[NSFW] 999 With the Pony Pros – Part 3: And They All Lived Happily Ever After

Bloody knives, blindness jokes, and the SUDOKU PUZZLE OF DOOM!

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999-pony-pros-headerIt is a little-known fact that 999 was actually originally called 9999, where the extra “9” stood for “nine months to record nine videos for the GameCola staff.” However, when it became apparent to the developers that we couldn’t even record nine videos in nine months, they hurriedly changed the name and cut all official ties to the GameCola website. It might seem like we have been painfully slow with these updates, but that was entirely intentional! We planned it this way so we could time our final recording with the release of the sequel: 10-10-10 aka 9992 aka some other number-based joke.

999-pony-prosIn clockwise order: Nikola Sparkle, Paulie Pie, and Mike Diamond.

But the long wait is finally over. At long last, the…siiiiiigh…”Pony Pros” have finished the last three videos in the series. If you haven’t caught up on the videos yet, go here and here (or here) to watch them in their entirety (Warning: These are so old that they only are compatible with Betamax technology).

If you have already watched all the videos in their entirety, then thanks, Diana! I can promise the excitement continues in the final three videos, and along the way you will encounter the following:

  • Junpei saves Clover’s sanity with a bookmark.
  • Junpei is, like, 80% sure the body with a knife in its back did NOT die of natural causes.
  • Junpei and Clover share a moment, leaving Paul and Michael to debate which female character would make a better wifey for J-Dawg.
  • A different character takes another hostage at gunpoint, because apparently that is something the artist really liked to draw.
  • No one needs to talk in a falsetto this time when they find Snake, since Clover is still alive!
  • We get a 40-minute refresher on the scientific explanation behind psychic messages, because people at gunpoint usually rescue themselves anyway.
  • Seven gets his memory back and immediately reveals himself to be a complete failure, even when he isn’t suffering from a head injury.
  • Paul wonders if he can date his female self from an alternate universe, while Michael lists off, like, eight shows where that exact scenario has occurred.
  • Zero gets lazy and makes his final test a Sudoku puzzle, because a crossword puzzle would have taken too long to get together.
  • June reacts like the Sudoku puzzle is entirely in hieroglyphics and loses her mind.
  • Nikola really, really cannot stop himself from making blind jokes because he is a terrible person.
  • All is revealed, but the story still makes the same amount of sense.
  • Junpei himself is confused by the ending.
  • Sexy hitchhikers in the middle of the desert are OK to pick up, right?

So sit down, get some popcorn, and get ready to say goodbye to the Pony Pros. We are never using this moniker again. Ever.

The videos are here, here, and here, but while we’re saying goodbye, you can always find us if you look inside here.

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About the Contributor

From 2010 to 2017

Nikola has a tiny, baby beard. It is an embarrassment to the rest of the staff at GameCola, who work weekends as lumberjacks. Follow him on Twitter @NikolaSuprak for the most up to the moment details on Phoenix Wright shipping.

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