Dear Readers: Sorry About the Lack of Cheesecake

Traditionally, the December edition of Dear Readers is all about me offering cheesecake photos of myself in exchange for your writing services.

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cheesecake(Editor’s note: This article was originally published in the December 2008 issue of GameCola, back when GameCola was published in a monthly online magazine format.)

GameCola Headquarters
New Haven, CT 06511

December 1, 2008

Dear Readers,

Traditionally, the December edition of Dear Readers is all about me offering cheesecake photos of myself in exchange for your writing services.1 Some have called it immoral, but when it comes to GameCola, there are very few parts of my body that aren’t on the market. In the past, we’ve always wanted to beef up our staff leading up to our New Year’s Awards Special issue, also known as “the best thing you will read all year, which is a shame, because it comes out in January.” There are two main reasons for this:

1) Because we want to enhance the January issue’s specialness by debuting a multitude of new writers in it, and

2) Because we tend to lose many of our regular writers throughout the year2 without adding many new ones, which leaves us with a tiny staff by the time January rolls around.

This year, I’m sad to say, we aren’t planning to bring on many new writers. I know what you’re thinking, and don’t worry—it’s not because I don’t want to share any more cheesecake photos of myself. Anyone who’s my friend on Facebook knows that simply isn’t true. No, the “problem,” as it were, is that, inexplicably, we’ve managed to maintain a rather huge staff throughout the year, meaning that we really don’t have much need or room for new writers at present.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t, if you want, e-mail me about joining our staff in the coming weeks; rather, it’s to say that I’m not actively looking for anyone. It’s also to say that I’m proud of our current writers, as they’ve shown a dedication in sticking with us that’s unparalleled by any staff we’ve had before.

Now then—we’ve got a great issue lined up for you this month, gamefans!3 Don’t be thinking we slacked off just because next month’s issue is the one people really care about. Here, take a look at just some of the awesome we have lined up for your eyeballs:

  • We have reviews of all three classic Super Mario Bros. games! All written by the same person!

  • That person, Meteo, also reviewed indie puzzler Chains this month, which means that he’s written more reviews by himself for this issue than some GameCola issues have had total.

  • Michael Gray tells us what you can do to get us more readers in “Pimp My ‘Cola” and shows us fan mail he’s received for his walkthroughs in “Inside the Guide.”

  • Vangie’s boyfriend makes a huge Chrono Trigger-related blunder in “Gamer Girlfriend.”

  • Matt Gardner talks about how awesome I am in “…of the Month“! That’s always enough to get a shout out here

  • And, because I guess December is Opposite Month, we’ve got a column from reviewer Zach Rich, and reviews from columnists Richo Rosai and Michael Gray. Is this what insanity feels like?

  • But wait, there’s more! This month in “Versus Mode,” we’ve got a special guest star: Brendan Becker, organizer and owner of the MAGFest videogame convention. If you’re still on the fence about attending MAGFest in January, lemme just say that the people who perform this song are gonna be there.

Whoa, Nelly! I’m writing this paragraph way in advance of any articles coming in, so I have no idea what those bullet points say yet. But I’m just sure they’re great. Enjoy the issue!

Paul Franzen
editor in chief
e-mail: pfranzen@gamecola.net


1. This photograph was taken in 2003, when I was in high school, beardless, and apparently much more buxom.

2. The reasons people give for leaving GameCola run the gamut from “boredom” to “lack of payment” to “lack of readers” to, in at least one case, “severe hand injury.” I’m not making that last one up.

3. Was I banned from using the word “gamefans”? I forget.

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