E3 2011: Gears of War 3, Halo: Anniversary, Hole in the Wall, and More

Hello, and welcome to GameCola’s continuing coverage of E3 2011. The three main companies have finished their press conferences. Usually, the E3 news slows down at this point, and all the news reports start to look like this:

I played the demo of Game X. OMG, it is the best game ever! The controls are so smooth, and the gameplay is so realistic! I’m not going to actually describe the game, but trust me, it’s really, really good!!!

Who needs news reports like that? Today, GameCola is going to bring you all some real news. Here are all the news stories that we’ve got:

• After they revealed the Wii U, Nintendo’s stock plummeted, reaching a five-year low. Ouch.
• Also, Nintendo admitted that some of the HD gameplay footage they showed in the Wii U press conference was actually taken from the Xbox and PlayStation versions of those games. They promise that the Wii U will have HD graphics like that when they’re finished with it, though.
• One of the most popular demos was Kinect Star Wars. In this game, you have to use the Kinect to use a lightsaber. You can also use force powers, which I’m pretty sure has to include choking people, like Darth Vader did in the first Star Wars movie.
• The Horde Mode of Gears of War 3 has received a major upgrade. I don’t know what this means, but the reviewer spent three pages talking about how great it is, so I’m guessing that it’s important enough to report.
• Microsoft has a new silly-looking peripheral: the Wireless Speed Wheel. They didn’t say what games it works with, but they did say that it is being released in October, for the “affordable price of $59.”
• In related news, Microsoft and I have totally different definitions for the word “affordable.”

• In addition to Halo 4, Microsoft is making Halo: CE Anniversary. This is a remake of the first Halo game, set to release ten years after the first Halo game did. Like the recent Monkey Island remakes, this game will let you switch between the fancy new graphics and the original graphics.
• Nintendo released a new trailer for Paper Mario 3DS. The series is returning to RPG-style battles. The best part about the trailer, in my opinion, was the mandatory 3DS disclaimer: “This trailer contains 2D footage of a 3D game.” I mean, isn’t the whole point of the Paper Mario series that it’s not in 3D?
• Actually, you know what? Prediction time. Paper Mario 3DS will be the top-selling 3DS game, because it is not in 3D.
• Pikmin 3 isn’t going to be released on the Wii, in case you didn’t guess that by now. In fact, I think the only Wii game being released this year is Kirby Wii. Unlike Kirby’s Epic Yarn, this one is actually supposed to be a Kirby game. To be honest, I feel really bad for this game, because half of the people who reviewed the demo asked the same question: “Why is this game so different from Kirby’s Epic Yarn?”.
• Speaking of Kirby, Kirby’s Mass Attack is being released for the DS this year. In this game, Kirby is split up into ten mini-Kirbys, who have to work together to stop bad guys.
• There is a playable version of Double Fine’s Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster, for the Kinect. It stars Elmo and Cookie Monster, who go inside storybooks and clean gardens, while dressed like bumblebees. It is apparently the best game ever.
• That weird TV show, Hole in the Wall, is coming to the Kinect. This game actually makes perfect sense, because the TV show involves contorting your body into strange positions.
• The God of War PSP games are being re-released on the PS3. They’ll come together on one disc, and they’ll contain upgraded graphics. Trophy support is confirmed. Other than that, I could find no other news from Sony.
• The next Professor Layton game, Professor Layton and the Jail Break, is being released this August. The story is that Professor Layton has been arrested for neglecting Flora, even though he’s her legal guardian. Layton then has to break out of jail to stop the British Royal Wedding, because the prince has been secretly abducted by aliens. Either that, or they’ll release the game about the magical flute instead.

All right, so that’s all the E3 news I could find today. Stay tuned, because tomorrow is the last day of E3, so there are probably going to be a few surprise announcements in store for us.