(Editor’s note: This article was originally published in the August 2007 issue of GameCola, back when GameCola was published in a monthly online magazine format.)
GameCola Headquarters
Tabernacle, NJ 08088
August 1, 2007
Dear Readers,
My Fanzens! Welcome, my teeming Fanzens, to your number-one source of videogame fairy tales, furries, and hentai boobs: GameCola.net. We’ve got one humdinger of a newsletter for you this month, let me tell you. Not that I should have to—I can’t remember the last edition of GameCola that failed to engage in humdinging. But, before I start to overdo the hyperbole, I’ve got a tale.
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, a Web site known as “GameCola” had what they called “forums.” GameCola like these “forums” well enough; its members posted on them often enough. They talked about GameCola columns, such as The Gates of Life and testgame.exe: Making the Adventure, and they frolicked. Oh, how they frolicked! They played “Three Word Story” and “Hurt/Heal.” They even posted pictures of their pets.
And then…tragedy struck.
Spammers flooded the forums, creating several fake accounts a day and making several innane posts a day, requesting that the good posters visit their donkey sex Web sites. And no good members did; but still, the spammers came. There was no end to the spammers. They wouldn’t listen to reason. They didn’t care that nobody was clicking on their links.There was no way to defeat them, except for one.
These forums—this playground for the dear Readers of GameCola—were destroyed. Annihilated. Deleted. It was the only way, and everyone was sad.
And then…then, there was a miracle.
Kevin Leacock, savior from above, rebooted the forums. Using new software and new hardware and new…who the hell knows, it was some computer thing…he forged the forums again. Better. Stronger. Prettier. And then Mother Earth stopped crying.
These forums—these mythical message boards—can be found right here, and I implore you, the Reader, to post on them.
The end.
And, by “the end,” I mean that we’ve now reached the part of Dear Readers where I tell you what’s in store for you in this new issue! We’ve got many a special treat for you this month in GameCola, not the least of which is a special guest appearance by a GameCola alumnus! That’s right; Brian Vanek, formerly of You Learn Something New Every Play, is stepping in alongside Michael Gray as co-writer of this month’s Versus Mode.
But that’s not all! We’ve also got, for the very first time ever, video content. Gina Holechko, our PR Manager, earned her generous GameCola paycheck last month by visiting Chicago science-fiction convention DucKon and handing out fliers for everybody’s favorite Webazine. And, this month, for your entertainment, she’s provided us with a brief YouTube video that documented her efforts.
And she’s not the only one providing us with video content! Check out Richo’s Low-Rent Adventures in Japan this month for some spectacular clips about the God-awful things they put on their pizza in the Far East.
And as if that wasn’t enough to quench your thirst for videogame entertainment, we’ve also got not one, but TWO videogame reviews this month that take the form of a poem. No, seriously.
….
Seriously.
We’ve also got the debut of Michael Gray’s new column, The Ten Reasons; the second edition of Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb; Part Two in Top of the Heap’s recurring series on Games Nobody Remembers Based on Licenses Nobody Remembers, and at least like, four other articles.
Enjoy! Also post comments and rate the articles. But, mostly, enjoy.
Love,
Paul Franzen
editor in chief
e-mail: pfranzen@gamecola.net
