I recently got a paycheck. Twelve minutes later I ordered the Sony PSP Dynasty Warriors Premium Pak whatever thing from gamestop.com. Best $336 (including shipping) I’ve ever spent. Let me tell you, I nearly cried when I opened up the package, that’s how beautiful this thing is. This is the Lufia II of consoles! LUFIA FREAKING II. Man, my heart is pounding as I write this, hold on a minute. I need to look at it again for a few seconds. Oh screw it, it’s across the room and I’m not getting up. Anyway, suffice it to say it’s damn sexy.
When asked by Paul if it was better looking than the DS, I responded in such a way that prompted Paul to demand that my response be put into of the Month. So here it is: “DS is the ugly fat bitch who gets in your face and stops you from taking the PSP back to your place because its girls’ night out no boys allowed.”
Okay I’m a little tired of that line, you get the point whatever. ANYWAY to the point. What is the point? I don’t even usually have those in of the Month. Hmm… Well, it seems to me that the library of games is turning out well enough for the PSP. Better than the DS, anyway. And since the PSP isn’t touch screen-based every damn game for it isn’t going to make you draw stupid lines or poke things in the exact same way you do in every single game for the system to the point where you only need to own four games for it and then you spend 90% of your time using its backwards compatibility to play GBA games. And it’s better than Xbox, too. Screw you, Xbox. OH, and on what other portable system can you watch Will Smith’s hilarious antics in the newly released on PSP movie Hitch?! Certainly not Game Gear.
I’m a little lost again. I think I have a point for this article now— it’s in my grasp and I’m trying to type fast and not let it slip away. Okay, here’s the “So, basically” of the article: I like the Sony PSP. A lot. It’s one of the hottest consoles I have ever seen in my life, and it even comes with a special cloth so I can obsessively wipe dust off of the screen. It’s like the creators were in my head when they put the package together. Anyway, that’s the point and here is the bottom line: My new high compliment is “PSP.” For example, if I see a car and say “Man, that car is the PSP of four door sedans,” it means that the car in question is a car that I, someone who doesn’t give a rat’s finger about cars and is quite content driving whatever car is sitting in the garage and has no desire to ever buy a car unless its absolutely necessary, would actually consider saving up for and buying. Another example would be, if I call someone a PSP, I probably would marry you if I called you that.
Does anyone remember than movie where those two nerds made some hot woman with a computer somehow? I think they typed something in and she came out of some puff of smoke or something—maybe it was a Barbie doll or something they were turning into a woman, I forget. I just remember she had a half shirt on—it was probably the 80s. She really wasn’t my type, so I don’t think I would try to turn a PSP into a woman, since it would probably have similar results. I shall stick to just loving my PSP in a strictly gaming related way then. Gamers should understand. And buy a PSP.