• North & South (NES)

    North & South really isn't a game that will hold your interest for longer than a commercial break.

  • [NSFW] Bill & Ted’s Excellent Video Game Adventure (NES)

    I've already shown you a few inevitable disasters that were licensed NES games. This month I give you Exhibit H.

  • Oh, the Humanity!: Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat: the movie did more than launch an irritatingly bad theme song that spent the latter half of the nineties being heard in Karate classes throughout the country. It also brought the first movie based on a video game that a majority of gamers thought was halfway decent. The thing is, most gamers have shitty taste in movies. How else would you explain the success of Japanese Anime?

  • Cool World (NES)

    The game doesn't hold your hand with simplistic differentiation between enemies and items that you can pick up.

  • [NSFW] Oh, the Humanity!: Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life

    I had some difficulty with my review of the first Tomb Raider, mostly because the movie was boring and just plain lackluster. The second Tomb Raider flick is moreso. Frankly, I had trouble paying attention, so I may have gotten some of the plot of this movie wrong.

  • [NSFW] Double Dare (NES)

    In the mid 1980s, Nickelodeon consisted of little more than You Can't Do That on Television re-runs from Canada and old Looney Tunes cartoons. It was a dark time for children's television. Although Yo

  • [NSFW] Oh, the Humanity!: Tomb Raider

    A few years ago, video game movies become popular again. Well actually, they didn't become popular so much as they become the next fad for Hollywood to blow millions of bucks trying to cash in on with really shitty movies. Tomb Raider is one of those movies. To play Lara Croft, Paramount got Angelina Jolie, who was fresh from having what I assume was about a gallon of Calogen injected into her lips.

  • Oh, the Humanity!: Super Mario Bros.

    About ten years ago, someone got the bright idea to make a movie based on the Super Mario Brothers video games. The only problem was that the games make no damn sense. Seriously, as awesome a game as it is, there really isn’t much more to it than running through the sewer and stomping on oversized turtles. Well, there’s also the part about eating mushrooms and saving a princess, but I’m entirely certain that that part of the game is real. Every time I eat mushrooms I end up believing that I’m on a quest to save some princess, only to find out that I had spent the last hour trying to smash turtles at the local pet store. Which, by the way, has a shithead for a manager who called the cops after I had already said that I was leaving.

  • Guerrilla War (NES)

    Che Guevara must ride a mine cart while rescuing Cubans with a lasso.

  • [NSFW] Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction (PS2)

    I'm a little out of my element when reviewing any videogame that was released after Clinton was elected President.