“Fabricated News” has a weird standing as a journalistic enterprise. The Game Developers’ Conference doesn’t recognize this column as “real” journalism, and neither does E3 (more on that in a future article). However, the one place that does think we’re totally legit is Archie Comics, who, I’m totally serious now, put us on their press release list after I wrote a column with “Josie and the Pussycats” as a tag. I’m about 90% sure they didn’t actually read my column, which is kind of a blatant attack on their company. Quote from my article:
“It was a simple decision to make,” said Archie Comics Head Editor W. Weatherbee. “We haven’t produced any Josie comics in years, because we’ve been too busy trashing the Archie Comics formula that’s worked for 50 years.”
Yeah, I have no idea how they read that and decided, “Hey, this seems like a good news outlet! Let’s keep them informed about what we do!” Sometimes, real news is so weird that I can’t fabricate it.
Anyway, the Archie folks just sent me the press release about their newest storyline, which, amazingly enough, directly confronts the problem that they haven’t produced any Josie comics in years.
Yes, coming this month, you can read Archie Comics #608 (slogan: We’ve been making comics so long even we don’t read them anymore!). Archie’s creatively-named band, The Archies, goes on tour with Josie and the Pussycats. It’s not long before Archie gives up on Betty and Veronica for Valerie Brown. For someone stuck in G-rated land, Archie is kind of a playboy, and [hilarious joke deleted because the Archie lawyers are super-uptight.]
Things get wacky when Archie asks for romantic advice from his friend Jughead, who—ha ha!—has never been on a date because he likes videogames more than girls! Then, things get even wackier when Archie’s girlfriends Betty and Veronica find out about the new girl. Then things get as wacky as possible when Archie does something stupid like ask all three girls out on a date…at the same time. Hee hee hee-larious!
Or there could be intense character development when it is revealed that Josie and Archie look so much alike because they’re cousins, but I really, really doubt it.
Of course, this counts as videogame news because there is an Archie videogame that has been in production since 2006. Here’s the trailer:
I’m sensing Game of the Year 2010 right now, folks! And of course, Crossover of the Year 2010, unless Rare surprises us with Banjo and Kazooie Meet the Simpsons this fall.
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