General Comments
I like the background design a lot, although the snowflakes look like someone rubbed them out. Of course, the King Koopa might have something to do with it…he dislikes GameCola for some odd reason.
– Gina
Pathetic, Paul! Sleep is for the WEAK! THE WEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!
– Eric
Maybe you shoulnt write when youre tired Paul..
– Father Time
DUDE that was seriously UNCOOL. You have scarred me for life! LIFE! I will never be the same.
– Eric
I really hope you liked my story eric!
– Father Time
this “publication” should not be allowed to have fan fiction ever EVER again
– D.D.
Though Steve had some clearly rather valid intelligent points…I think Eric wins this one…his arguments made more practical sense…which means the common denominator rules.
I think I’ve just revealed the secret of life or something.
– Gina
Paul: Ah, but Steve won their last encounter, I think! The world must eagerly await HAMNER/REGAN III.
Oh come on its so oibvous eric won this one, his arguments made much morse snese
– Father Time
As a male gamer, I would find this comic more accessible if there was more cleavage and perhaps a thong. Thank you.
– Cuddly Colin
So all women gaming designers are artists while all male gaming designers are completely lecherous gawkers… well that seems harsh, even if it is true.
– Gina
Guest review of Pferd & Pony: Mein Pferdehof
I commend you for reviewing this game. Paul Franzen should be shot for putting you through this torture if this was a requested assignment. If not, you should be complimented on your excessive yet elegant masochism. Horse breeding games as exciting gaming= fun doesn’t seem like a good financial move for any software company.
– Gina
Good review hwy are you just a guest reviewr?
– Father Time
WHAT!! You dare call the sex scene on Kratos’s boat “stupid.” I’m a woman and I even derived unfathomable gaming pleasure from that sequence! Or maybe I’m confusing my pleasures…I’ll get back to you on that…have to play God of War now!
– Gina
Joel: Sorry, just thought it was something that’s been done and wasn’t that cool in the first place. I don’t know, maybe I’ve just got different tastes. For instance I thought the Scary Movie franchise was insulting to my intelligence and sense of taste, but I crack up every time I watch The Big Lebowski.
A.E.’s review of Advance Wars: Dual Strike
The Advanced Wars series is great! I wish my friends with a DS had any interest in strategy games! Well…I don’t have any friends…but if I did I’d wish they had a DS and a copy of AW:DS =D
– Cuddly Colin
OK. I’ve played the first two Advanced Wars games for my Game Boy and I have to say “Yes, they require a strategic mind.” However, I could only see this being a wonderful addition to my DS collection—if I owned one (CRAP!)
Anywho—I would think the stylus would really make things far more accessible to the average gamer; but, then again, everyone wants a damn sword in their hand all the time! Oh well!
– Gina
You hit the audio and visuals on the game pretty hard. Are they really that bad?
Otherwise, I totally agree. Advance Wars is awesome.
– Steve
Matt F.’s review of Guitar Hero II
Great game! I may have no rhythm to speak of but I can still rock out to this game (in easy mode)
– Christian
You are a man with a passion in your heart. I hear it in the words as you talk of the worship we must give Harmonix for making these most awesome of games. My boyfriend got two new wireless guitar hero controllers for X-mas. I feel the power of the great music ship you’re referring to—it is almost like flashbacks of Gitaroo Man in my head.
– Gina
Matt F. Let us pray.
Dear Harmonix, bestoweth upon us thou holy game, that we mayeth play it in honour of thy glory and thy light.
Amen.
Steve’s review of Gears of War
Even though I’m a writer and I love story, what this lacks in extraordinary depth of story line more than makes up for it with brutal biting visuals and some rather insistent suspense. But I definitely had the feel at the beginning of the game that it was setting itself up to e a multi-sequel venture. Hey, the law of the gaming business is more is always better-shame that it is financially true.
– Gina
Steve: I (obviously) thought it was a tremendous game, but the lack of storyline is all that keeps it from the brass ring. (And I totally unlocked Insane this past weekend.)
Christian’s review of Bass Pro Shop’s Trophy Bass 2007
Can I sue if I actually electrocute my taint? That seems like something you don’t wanna recommend to impressionable children like me.
– Cuddly Colin
Christian: Oh no, I very much want to recommend it to impressionable children. In fact, I won’t rest until all the world’s children have trouble sitting due to self-inflicted electrocution.
Paul’s review of Sam & Max Season 1, Episode 2: Situation Comedy (PC)
Bad pun at the end automatically earns you a FAIL. FAIL I TELLS YA.
– Matt F.
Paul: See, actually, it’s my opinion that absolutely anything can be improved by a bad pun.
Maybe that’s why we only have six readers.
One very important thing happened during the duration I spent reading this review for this game: I learned a new word. I didn’t even know lawl was a word. I am so ruling in Scrabble next time I play it!
– Gina
Oh man, new Sam & Max. Why the hell is this not on my computer but Left Behind: Eternal Forces is? This problem will soon be remedied.
