We’re slaves to nostalgia here at GameCola—you’ve seen it once, no, a hundred times in fact. People cannot accept progress and instead choose to hide behind the games that they played when they were younger. Connecting on from this point…
I am not quite sure why I dislike The Simpsons Arcade Game. No, wait, I am sure—this is about as shameless a cash-in as you can get. Take your existing arcade hit and make some graphics changes. A weekend’s work worth two in the bud, or whatever the sodding idiom is.
Maybe it’s the poor visuals compared to Konami’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles released two years earlier that puts The Simpsons Arcade Game into perspective. Even the soundtrack is unmemorable. Perhaps this hatred is due to poor controls and uninspired bosses. It could also quite simply be that, besides the characters and locations, the rest of the game does not have anything to do with The Simpsons.
It’s almost as if the game was rushed into the arcades because The Simpsons was extremely popular. Well, fancy that.
Marge’s turn-ons include violence, and first-degree murder with household appliances.
Outside of butchering characters and their behavior (Waylon Smithers would neither kidnap a baby nor rob a jewelry store), we also have the lack of both the chalkboard gag and the couch gag, two of the many elements that make the opening of every Simpsons episode a spectacle to look forward to.
Did Konami even know what The Simpsons was about? Or did they watch three episodes and base a whole game off of those?
DO NOT WANT
As far as beat ’em ups go, The Simpsons Arcade Game feels so flat, unlike in a game such as Final Fight or Golden Axe, where you can feel the weight behind every kick or swing of the axe. In Streets of Rage, you can call on the police to fire bombs at the enemies, but if you’re playing The Simpsons Arcade Game you don’t have anything in the way of special moves.
There are team-up moves that you can deploy when playing the game in multiplayer, but even these are nothing more than stronger versions of the basic attacks. Each character’s ordinary combos can make them stumble, offering the enemies more of a chance to actually land an attack.
Speaking of enemies, I really hope you enjoy fighting the same two enemies over and over most of the time. They might even surprise you and make the purple ones green for a while. Also, they’re not from the cartoon series at all—except maybe Bigfoot.
Smithers was a childnapper; who knew? Only Konami, apparently.
In terms of when this game came out, and in terms of The Simpsons‘ popularity at the time, this is a dreadful game.
On the plus side, this re-release features the Japanese ROM, which utilizes an improved life-bar and extra power-ups. This is definitely the most enjoyable way of playing The Simpsons Arcade Game, if I can use that word in connection with this game.
Although the story, situations and a few of the environments are FUBAR, this game does contain a few stand-out moments and some excellent ideas. It is just too bad that it hasn’t aged well, looks ridiculously bare and ignores the complex natures of the characters seen in the show.
And was made to cash in on a popular license with little effort.
The look on Patty and Selma’s faces says it all, really.
Also, perhaps that should be “Selma and Selma,” because both those sprites are based on Selma and not Patty—they do have minor differences in the cartoon. Patty wears a pink dress and triangular earrings. Don’t see those, do we, Konami?
What does Mr. Burns need a diamond for? Why would he require Smithers to steal one when he could just buy it himself with all the money he has? Why does Maggie mistake a diamond for a pacifier when they’re nothing alike in terms of shape, colour or texture?
The Simpsons Arcade Game is rushed. The only reason that this game doesn’t suck entirely is because it was made back when Konami was competent enough that it didn’t rely on other studios to make their shitty games for them. They made their own shitty games quite well without other people’s help.
Wait a god-darned second—Bart’s shirt is the wrong fucking color. Isn’t this supposed to be based off of the cartoon?
I quit. I’ve had enough. I can’t stop you spending $10 on this dog pile, so go ahead, convince yourself you’re enjoying it.
Alternatively, buy this for $5 and have four times the fun.
You can also watch my video review on YouTube by clicking here.