... of the Month | GameCola

… of the Month: Irata’s Quest: Doomed Isle

Columns by Matt Gardner on January 1, 2004

A little while back, I was informed by my good buddy Paul that the ruler of Mean Hamster Software was having troubles coming up with the storyline to a video game he wanted to create, entitled Irata's Quest: Doomed Isle. Paul immediately went to the first person that came to mind to tell him the news, and after that person shot him down, he came to me. I got myself in touch with Mean Hamster's fearless leader, and before you knew it I had become the Robin to his Batman. We've been working out the basics of creating the game (in other words, he has been explaining how making a game for the Atari 5200 works) and sooner or later we will have ourselves an actual game. At this moment in time the game is going to be something like Legend of Zelda, only with an emphasis on puzzle solving rather than monster defeating. There will be multiple characters for the player to control in order to get passed various types of puzzles, as well. As more details are created by myself and the Overlords of the Mean Hamster, there very well may be an update or two in GC in the future; but for now, this tiny amount of information will have to be settled for.
… of the Month: GameCola Stationary

Columns by Matt Gardner on November 1, 2003

Yeah yeah, that's right! Your faaavorite webazine has its own stationary! In a perfect world, anyway. In this godforsaken hell-hole filled with NO GAMECOLA PAPER WHAT-SO-EVER, unfortunately, we do not. But it is something that is becoming increasingly necessary, and you must admit it would be awesome. Some of the various products we could have include: post-it notes (great for reminding the GameCola staff minus Paul to actually be on time for each issue), paper (with the GC logo in the upper corner, available in a variety of colors), postcards, swimsuit calendars, greeting cards, folders, notebooks, planners, posters, etc. You name it, and if its made out of paper (or anything else really, it doesn't matter), we will put our label on it! Now, as to whether or not this idea will ever take effect.. I really don't know. If it does get off the ground, I imagine it will be in the form of Paul writing "GC" on the top of some generic yellow post-its, and writing some angry message like "GET YOUR DAMNED ASSIGNMENTS IN YOU BUFFOONS!" However it works out, it's still an amazing idea and definitely worthy of its spot in this "...of the Month: hall of amazingness.
… of the Month: Pocky

Columns by Matt Gardner on October 1, 2003

For those of you who have never heard of Pocky, they are tasty little biscuit sticks covered in a dry whipped cream (more like yogurt, not whipped cream) toping of various flavors, such as strawberry, chocolate, or coffee. Are any of you readers fans of nuts besides Paul? If so, you will be happy to know that some varieties of Pocky come with almonds made right into the toping! These delicious treats are as easy to eat as pretzel sticks, and they don't have any of that annoying salt falling off all over you while you sit on your lazy bum, making them the perfect snack for video gamers. Just think of the possibilities... you are sitting in your sweatpants on the couch playing video games waiting for your date to show up for a romantic evening. He/She comes in, sees you sitting there, and all he/she can say is, "Oh my goodness! You have no crumbs on you at all! You are totally not the video game playing slob I thought you would be! I love you! Please make love to me all night long!!" Do you think any other snack could possibly have this effect? Could your precious sour cream and onion potato chips do this? Definately not. If you find yourself getting hungry and want to snack on something, do everyone a favor and get yourself some Pocky.
… of the Month: Pirates of the Caribbean

Columns by Matt Gardner on September 1, 2003

I'm sure many of you have seen this movie, which many would call the greatest pirate movie of all time, but in case you haven't, let me sum it up for you: Captain Jack Sparrow is awesome, and goes on a pirate adventure with swordsmith Will Turner. Any more information would spoil the movie, I'm afraid, and I just cannot do that to such a piratastic film. The characters were well portrayed by the actors, especially Captain Jack Sparrow, and keep your eyes glued to the screen wondering what they are going to do next. The story is filled with action, leaving out the ridiculously long and boring dialogue scenes that plague so many movies. The pirates in this movie, unlike in the video games, act very piratey (stealing, kidnapping, plundering, pillaging, arring, etc. etc.) and even turn ghostly, making for an exciting scene that captures the qualities of the actual ride. Piratey or not, this is a great movie and if you haven't seen it please get together whatever money you have and write the following sign and paste it on your back:
… of the Month: Miniature Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Figurines

