Welcome to the December edition of those wonderful appendages we call the PSYCHIC THUMBS. You know it’s the December edition of the THUMBS…because the calendar says it is December. So! Let’s get right into it, and take a gander at what games you’ll soon be depressed about, because they won’t come out in time for YOUR holiday season!
DISSIDIA 012 [duodecim] FINAL FANTASY (PSP)
Dissidia was an interesting game. Sure, it may have left a few people baffled as to what it was—it was by no means a traditional anything—but it was different, intriguing, and, once you knew what you were doing…fun!
Now, a sequel? This is great! Now we know what to expect. Maybe the developers can work out some of the kinks, too. New modes? Fantastic! Everybody likes to have options. New beloved Final Fantasy characters? Perfect! Who doesn’t want new characters. This is shaping up to be a smart, simple sequel.
Wait…it’s named what?! Are those even words? Why are there brackets…? WHY DOES IT NOT MAKE ANY SENSE. “DISSIDIA 012 [duodecim] FINAL FANTASY”?? This is just some code name, right? No?! Oh boy.
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumbs say… Thumbs Up! (except for the terrible name, of course)
Super Street Fighter IV 3DS (3DS)
I was just thinking the other day that the world needs more games with terrible controls. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Eric, videogame developers are already sooo good at making games with terrible controls; how could they possibly top themselves?!” Well, the answer is simple: Super Street Fighter IV 3DS.
The last three letters are key. “Super,” “Street Fighter”…those parts are great. The number is OK, too. But 3DS!? Whoah! What’s that!? Oh, right. It’s the next new DS. So what’s the recipe for horrible controls? Take a game that is already well established, especially in terms of its controls. Put it on a system that’s known for terrible controls (or at least, the newest version of a system that’s known for terrible controls), and then mix in some zany touchscreen features and, even better, some wacky 3D effects. SO AWESOME!
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs say… Thumbs Down.
The Sims Medieval (PC)
In an earlier post on GameCola, our esteemed Editor-in-Chief stated that he doesn’t care what anyone thinks—he’s ready to enjoy The Sims Medieval. It’s a good thing he doesn’t care, because I’m about to say a lot of hurtful things.
You know what The Sims needed? To get rid of that Sims part, apparently! The Sims Medieval doesn’t really need the Sims name. It looks more like Civilization than The Sims (it looks nothing like Civilization, either.) It looks more like a simplified RPG, or maybe a robust adventure game, than anything that resembles The Sims. However, a name is just a name! It could still be a fabulous game. It just feels like one hilarious joke. Did they announce this on April Fool’s Day?
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs say… Thumbs Down.
LittleBigPlanet 2 (PS3)
LittleBigPlanet 2! Haven’t you heard? It’s like LittleBigPlanet, but with 1,001x the AWESOME! What a wonderful idea! If only more games would just ratchet up the awesome level to insane amounts, we would never be disappointed in a game again!
I mean, look at what it has to offer. Giant sack people. HOOK SHOTS. Every game needs the damn hook shot! LINK! WHY ARE YOU SO STINGY WITH YOUR HOOK SHOT. Also, have you seen all the crazy minigames you can make? Fighting games?! Racing games?! ALL INSIDE LBP2! It is craziness abounds. The only downside is that it comes out in the first month of the new year, which means that all other games in 211 will only be disappointing reminders that they are not LittleBigPlanet 2.
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs say… Thumbs Up!
Dynasty Warriors 7 (PS3/X360)
Seriously!?! They still make these!!? How can there only be 7? I’m pretty sure I played seven different versions of this game when I was in high school. They are all the same! Who even needs new editions? Pick a dude with a weapon you think is cool, slaughter lots and lots of people, then slaughter 2.4 million more. The end. The games are fun enough, and all…but one was enough for me! …This is where all those Asian grindfest MMOs spawned from, isn’t it.
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs say… Thumbs Down.
Well, that does it for this super fantastically amazing edition of the THUMBS. I know this edition was particularly wonderful: the fates were just that kind to all you loyal readers! Until next time, just sit back, relax, and let sweet, sweet visions of LittleBigPlanet 2 dance in your head.
I read this while eating my lunch today. If you’ll allow it, I’d like to give a thumbs up to potato soup.
Man, that Final Fantasy title is right up there with Kingdom Hearts 365/24/7 days, or whatever the crap it is called. What the crap is up with game titles these days?
I feel compelled to say that “duodecim” is Latin for “twelve”. It still only partially explains the horrible title for that game.
That is part of the truly terribleness. It has twelve in its title twice. WHAT?