One of our writers, Dan Conlin, likes to come up with his own little backstories for his characters in the games he plays. He recently completed another playthrough of Mass Effect: Andromeda and decided to write down this extragalactic tale as he envisioned it. Now, after a brief hiatus and a slightly less brief period where he completely forgot about this story, here’s part 4.
What follows are more of the personal journals of Skip Ryder, Human Pathfinder of the Andromeda Initiative, graciously donated by his acquaintances, most of whom have been temporarily downgraded from friends.
I survived long enough to make ten entries. I should celebrate. This planet of outlaws probably has some party supplies somewhere.
Oh yeah, we’re on an outlaw planet now, as is tradition. I think it’s on the checklist right between “ice world” and “lava world”. (Luckily, we haven’t had to deal with a lava world yet. But I know it’s coming. Cliches are only true when they make me suffer.)
From what I understand, it’s full of folks from the Nexus who either got exiled during a big mutiny attempt or thought the water on the station was too clean and had a hankering for getting shot in a back alley.
Vetra and Drack seemed right at home when we got here. Fortunately, through my several weeks of experience as Pathfinder, I’ve picked up some essential skills like how to not give a friggity frick. I’m sure it’s the complete opposite of harmless, and I’m sure it’ll come back to bite me very soon. I’ll just add it to the list. (Vetra’s note: You’re learning.)
My mission on this particular planet is to gain the allegiance of whichever crime lord happens to be in charge by the time we leave. Barring that, just get them to stop shooting at us. Still figuring that part out. So far I’ve deduced they won’t accept a gift basket.
I have some words for Peebee. [Peebee’s note: It wasn’t my fault.] Had you read my journal before deciding to jettison us in an escape pod directly into a volcano, or was that just a happy coincidence? (Peebee’s note: There are no coincidences, just funny accidents that aren’t my fault.)
Needless to say, I’ve filled out my bingo card of cliches. Right down to the Saturday morning cartoon villain fighting us the whole way as we tried to escape the giant lava boy. By the way, I should apologize to Vetra for unwittingly forcing her to tag along on this impromptu debacle. (Vetra’s note: You owe me several drinks.)
The last entry was short because shut up. In keeping with its theme, though, apparently everybody on the crew had some unfinished business. Clearly 600 years and untold distances through dark space wasn’t enough to wipe the slate clean. I mean, look at me. I came to Andromeda and immediately had no idea what was going on. Still don’t. That’s how you traverse galaxies, folks.
Anyway, we just got back from a fun little excursion to rescue Vetra’s little sister, Sid. You know how kids often try to emulate their older siblings? Yeah well in this case, that translated to Sid literally impersonating Vetra and trying to free some captured settlers from a human trafficking ring. They grow up so fast.
Luckily, this story had a happy ending. Captives freed, bad guys dead, little sister scolded, it’s right out of a fairy tale. I just wish we could have been there sooner, cause the asteroid where the base was had super low gravity and I wanted to spend more time doing stunt jumps over craters. But I was happy to help. It’s nice to see Vetra smile. Or whatever that is. She could be in searing pain. I dunno. (Vetra’s note: Buy me that drink you still owe me and you’ll figure it out.)
I was thinking of skipping straight to entry 14, but I’m not that superstitious. Besides, the bad luck already happened when I became Pathfinder. (Liam’s note: We agree.) So anyway, we went back to the outlaw planet, Kadara, after the brief tangent to help my friends, partially against my will.
I essentially had to choose between supporting the current leader of the outcasts (former head of Nexus security and current mean lady) and a wannabe leader who was looking to take over (smooth talker whose heart was in the right place for a gunshot.) They decided things through a duel, and for some reason they asked me to be there. I’ve since come to terms with the fact that I’m OK with not being wanted.
Not gonna lie, I kinda supported the upstart. He seemed to care for the people and I figured he was less likely to stab me in the back if I stayed behind him. But the little jerk just had to make things difficult. He cheated by having a concealed sniper take a shot at his opponent. The shot missed when I tackled her out of the way (I don’t like cheaters. They make high scores meaningless.) But with this, it was clear the duel was over, and the current ruler would reign supreme. Way to ruin everything. I was gonna vote for you, you prick.
So yeah, that’s how today went. Right now, I’m just trying to enjoy a nice quiet meal in my quarters, which is becoming increasingly difficult with the constant emails from my crew. Too bad. You’re all just gonna have to wait.
(Liam’s note: I hope a thresher maw eats your knickers with you still in them.)