Columns by Matt Gardner on June 1, 2003

Now you can have all the fun and excitement of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time in a manageable size!! These tiny figures pack a huge punch of adventure, and they are good for any situation!! Whether it be on a job interview or driving around in your car, it is always a good idea to have these little guys around!! They are each approximately small, and come in five different exciting action packed characters!! The characters are Link (adult), Link (child), Zelda (child), Ganondorf, and Poe!! These exciting mini-figures are limited in quantity and are extremely rare!! Supplies are limited so you better act quickly if you don't want to miss out on the chance of a lifetime!! This is the perfect gift for any fan!! Come on down to your local quarter machine arena and purchase yours today!
… of the Month: Game Boy Advance SP

Columns by Matt Gardner on June 1, 2003

The new Game Boy Advance SP, or G-BASP as I enjoy writing it, is quite an improvement upon the original. Although the original GBA was pocked-sized, depending on your pockets, this baby is even more pocket sized, for even smaller pockets!! The new laptopish design of this beauty allows for easier carrying, although some could complain about the way it feels in your hand while playing it, compared to the GBA (I personally think it's fine). The internal light is probably the best new feature, and it alone is worth buying it, as far as I'm concerned. The light can be turned on or off whenever you want, in case you were in a situation where you had plenty of light and didn't need the extra illumination. Instead of using AA batteries like the old GBA, the SP uses a battery pack that lasts for up to 18 hours without the light on, and 10 hours with it, and is rechargeable (recharger comes with the SP, by the way). You can buy the GBASP for about $100 new, and you can get a good chunk of that off if you trade in your old GBA at GameStop or some such store when you buy it.
… of the Month: Snapple Apple

Columns by Matt Gardner on May 1, 2003

Normally, I write my little "... of the Month" section about some sort of video game or video game related thing, but Snapple Apple is a worthy exception. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "Why would I want to try this drink? I've had apple juice before; I know what it tastes like." That's an understandable reaction, but you're wrong; sorry buddy. Snapple Apple is different from all other apple juices in one major way... it actually tastes like an apple. Now I know some of you Apple Jacks people will tell me that tasting like apple isn't everything, but this drink is far superior to any other apple beverages I've had, and believe me, I've had my share of apple beverages. The first time I tried this I was actually surprised that it tasted just like I had bitten into a nice fresh apple, and I'm sure all of you critics out there will feel the same way. So, if you are tired of all those meddling kids out there telling you that tasting like apple is a bad thing, go out to your local Snapple emporium and buy yourself a case of Snapple Apple... seriously, 100% of people polled love the stuff.
… of the Month: .hack//SIGN Vol. 1 Limited Edition Boxed

Columns by Matt Gardner on April 1, 2003

This boxed set of .hack merchandise was released by Bandai in an attempt to make lots of money off of crazed fans like myself... and it worked. The box is hexagonal and has various .hack//SIGN characters on it. Inside the box are all the evils of the world, along with some hope and a bunch of .hack items to please any fan of the series.
… of the Month: A Link to the Past

Columns by Matt Gardner on March 1, 2003

Some say that A Link to the Past was the best Zelda game made to this date, and I would have to agree with them.
… of the Month: Breath of Fire II

Columns by Matt Gardner on February 1, 2003

Breath of Fire II is every bit as good as the first one, if not better. If you've played the first you'll be familiar with soe of the towns (i.e. Windia) and characters (i.e. Nina) in this one. The battle system is also pretty much the same as the first, with random encounters and turn based fighting. The main difference is that your character formations is a diamond instead of a line. The story is quite interesting, and you'll be into it from the very beginning of the game. There are many new and interesting characters that join you on your quest, such as a big armadillo type man, a fierce cat girl, a dog with a crossbow, and a monkey with a knife (and come now, what could be more fun than a monkey with a knife? Nothing.) There are fun side things to do while you wander around the world (hunting, fishing, visiting a traveling circus, etc.), any many interesting items and spells to discover. If you are a fan of RPGs or dragons or fire.. or monkeys with knives.. or grass and water and shiny things and mountains with caves and fish and breathing or... anything, get yourself a Game Boy Advance or a Super Nintendo and pick up Breath of Fire II.