– Christian
You will be cured of the pun problem you have Paul, one day i assure you
– D.D.
The Wii rocks. You don’t know what you’re on about 😉
– Kevin
The Wii is horrible. You DO know what you are on about 🙂
– Matt F.
WII. I fear its whipping controller…it shall hit me in the face…just like my boyfriend said he would do if I didn’t buy him Twilight Princess. But I like the WII-WII. Yes. Yes. *sigh*
– Gina
testgame.exe: Making the Adventure
Good LUCK! Keep working hard! I promise I’ll play your game!
– Gina
I always enjoy your article. Please continue! Also—explain to me whether or not that is a toilet or that is a hand washing basin…because if that is a toilet I am claiming I am really that stupid!
– Gina
Richo: It’s a hand-washing thingy attached to the top of the toilet. Pretty common over here.
Captain Eric’s Super Thumb Feature Presentation
So much eric this month I love it!!! Thank you eric!!!!
– Father Time
Hey! This is the closest I’m gonna get to “Games I can play with my Girlfriend”; isn’t it? =P It’s a good addition to the line up, I like it =D.
– Cuddly Colin
I’d always avoided Guild Wars because of the hard-pushed PvP aspect of the game; I’m not really in the market for a medieval version of CounterStrike. But if there really is [gasp] a decent PvE component, -especially- if it’s single player I might just go grab this baby next time I see it. :O
– Dee
The real problem is that I want to desperately play WoW but every time I get down to it…I find I have no time even though a sixteen dollar deduction is coming out of my checking account every month!! But Guild Wars for all its beauty just didn’t hold me in its evil grasp like WOW-however, I would recommend it for the casual gamer as well. It is a nice entry level MMORPG.
– Gina
I just installed Nightfall a few hours ago. I really dig the “no monthly fees” thing. If only City of Heroes did that I’d probably play it instead.
– Christian
I have actually played some of the older ones in this article, and even as a Christian I say they royally suck the big one.
Welcome to GameCola, btw ^_^
– Matt F.
Christian: Well, I can certainly sympathize now that I spent so much time playing these games. I think if I were a Christian and Wisdom Tree came up to me and said “hey, we made this game for you, it’s called ‘King of Kings,'” I’d probably say “uh, yeah, thanks but, um, I hear the Muslims were looking for their own game, how about giving it to them.”
“Oh when the Saints, oh when the saints come marching in…OH Lord I want to be in that number…when the Saints come marching in.”
Thank you for this exhibition of self-torture…I never laughed so hard in my life especially since I’m an ex-Fundamentalist Christian.
– Gina
Christian: Self torture is right. I chose to do these games and that Xbox fishing game in the review section this month. I may be a closet masochist.
Nice article. The only thing I love more than video games are FREE video games. I scour the interweb for ’em.
– Christian
I hope the streebs win that other one needs to come back
– Father Time
Its not that I’m opposed to sticking things in my butt its just the inconvenience of having to wash it before I could smoke again
– Crust
Actually, I thought the opinion on the Wii was the opposite; everyone is singing the praises for the Wii and bludgeoning anything else as second rate. There is hardly any criticism voiced for it, with most people saying that its the best thing since first learning how to masturbate.
– Matt F.
Trick questions, all of them! The new TNMT Movie does not exist! IT DOESN’T DAMN IT! And second of all, the best Ninja Turtle is neither a Ninja, nor a Turtle, he is a street thug in a hockey mask who likes to beat shit with clubs…that’s right, none other than Casey Jones, thank you, I’ll be accepting my prize now.
– Cuddly Colin
Matt: Godammit, fuck you Cuddly Colin.
I like leonard o the best
– Father Time
First of all, I really don’t like the bastardized manga restyling they did on the Turtles. They look like annoying preteens who haven’t grown into their shells. Gross.
Secondly, I am in love with Michaelangelo. The end.
– Jamie
The 2006 Interactive Video Entertainment Awards
Wow those are some good choicesa though I’m surprisec halo didn’t win anything
– Father Time
Steve: I lobbied for a “Coolest Game with the Name Halo” category, but Paul wouldn’t bite.
Eric Versus the Dinosaur
By Father Time
Fresh from his defeat of the old man eric decided to seek out a dinosaur and destroy it. He first had to travel back in time which was hard but he did it. The old man it turne dout had had a time machine so after he was defaeted he took it over and traveled back through time.
He foudn the dinosaur he was looking for pretty quickly, it was a tyroanosurus rex. He called up to it but the dinosaur did not hear him becuase of course dinoaurs do not speak english. He yelled a little louder but he did not even get the fiends attention. He climbed up the dinosaurs leg. Then he noticed him.
The dinosaur tried to kick the great eric away but it did not work, eric clung on for dear life. Eric then climbed up further until he reached the dinosaur’s head. He then pulled out his trusted sword and stabbed the dnisaor right in the eye. The dinosaur fell, and eric was victirous THE END.
– Father Time
