[NSFW] 999 With the Pony Pros – Part 1: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors, Nine Videos

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO SOMETHING THE SHIP IS SINKING YOU MORONS.

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Well, technically three videos. But I was on a roll there and just couldn’t stop myself.

Have you been following the talkthroughs Paul and I have been doing for the cult DS hit 999: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors?

…no?

Well, why the hell not? What if we throw in Michael Gray for the third video?

Still no, and tell him to get back to Nancy Drew or Professor Layton or some game you’ve actually heard of?

Jeez. Tough imaginary crowd. But look at all of the content we provide you in the first three videos of our nine-video walkthrough:

  • “Junpei” is hard to pronounce.
  • Paul is distracted by Lotus’s outfit.
  • This group of prisoners is not moving with nearly enough urgency.
  • Nikola complains about the game, a lot.
  • Paul loves the game and has great things to say about it also hates the game.
  • Seriously, the ship is going to sink; someone just pick a damn door.
  • Seven is an idiot and should probably spend less time trying to force open doors people have already tried to open.
  • Nikola makes tasteless blind people jokes.
  • Paul doesn’t handle blood well.
  • Paul meets his quota for bringing up Enchanted Arms whenever Nikola is present.
  • Somehow, the blind guy manages to get lost.
  • Nikola and Paul talk about everything except for the game they are playing.
  • Michael shows up and yells at us for not talking about the game.
  • Michael then talks about My Little Pony.
  • My Little Ponies are magic.

my_little_999__seven_by_sharubii-d4diogy

Even without thumbs, pony Seven is still going to try to open every locked door he finds.

  • Lotus is a computer genius, because, of course she is.
  • FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO SOMETHING THE SHIP IS SINKING YOU MORONS.

And look, I’ll even be nice enough to embed the videos!

Stay tuned for next time, as I’m sure Paul and I will record the last six videos sometime before the sequel ends up coming out. Maybe.

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About the Contributor


From 2010 to 2017

Nikola has a tiny, baby beard. It is an embarrassment to the rest of the staff at GameCola, who work weekends as lumberjacks. Follow him on Twitter @NikolaSuprak for the most up to the moment details on Phoenix Wright shipping.

3 Comments

  1. This post became our fastest-ever accepted article on N4G, I’m guessing because of the ponies.

    New GameCola initiative: insert My Little Pony references into EVERYONE’s articles.

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