Over 8 million people purchased Halo 3. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas sold a whopping 12 million. And Nintendo can’t defecate out Pokémon and “Wii Insert Random Thing To Do Here” games fast enough to completely satisfy the masses. But with all these amazing successes, there have been numerous games and even complete series that have fallen to the wayside. Remember: for every Super Mario Bros., there’s a Shutokou Battle 2: Drift King Keichii Tsuchiya & Masaaki Bandoh. As a proud gamer, I feel that it is my privilege—nay, my duty—to take some time and offer a brief glimpse at many of the games that disappeared into bargain bins and trash bins alike due to overshadowing from more prominent titles, as well as titles that will forever remain sequestered within one region of the world. You’d better be prepared to be educated a little, because there is much that you haven’t seen.

June 2011: Magic Bubble

I’VE BEEN WAITING A REALLY LONG TIME FOR YOU TO GET HERE…

Wow, that’s surprising. You’re not one to enjoy my company…or the company of anybody, to be honest.

I THINK YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY.

Oh, because last month you said you’d be swearing like no tomorrow?

FUCK YEAH! MY DEAL’S THE REAL SHIT!

Well, I doubt all that nonsense is suitable for this month’s game.

FUCK WHUUUUUT?!

I’m afraid I didn’t bring you anything obscene this time. Today, I bring you an arcade game called Magic Bubble.

UH…LIKE MAYBE A MAGIC FART BUBBLE?

Nope, just a regular bubble that you pop. I’m sure most visitors to this site know all about the Bust-a-Move/Puzzle Bobble series, that now legendary puzzler where you have to use a little shooting device at the bottom of the screen to pop coloured bubbles into the playing field and try to connect matching colours to make them disappear until all bubbles have been eliminated. Magic Bubble, courtesy of Yun Sung, was released in 1990 (actually predating the original Puzzle Bobble by four years) and follows the same premise, even up to the same sound effects as used by Taito four years later! That’s right—methinkst Taito has committed plagiarism! GAMING plagiarism!

It’s not entirely the same, though it’s mostly the same. One of the major differences, aside from the distinctive lack of those cute dinosaurs, Bub and Bob, is the implementation of a scale system, where a pulley balances two initially equal bunches of bubbles. Pop some from one side, and the other side falls closer to the bottom (increasing your chances of level failure unless you even things out). It’s a neat system that could make or break you, depending upon your skill.

The game also boasts–

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK FILETS?!

Is there a problem?

YOU BET YOUR FUCK FILETS THERE’S A PROBLEM! I CAME HERE EXPECTING OBSCENITY AND ALL YOU GIVE ME IS AN ADORABLE FUCKING PUZZLE GAME? FUCKING DAMMIT, GIVE ME SOMETHING HERE! I HAVEN’T HAD A GIRL OVER IN AGES, AND I NEED SOMETHING WITH A BIT OF PINACHE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

Heh heh heh…

WHAT’S SO FUNNY, YOU BEANPOLE MAN-TOAD?

OK, OK; I’m sorry. I’ve been toying with you a bit. There’s actually an ADULT version of Magic Bubble out there as well, in which, after completing a board, you get to reveal a picture of nearly unclothed or entirely naked women doing various things.

YOU BETTER HAVE BROUGHT PICTURES!

*sigh*…Fine.

[Editor's note: If you keep reading past this, you're acknowledging that you're over 18, and also not going to sue us!]

THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! THIS IS INSTANTLY THE BEST ITERATION OF “GAMERA OBSCURA” EVER!

Glad to appease your sexual appetite with gritty pornography from two decades ago. I don’t know HOW this got past the GameCola censors… Anyhow, tune in next time for another edition of “Gamera Obscura”!

Gamera Obscura: X The Ball [NSFW] Gamera Obscura: Uncle Poo Gamera Obscura: Super Cartridge Version 2: 10-in-1 Gamera Obscura: Girlfriend Construction Set