Archive for Tag: Paul Franzen
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Dear Readers: News Haikus
Columns by Paul Franzen on No Versus Mode this issue, so instead you get news haikus.
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Digital Championship Wrestling: Sephiroth vs. Zidane in a Scaffold Match
Columns by Paul Franzen on Paul: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the brand SPANKIN' new DCW arena! Dubbed "The James Pond Memorial Colliseum," our new crib has all of the state-of-the-art amenities---and yes, that does include cup holders on each and every seat.
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The Gates of Life: Chapter 37 – Gate of Seabears
Columns by Paul Franzen on Observer: Jonathan turns around and comes face to face with yet another pack of singing seabears. It’s too bad Enrique isn’t around to fight them. Oh, and five or 10 of these seabears are possibly zombies of old seabears. And also they came together a la Transformers to form a Gigantic Super Megazord Seabear. An invincible one, at that.
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Dear Readers: The Greatest GameCola Writer of All Time
Columns by Paul Franzen on There are many former and present GameCola writers who could be considered the greatest of all time. With alum such as Jenna Ogilvie and Neal Iannone, and with staff such as Eric Regan and Zack Huffman, it’d be nigh-on impossible for one lone man to figure out who, exactly, is the best. And yet, one lone man took this challenge, and his name is Paul Franzen.
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Digital Championship Wrestling: Cloud vs. Sepiroth vs. Yuna vs. Cid vs. Zidane vs. Tidus
Columns by Paul Franzen on Paul: We are joining you in progress here in lovely Sicklerville, New Jersey, live from Eric Regan's backyard! Cloud's on the rooftop dueling with that ancient Lufenian Cid, Zidane has her tail wrapped around Yuna's throat down in the grass, and Sephiroth's trying desperately to look cool while getting his ass handed to him by nancy boy Tidus.
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Dear Readers: Choose Your Own Dear Readers
Columns by Paul Franzen on This article was originally published in the August 2006 issue of GameCola, back when GameCola was published as a monthly online magazine. It is best viewed in its original format. Please click here
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Kingdom Hearts II (PS2)
Reviews by Paul Franzen on Where, oh where did you go wrong, my beloved Kingdom Hearts? You had such potential. You could have been one of the greats! And now look at you—you're just yet another sequel that absolutely did not
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Dear Readers: A Sheep Ate My Dear Readers
Columns by Paul Franzen on 
1 You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the Internet the other day. Well, OK, you may not find it that hysterical, but it had me in stitches, slapping my own rear end from the hilarity of it all.
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The Gates of Life: Episode 35 – DIE!!
Columns by Paul Franzen on Seconds 46-47: The sword finds its mark. Genericus is defeated.
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Mario Party 7 (GCN)
Reviews by Paul Franzen on Before we begin, a few select quotes from everyone's favorite source of opinionated fanjerks, GameFAQs: "Let's all still party like its 1999!" "We've done it all before, and it has been done before be