How to Get Rid of All of Your Money on Videogames Chapter 3: Mobile Games

Anna's back again to give you some helpful advice on how to spend all of your money on videogames.

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This article contains some strong language

Inspired by Smimming’s articles on mobile games, I’ve decided to help you get rid of some of that cash you’ve been wrongfully hoarding. Maybe you did some Spring cleaning and found some change in the couch cushions or in your cookie jar. Deposit that shit and get on your phone!

You’re having a great time, playing one of your favorite mobile games and…oh…oh no…OH GOD THE HORROR! You’re OUT of ENERGY or LIVES or WHATEVER THE EQUIVALENT IS! A pop-up tells you it’ll only cost you two in-game currencies. But wait, how do you get those in-game currencies? By burning through your bank account with multiple purchases of $4.99 for a small handful of currencies so you can play your game and beat that level.

It ONLY costs $2.00 for 20 WHOLE RUBIES

Still finding some change? I mean, you could save it for laundry or a parking meter…or buy a game you already have that’s been ported to mobile devices! It doesn’t matter that you already have it on a larger screen that may or may not have more to it like voice acting, you want to play that game EVERWHERE you go!

You know how mobile games almost always sometimes have things or areas that are locked behind a giant wall? It’s impossible to get to unless you make a monetary offering to collapse this wall and claim your prizes! This will surely enhance your experience and make you play the game forever…as opposed to the maybe two days you were planning on playing it before never touching it again.

Still got some change left from yesterday’s dinner? Still stuck on that level you’ve been trying to get past in that match three game? Well, by now you’ve used up all those freebie power-ups the game gave you at your last level up. Good thing another one of those power-ups costs less than a dollar. Don’t worry, though! You’ll soon be buying more because you literally cannot beat the game without this power-up. It’s impossible and you’ll end up $50 poorer because of it.

And that’s how you can take a little bit of change and turn it into a pile that you’ve handed over for your sweet, sweet mobile gaming addiction.

  • Disclaimer: Please do not spend all of your money on videogames unless that is truly what you want to do. and its parent or subsidiaries are in no way responsible for actions taken after reading this article.
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Anna Bryniarski is a pretty uninteresting person with an interesting last name. She also has the best self esteem ever, right next to that casserole that's been in the fridge for weeks wondering why no one's eaten it. She's also definitely a Disney princess and GameCola's social media trash queen.

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