Fabricated News: The Xbox 720

The Internet is abuzz with rumors about the Xbox 720, which is Microsoft’s next-gen system. Everyone is itching to know what the system will be like, and the reporters here at “Fabricated News” have the calamine lotion that will help.

What will the 720’s graphics be like? Well, we can safely report that the Xbox 720’s graphics are over three thousand times better than the graphics on the Xbox 360. Or, in other words, the graphics are so good, they are better than real life.

The human eye can only see about six million colors; this system can display six billion colors. The human eye only sees about 576 megapixels at once; this system can display about 900 megapixels at once. The amount of detail that the Xbox 720 can produce is simply astonishing.

Even puppies are astonished by the graphics.

Gaming developers are unhappy about the Xbox 720’s graphics. “It already takes us over two years to design high-end graphics for our games,” said one developer. “With this new system, developing graphics will take us at least five years per game. This is a major problem.”

The solution? FMV games.

That’s right; most of the major game companies have announced that their games for the Xbox 720 will be interactive movies, along the lines of Phantasmagoria (1995) and Heavy Rain (2010). 90% of the graphics will be composed of prerecorded video footage, which is cheaper than making graphics for the new system. Other companies have decided to forego graphics all together, and they are producing text-based games.

You heard it here on “Fabricated News,” folks. The Xbox 720’s graphics capabilities will be so good that they will destroy videogame graphics forever. Truly, it will be a sad day for videogames when this system is released.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back to looking at pictures of cute puppies.