would never do with my Facebook friends, or really, any of my real-life friends. I’m sure this game will be huge, though.
- EA then shows off things from their various partners. First, they repeat the trailer for Buff Guys With Gigantic Swords Bash Bad Guys, coming from 38 Studios and Big Huge Games. Next, they show off Overstrike, from Insomniac games. This game stars a crew of unlikely heroes, who work together on a special team. The captain is a gruff and buff guy, and his team consists of crazy black guy, Asian ninja girl who can turn invisible, and fiery redhead. According to the preview, they go around shooting people and blowing things up. The character lineup totally reminds me of the Pixar movie The Incredibles.
- A Swedish man appears to talk about Battlefield 3, which is “the best first-person shooter this holiday.” According to the words that flash on the screen during the preview, their super-special game engine, called Frostbite 2, has animation, destruction, scale, rendering and audio. They have a live demo of the game, which lasts for a really, really long time.
- Once the demo ends, the EA guy returns. He thanks everyone for attending their conference, and encourages them to visit their website.
OK, so that’s our preview of the Microsoft Press Conference, which really ended up being the EA Press Conference. Next up, we’ll have the Sony Press Conference, and given our track record, it’ll probably end up being the Capcom Press Conference instead.