Fabricated News: No More Final Fantasy Remakes

Square Enix's press conferences are usually about how they won't make a Chrono Trigger sequel because they don't like making money. However, in their press conference today, they talked about their

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Square Enix’s press conferences are usually about how they won’t make a Chrono Trigger sequel because they don’t like making money. However, in their press conference today, they talked about their Final Fantasy remake policy.

People have been very confused about this policy. In the Game Boy Advance era, they released Final Fantasy 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 in order. In today’s DS era, they have released Final Fantasy 4 DSFinal Fantasy 3 DS and Final Fantasy 12 DS. I can’t see any pattern in that release schedule except 3 times 4 equals 12, can you? Good thing they held a press conference to explain it.

Final Fantasy Press Release

In a shocking move, the press conference about the Final Fantasy remake policy revealed that they aren’t going to make any more Final Fantasy remakes in the near future.

Our remake policy is basically a sham. We just change a couple of sprites here and there, re-record the music, and then slap a $50 price tag on the product.  In the past, we’ve been able to get away with this because GameStop doesn’t sell games that are over two months old. But in today’s world of Virtual Console and Xbox Live, people are able to download the original games at reasonable prices.  This has basically put a stop to the sales of our remakes.

Besides, all the 2D Final Fantasy games are exactly the same, anyway. If you’ve played one, you’ve played them all.  Why bother remaking all of them? We’ve remade two of them; that’s enough to give you the complete Final Fantasy experience.

During the question and answer portion of the press conference, I asked why Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2 came out for the Nintendo DS, not the Game Boy Advance. I was then forcibly ejected from the building by an angry Cloud Strife, so I wasn’t able to get an answer, unfortunately.  I’m sure it was a good one, though.

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About the Contributor


From 2007 to 2016

Michael Gray is a staff writer for GameCola, who focuses on adventure games, videos and writing videogame walkthroughs.

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