Impaired Closed Captioning: Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time

Impaired Closed Captioning: Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time

FF ICC BannerIt’s been quite some time since we last checked in on our YouTube channel and its success with Transcribe Audio, Google’s brilliant speech-to-text feature that puts both the deaf and hearing-enabled on the same playing field, in that neither one has any idea what’s going on.

Yell and Understand

See? That’s progress, right? With a few billion more dollars, perhaps we can advance this Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles transcription to accurately reflect Michael Gray and Mike Ridgaway, respectively, saying: “Yeah.” “And, uh…” I can’t imagine how much money Google has poured into this Transcribe Audio thing, but I have personally sent them a few hundred dollars, and with results like this, I feel like they’re not even looking at my money.

Mir

Oh. That would explain why postage was always so expensive. Well, it still feels like someone’s grabbed the entire research and development budget and put a match to it.

Expenditures

Exactly. At least Transcribe Audio isn’t as fixated on politics and foreign relations as it used to be. Now it likes to twist Mike and Michael’s words into fitting observations of, for example, their repeated failure to douse a burning city with “a lot of barrels of water.”

Errors of Water

I’m not always sure I like the new direction of Transcribe Audio’s humor, though; it somehow manages to find potty humor in the most innocuous of minigame titles, like “Culinary Capers.”

Urinated Reference

I’m also rather alarmed by Transcribe Audio’s proclivity for threatening 1990s cartoon shows in the future tense, like they haven’t been created yet.

Bobby's World

What’s the angle here—time machine? More like crime machine. I know for a fact Transcribe Audio has done some serious jail time.

Daddy Albee

Seventy-two years! At least it was a productive use of a lifetime.

Federal Prison Time

Unless “federal prison time” was supposed to be Michael saying, “better at this than I am,” in which case I’m making up absurd stories. I apologize. To make up for it, let me take a moment to recalibrate the transcription—I’ll just plug in a phrase, and take Transcribe Audio’s result at face value, without any added commentary.

For starters: “really easy way to cheat”

Israeli Chief

There, that’s better. Now, try: “you just hold down the C button”

Batman

Spectacular. OK, last one, speaking about Editor-in-Chief Paul Franzen, and I want you to turn your transcription into a witty retort on his behalf this time: “I think—I dunno—he’s legally required to watch all the crap we put out”

Firefighter Grandmother

I think Transcribe Audio might do well to get outside every once in a while, where people speak actual language. Go on, now. Stand up and take a walk.

Standing Up

Good heavens! Why don’t you know how to stand up!?

Reproductions

EGAD, MAN! And just who is responsible for this!?

Clients

As well they should! I hope you had at least a few good transcriptions from all of that—you did refer to male anatomy in the proper slang terms, right?

Wong

Dear me. Thinking about it some more, I suppose we’ll need more housing for all those children you’ve had.

Architecture

At your pace, undoubtedly. Do you even know how to be a parent? How can anyone manage that many kids? How do you talk to them?

Richard

I guess, but that’s a lot of mouths to feed…how do you intend to keep the little ones’ bellies full?

Mammals

Fine, fine, but when you run out of bread and mammals for little Richard—and I’m sure you will—what will you give your children to eat?

Delicious Transcript

Preposterous! Who eats transcripts?

Ministers

What!? Don’t obfuscate the issue with clergy! Besides, Mike was saying, “there is no fire magic here.” Transcribe Audio, you’ve got a loooong way to go. Thank you for your service, but you’re really not qualified for the position of transcription program. I think, sadly, it’s time to look for another one.

Buscar Otro

Precisely. I’ll just—wait, are you translating everything into Spanish first!? ¡Ay, caramba! No wonder you sound like Google Translate! (Another fine Google product.) I had no idea English wasn’t your first language. Why didn’t you tell us?

Mexican Discretion

Aha.


Article rating: 8.71 BEARDS out of 10

About the Author

Nathaniel Hoover is almost certainly GameCola's most verbose staff member, and arguably the most eclectic. As administrator of the GameCola YouTube channel (GCDotNet), occasional contributor to every article category on the site, and staff editor, you're pretty much stuck with him wherever you go. Sorry.
Email: nhoover@gamecola.net

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