Welcome to Inside the Guide, the column that gives you a behind-the-scenes look at writing videogame guides for GameFAQs. It’s been a year since I last looked at the GameFAQs Prolific Rankings, so I might as well check back in and see where I’m at. Maybe I’m in the top three now!
… Wait a minute.
Wiggedy-waggedy-WHAT??? I dropped back down to NUMBER EIGHT? How can I be in eighth place? What happened to my huge push to be #7? Does this mean I’m not going to be on the 2014 GameFAQs’ Greatest Contributors Calendar?
Who is this Keyblade999 person that kicked me out of my place?! I demand satisfaction! I will challenge him to a duel on Mario Kart 64, and…
He’s in high school. That’s when I started writing for GameFAQs, over ten years ago, and…*sigh*
… I think this means I’ve officially been replaced. I can’t compete with the new generation of high school GameFAQers! They’re young and hip, while I’m older than the Internet.
I mean, who’s above me on the list now? Daniel Engel, AKA the guy who actually makes money from GameFAQs? I can’t compete with him! He’s got over 22,000KB of text on the site, compared to my paltry 7,200KB. Plus, he wrote the definitive guide for Color a Dinosaur (NES). Who else can do something that great?
Yeah, this is it. My glory days are past me. Retirement from my unpaid GameFAQs writing job awaits.
Wait a minute! The standings say that Daniel hasn’t written a new guide since August 2011! If I can write another guide, I can jump past him in the standings and make it back onto the GameFAQs Calendar!
Maybe I don’t have to retire! Instead of being a high schooler with too much time on his hands, I can be an adult with too much time on his hands!!! Clearly, I win!
I just need to pick the perfect game to write a guide for. Normally, I’d pick Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Dual Destinies, but that game is too mainstream for GameCola. I need something more obscure…like Ulysses and the Golden Fleece! 1980’s text adventure games are genre which never gets old!
It looks like I’m back on GameFAQs. All right!