Fabricated News: New Videogame Releases for Week 4

The last week of the month is here, and it couldn't have come any sooner, by jingo. I'm running out of ways to make jokes about videogames I've never heard of before, after doing this column for thre

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The last week of the month is here, and it couldn’t have come any sooner, by jingo. I’m running out of ways to make jokes about videogames I’ve never heard of before, after doing this column for three weeks in a row. So, without further ado, let’s enjoy the end of February! Here are some of the games that came out this week:

  • Heavy Rain: Because everyone loves videogames about the weather.
  • Napoleon: Total War: The sequel to the somewhat-popular Napoleon: Partial War, this game gives a more complete version of the story of the French dictator’s attempt to take over the world. Included in this game are lesser-known moments in Napoleon’s life, like the time he challenged the King of England to a limbo contest, or the time a con artist pretended to be his twin brother (claiming they never met before because they were Born-apart).

napoleon

  • Sonic and Sega All-Stars Racing, as you may remember, got stuck in development for an extra six months when they couldn’t find a second Sega All-Star. They eventually settled for Billy Hatcher and the Super Monkey Ball monkeys.
  • Space Mission: Land on Mars was cancelled by NASA, because they couldn’t planet correctly.
  • Faceez is a craaaaaaazy game where you can do craaaaaaazy things like take pictures of your friends and give them pirate hats. Boy, the DSi is looking better and better every day! The name of the game is spelled wrong, which means it must be cool!

Yar.

  • Sled Shred featuring the Jamaican Bobsled Team and Winter Blast: Snow and Ice Games are two more games meant to capitalize on the success of the Winter Olympics. That makes about ten such games this month. *Sigh*…
  • Art of Murder: Cards of Destiny is a game where you star as high school student Steven Melchenski, who finds a set of blank playing cards and starts drawing on them during a boring physics lecture, not knowing that they are The Cards of Destiny, which means everything drawn on them comes to life. The game starts off with some lighthearted adventures as Steven uses the cards to help him get a girlfriend, but things quickly get dramatic when a crazed serial killer steals 20 of the cards, and Steven is thrown into a desperate battle to get the world back to normal.
  • Finally, Flight Control. I’m pretty sure that GC staff writer Nathaniel Hoover made a video review for this game.

So those are some of the new games from this week. Let’s wrap this column up by giving out the Gaming Olympics awards!

The Gold Medal goes to…Faceez, for extreme pirate fun!
The Silver Medal goes to…Heavy Rain, because I love the weather!
The Bronze Medal goes to…Finland, for being awesome!

Thus ends February 2010, the month of the Olympics. So long, everyone!

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About the Contributor


From 2007 to 2016

Michael Gray is a staff writer for GameCola, who focuses on adventure games, videos and writing videogame walkthroughs.

8 Comments

  1. So, apparently Ryo Hazuki from Shenmue is in Sega All Stars Racing.That’s funny Sega, it’s almost like your treating him like a serious character even though YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED THE FREAKING SERIES AND YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE HORRIBLE GAMES ABOUT A BLUE HEDGEHOG AND AAAAAARRRGGG!

  2. I think the problem lies less in them not having finished Shenmue, but rather ignoring the immense profit it would achieve. As for the Sonic bashing, go fornicate with yourself. 😉

  3. C’mon, Sega! You ponied up the cash for Banjo and Kazooie–why not pony up the cash for ToeJam and Earl, too?! There’s no way Greg Johnson is asking for THAT much.

  4. It’s sad, because Banjo & Kazooie just seem to have a bigger fanbase… ;p ToeJam & Earl would make a pretty sick duo, but I really wanted Vectorman, transforming into a flying fish or something.

  5. Wrong answers all around! Sega payed nothing to get Bear and Bird in the game. It was Microsoft’s idea in the first place, and Rare loved the idea.

    Source: http://www.tssznews.com/2010/02/18/asr-another-lycett-qa/

    TJ&E were planned for the game, but their rights are owned by someone else. Fan demand could let Sega deside to shell out rights down the road for DLC. Linky: http://forums.sega.com/showthread.php?t=299703

    Also to note: Sega had nothing to do with the development of the game, or choosing the final character roster. Sumo Digital, the DEVELOPERS, did. It’s much the same as Sega doesn’t make the crap 3D Sonic titles, Sonic Team does. Sega does have fault in the poor quality of these games though; typically, they rush the developer for the release of the game, so to have a game at retail for the Christmas season. That’s the major reason the 3D Sonic’s have been glitchy and unplayable. At the same time, Sega sees no issue with that; the games still sell like hotcakes.

    Other side note: Just because you want to see a sequel to a game, doesn’t mean it’s going to be a financial success. Nuts and Bolts was a commercial flop, dispite being very good and very demanded by the fanbase; it was simply bought by fans of the series, though I think sales may have picked up as of late. Any Gamer who didn’t own a Dreamcast (i.e. most of them.) Likely wouldn’t know Shenmue because they didn’t have a chance to play it. Yes, a sequel would be killer, but don’t ever assume it would be an instant seller for Sega. I have no idea how Sin & Punishment 2 is getting an NA release, but it’s an even bigger mystery if it’s going to sell. It’s all up in the air.

  6. Yea, I’ve pretty much given up on the whole sequel to Shenmue thing, I know it’s never going to see the light of day because nobody would buy it, and I’m ok with that really. I also don’t have some weird hatred for Sonic, as I’ve loved them all till they made the jump to 3D, and even then, I stuck around till Sonic Adventure 2 Battle, it’s just sort of a joke to me really. I know for a fact that Shenmue would do very poorly, it’s just puzzling to me how people keep buying sonic games even though they haven’t exactly worked properly.

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