Dear Readers: Gamebeard

Mike: Hey Vangie, remember when we used to write for that site? You know, the one with the guy with the beard…actually a lot of the guys had beards…Gamebeard! That was it!

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(Editor’s note: This article was originally posted to GameCola’s main site during our six-month-long hiatus.)

GameCola’s Maryland Branch
Baltimore, MD 21211

December 2, 2009

Mike: Hey Vangie, remember when we used to write for that site?

Vangie: Which site?

Mike: Oh, you know, the one with the guy with the beard…actually a lot of the guys had beards…Gamebeard! That was it!

Vangie: I don’t think I ever wrote for “Gamebeard.” I mean, I don’t have a beard. I will never have a beard. Why would I write for a site about beards?

Mike: No, you wrote about all our wacky misadventures…with beards…

Vangie: OK, dispensing with the beards, that does sound vaguely familiar. What was that other thing you said?

Mike: About my wacky misadventures? (Aside: I do so love my wacky misadventures!)

Vangie: No…games. You mentioned something about games.

Mike: Oh, right! That other, other site we used to write for. GameCola! Still lots of beards there too, as I recall. I wonder what happened to that one.

Vangie: As I recall, it had to something to do with a misguided attempt to make the site “better and more fun” for users.

Mike: You know, I’ve heard the head editor of that site only feels joy when he makes big promises and then breaks them. And our hearts.

Vangie: Well, I heard that he was still trying. Apparently, the new GameCola is not dead yet. He sent out an e-mail to the staff about it just the other day.

Mike: Yeah, he tried to send me a picture of the new site…but truth be told, I think it was just a picture of his cat in a pair of sunglasses.

Eary picture of the new site

Vangie: Ooh, kitty! Good idea!

Mike: Vangie, stop Googling pictures of kitties…wait, wait go back! Hah! Oh, that Ninja Cat… < chuckles>

Vangie: What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, GameCola!

Mike: We like GameCola.

Vangie: We are devoted readers AND writers of GameCola.

Mike: We visit GameCola all the time.

Vangie: (Now dear, it’s not nice to lie.)

Mike: Ahem…GO TO GAMECOLA!!!

Mike: Although, technically, they’re already at GameCola if they’re reading this.

Vangie: Ah. Forgot about that.

Mike: Well…Thank you, Loyal Internet Audience? We appreciate you humoring us.

Vangie: And Paul.

Mike: Paul! That’s it! THAT was the guy with the beard!

Vangie: Right. Seriously, though, the new site will be up soon. Testing has actually begun! And there is lots to look forward to. Old favorites will be back…

Mike: Like “Quantum Geek!”

Vangie: And “Gamer Girlfriend.”

Mike and Vangie: …and a bunch of other stuff.

Vangie: Plus podcasts and blog updates.

Mike: And brand new features that can only be done justice in the format of a true website.

Vangie: Because that’s why Paul scrapped the old format.

Mike: Right. That, and the coup.

Vangie: I’m looking at you, Zach Rich.

Mike: Don’t worry, it will be a failed state within a matter of weeks…days…maybe hours…

Vangie: Ahem. So anyway, stay tuned. It’s almost here.

Mike: It’s right over the horizon!

Vangie: In the meantime, we leave you with a picture of Paul Franzen…

Mike: To direct your hate at.

Paul Franzen

Vangie…and a kitty.

Mike: To direct your sorrow at. Kitties make everything better.

Vangie: They really do.

kitty

Mike: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some wacky misadventures to get back to.

Vangie: And I have to go follow him around with a notepad and pencil. (Not really.)

Mike: (from the other room) Hey Vangie, what do we have that’s flammable?

Vangie: Sigh. Anyway, Dear Readers, please continue to be patient, and keep the faith. We’ll see you soon.

Love,

Mike and Vangie
Staff Writers
GameCola.net


And now, here’s what you missed if you weren’t keeping up with the GameCola blog in November of 2009:

  • comic by Michael Gray about the whereabouts of the new site. Spoiler alert! He has no idea where it is. Neither does anyone else.
  • Mike Ridgaway-only edition of The GameCola Podcast, in which he plays through the first level of Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time.
  • Michael Gray fanfiction about Phoenix Wright and Nancy Drew (sadly, not in the same story).
  • review by Mike Ridgaway of Little King Story for the Wii, which is apparently not the same thing as LittleBigPlanet or My Life as a King.
  • Video playthroughs of the UK-exclusive puzzles from Professor Layton and the…Mysterious VillageMysterious? Man, British people are weird.
  • review by Mike Ridgaway of A Boy and His Blob for the Wii. According to fellow GC staff writer Lizo, this game is a contender for Game of the Year in the 2009 GameCola awards.
  • post by Paul Franzen about how all turn-based RPGs should be remade as action RPGs. He is so right.
  • The GameCola Podcast #17, in which Matt Jonas, Nathaniel Hoover, Michael Gray, Paul Franzen, and Elizabeth Medina-Gray talk to themselves (but not each other!) about the PS3 price cut, licensed games, and the games they were all playing at the time.
  • GameCola’s arrival on Twitter and TVTropes. We would’ve joined Twitter earlier, but Paul still thought it was funny to call Twitter users “twats,” and we were waiting for him to get over it.
  • Videos of all the deaths from The Adventures of Willy Beamish, a game that some GC staff members are still too terrified to play, even though it came out in the Middle Ages.
  • preview of the upcoming DS game Miles Edgeworth: Ace Attorney: Investigations.Exclusive! A GameCola-exclusive preview! Pay attention, because that’s the last timethat’s ever gonna happen.
  • recipe for Lizo’s World-Famous Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies. (You’d understand their relevance if you’d listened to GameCola Podcast #17.)
  • A Very GameCola Thanksgiving, courtesy of Nathaniel Hoover.
  • The things Mike Ridgaway is thankful for this Thanksgiving. Somehow, he forgot to mention beards.
  • The debut article of GameCola newcomer Justin Luschinski, who talks about the Half-Life 2 mod Pirates vs. Vikings vs. Knights. What, no ninjas?
  • Michael Gray’s “Carbonated News” column for November 2009, in which he somehow sneaks in a jab at President Obama’s healthcare plan.
  • The controversial “Dear Readers” column by Meteo Xavier that was—no, seriously!—too extreme to be posted to the main site.
  • complete video walkthrough of Final Fantasy VI Advance by Michael Gray. It’s 111 videos long.
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