Let it be known that on this day, April 1st, 2025, the Greatest Videogame of All Time was released. We will not bore you with unnecessary details of its appellation nor its progenitors, as our incredibly well-informed readership will already be aware of such trivialities. Nevertheless, the superlative triumph of this videogame must be documented so that future generations may lay witness to its contemporary glory. In the name of that endeavor, we here at GameCola(dot)net have joined together in this collaborative article to share with you each and every one of the multitudes of shining successes this game lays bare to the videogame public of the 21st and a quarter century.
The most critical piece of information to know about this videogame is that it is available exclusively for the Super Nintendo, the Atari Jaguar, and the PlayStation 5 Pro. This is one of the reasons it is the most stupendous videogame ever devised: it uses dynamic performance scaling to allow it to play on any videogame system (as long as it is one of the three mentioned above). I do believe this is an achievement worth celebrating for years to come. For those who do not own one of the above consoles, the developer has partnered with Tiger Electronics to sell a standalone handheld version of the game.
This messiah of a game boasts graphics of the visual variety. For decades, gamers have wanted something worth looking at, and this game provides it. Never have I ever truly looked at a videogame before my eyes had the honor to gaze upon this game’s colorful eminence. Videogame journalists YouTubers will give this game a 10 out of 10 because they will now have an accurate depiction of what the outside world looks like once they get their hands on this masterpiece. Never again will they feel the cultural pressures to “touch grass” or “smell the flowers”, for they will no longer need to. No spoilers, but when Barry did his backflip off the parapet, the immersive experience made it seem like I was the one touching the grass upon landing. I’m sure other players will enjoy smelling the flowers, tasting the alcohol, and contracting MRSA like I did during my playthrough.
The game is unique in its kind…forever! Given that the publisher immediately patented the so-called super-duper game mechanics never seen before, no one can ever attempt to make a game even remotely similar to it. Thus, the developers have made the executive decision to categorize this cultural achievement as the world’s first “∞A” game. This makes more than enough sense if you commit to making a game for the Atari Jaguar. Only the masterminds at DataDesign Interactive can make such a highbrow decision.
Those in the videogame community have longed for updates on announced games that have yet to release, such as Beyond Good and Evil 2, Bioshock 4, and even the coveted Half-Life 3. Raising expectations to unrealistic heights. Today’s game, however, has done the unthinkable. It was released just as it was announced to avoid meeting expectations of any kind. Simultaneously, being the Greatest Videogame of All Time, it is also the longest awaited and most highly anticipated game ever, as gamers throughout space and time have been waiting for this moment since Zykrynax Glebulanth invented the first game in the universe 3.8 billion years ago.
There are no plans, nor there ever will be a sequel—not even a DLC—for this game, because the only programmers who know how the game works were split into seven smaller studios, and the producer was the only one who knew their names; he died shortly after the game unveiling, it is said he suffered cardiac arrest after witnessing the game he always dreamed of finally complete right in front of his eyes.
Nothing comes close to the majesty of this intensely fantastic videogame. The Big Bang has nothing on this. This is the true start of our planet and of humanity. Forget every period of time before this. It means nothing. Everything before this videogame has been a waste. All you need is this, the first-of-its-kind-never-to-be-done-again extravaganza.
Wikipedia defines a “video game” as “an electronic game that involves interaction with a user interface or input device (such as a joystick, controller, keyboard, or motion sensing device) to generate visual feedback from a display device, most commonly shown in a video format on a television set, computer monitor, flat-panel display or touchscreen on handheld devices, or a virtual reality headset.” (I forgot how citation works; just type in videogames in your preferred search engine, and you’ll find the Wikipedia page).
This is nothing like that. It’s more. It’s so much more. You might not even be able to perceive it without proper ascension. Fortunately, real gamers already know how to do this, so we will not go into that here. We here at GameCola.net got a first look at this masterwork in entertainment, and we as a whole have been left almost speechless.
The Greatest Videogame of All Time is available now exclusively at Circuit City for the Super Nintendo, Atari Jaguar, and PlayStation 5, with an MSRP of $899.99 or ten easy payments of $3,000. A handheld release by Tiger Electronics is set to release later this year. I cannot wait to discuss this game with all of you for a week via Twitter and then forget about it before moving on to the next Assassin’s Creed. Rejoice gamers. Our time has finally come.
