Dear Readers | GameCola

Dear Readers: Please Send Me Stuff for the Janish!

Columns by Paul Franzen on November 1, 2003

So you wanna write for GameCola? Here's your chance to shine! We're looking to pump up our Second Annual New Year's Awards Special with numerous guest reviews. If you've got the interest, the talent, and the testicular fortitude to bare your soul in the best goshdarn gaming newsletter that the Internet has to offer, drop me a line and I'll fill you in with more details.
Dear Readers: Atrophy

Columns by Paul Franzen on October 1, 2003

Along with fellow Team GameCola member Brian Wolf, I've been playing a lot of Secret of Mana (SNES) this month. We totally rock at it (though, let it be known that I'm the only one of us to have ever cleanly completed the game). Occasionally, somebody else from our dormitory here at Rutgers University will join up with us; but as a general rule of thumb, they don't know their rabites from their cups of wishes. It's sad, really -- all these kids who claim to have played SoM in their youth are now totally out of touch with the game. It's gotten to the point where we'd prefer to have the characters be powered by AI than by an actual human being. Anyone familiar with Secret of Mana should immediately see that this is a sad state of affairs.
Dear Readers: GameCola – The College Years

Columns by Paul Franzen on September 1, 2003

This is it. This is the last issue of GameCola to be produced partly in Tabernacle, NJ. By the time you'll have started reading my opening column, Brian Wolf, Matt Gardner, Jenna Ogilvie, Neal Iannone, and myself will all have started our freshman years at college.
Dear Readers: Ghostbusters: The Videogame

Columns by Paul Franzen on July 1, 20031

Alright guys, I'm pretty sure that GameCola's among the first to break the news on this upcoming title... but Konami's coming out with a new Ghostbusters title for Playstation 2. No word on whether or not it will be ported to any other major consoles, but PS2 is a definite.
[NSFW] Dear Readers: Cursing is Uncreative

Columns by Paul Franzen on June 1, 2003

I've recently decided that I want to keep GameCola's level of cursing to a minimum.
Dear Readers: What is an RPG?

Columns by Paul Franzen on May 1, 2003

I overheard these children in my school's gymnasium the other day discussing just what makes a game an RPG, and it kind of made me laugh. To them, a role-playing game is a game in which you name your main character, you are able to alter the storyline, and you take turns battling. So, by their logic, none of the games in the Legend of Zelda series can be considered RPGs, nor can Secret of Mana or Super Mario RPG. This got me thinking about what the true definition of a role-playing game really is. After looking back at all of the RPGs that I've beaten, I realized that the number of such games is embarrassingly small, and thus I'm probably no expert on RPGs. So I decided to pop on over to the Chrono Cross boards on GameFaqs to ask a few people who might be what their definition of a role-playing game would be.
Dear Readers: GameCola Does Disney World

Columns by Paul Franzen on April 1, 2003

So I went to Walt Disney World this month for my senior class trip. A good time was had; TV theme songs were sung, travel mugs were rendered semi-useless, pirates were made to cry -- but I won't bore you with the details. I'll just show you pictures instead!
Dear Readers: Advertisers Don’t Get Videogames

Columns by Paul Franzen on March 1, 2003

Has anyone else seen that commercial, I think it's for some sort of battery, that uses the impossible portable gaming console? The system's molded to resemble a Game Boy Advance, but I wasn't fooled. Too generic looking. Anyway, what a terrible commercial! It makes me wanna take that damn "going and going" bunny and tear its face off in a violent manner. In the ad, a kid and his grandpa (wait, old people don't play video games! ) are playing two of the GBA wannabes when the batteries of the gpa's system die, causing an error screen to crop on on his screen and the young whipper snapper to win the game. That's so dumb! The boy wouldn't win, his screen would just freeze, we all know that. So Energizer or whoever has turned off the entire gamer demographic by airing this commercial, the very demographic you'd assume they'd be trying to reach by airing a commercial featuring video games! Grrr, idiots.
Dear Readers: The Janish.

Columns by Paul Franzen on January 1, 2003

Notice anything... oh, I don't know, different, about this month's issue? The snowy background? The "weathered" (tee hee) logo? The extended Table of Contents, the luscious staff photos, anything? Well regardless of how perceptive you are, this issue, dearest readers, is a special issue. A damn special issue. This issue is not only the first issue of 2003, but the first of our second volume, and as such is our biggest issue yet.
Dear Readers: Appreciation

Columns by Paul Franzen on December 1, 2002

You know what I have come to realize this month? That far, far too many of you don't *really* care about GameCola. We grace your e-mail inbox with our free-of-charge newsletter once every month (well, almost every month), and you do nothing for us in return, not even so much as give us a lousy top 10 list. What the heck is with that, any? We might not even have a list this month if it weren't for the fortunate foresight of video game guru Terrance Atkins. Honestly, sometimes I think you just subscribe to GameCola because it makes you look cool, not because you actually give a h00t about us. Which is understandable, because everyone who's anyone subscribes to GameCola, but the very least you could do is show us some gratitude for giving you such elite status! Heck, at this point, I'd be happy to receive something so simple as some fan art, or even something so off-topic as a list of your 10 least favorite games. That's all I want, just some appreciation. If you'd be so kind. Danke.