• The Vana’diel Diaries (August 2006)

    ...monsters and fight them faster. It may sound kind of cheap, but the practice is in such wide use it’s hard to judge. July 12 Last night was the big...

  • [NSFW] Mighty Final Fight (NES)

    ...Mighty Final Fight begins. Now it’s up to Cody, Guy, and Haggar to rescue poor Jessica, because apparently the people of the city are such sad fucks that they are...

  • The Mystery of Monkey Island

    ...and must defeat this evil villain yet again. The Curse of Monkey Island came out a number of years after the original two, as is clearly evidenced by the extreme...

  • Tekken 6 (X360)

    ...level. Cheap as chips, David Dickinson would say. Back onto the list of flaws, there’s the camera. The dodgy farkin’ camera. You can’t move the blasted thing when it’s in...

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    OMG-Z (PSN)

    ...this is number of zombies you need to kill in order to complete the level, but it’s actually the total number of zombies left (which scores you a platinum award...

  • Dear Readers: MAGFest 5

    ...20740 February 1, 2007 Number of videogame conventions I have attended: 4 Number of videogame conventions that have given me, completely unexpectedly, dog tags with the name “Paul ‘gamecola’ Franzen”...

  • Wii Fit (Wii)

    ...a lazy American gaijin, you are most likely one of those people, and that number is probably higher in the States. If you’re looking to finally crack down on your...

  • Digital Championship Wrestling: The Third Annual Dino Rikki Invitational Battle Royal

    ...this rumble started! Eric: Battle royal, Mr. Franzen, battle royal. We don’t need any legal problems. Paul: The number one entrant, Dewey, from that classic Wii title Dewey’s Adventure, is...

  • Jewel Knights Crusaders (PC) [NSFW]

    If you’re one of the many special people who have been wondering for years whether it’s possible to rape a woman and still be her friend, your long wait is...

  • Phantom Fighter (NES)

    ...this game for going slightly above the standards of NESdom (retrospectantly shallow programming, lame translations, short game time and low replay value in the modern world) for a number of...