Collectors of rare videos and GameCola history aficionados are in for a treat today because we have a piece of GameCola history right here: the last contribution Paul Franzen made to the site before disappearing off into the woods to write My Little Pony fanfiction. You know what they say, though: all good things must end, and also terrible things, too, like wars and referring to yourself as the “Pony Pros”. With Paul gone, it is officially time to say goodbye to the Pony Pros, destroy the moniker, set it on fire, and bury it in some unmarked tomb to never be found again.
While we cry manly tears for the departure of Paul and his magnificent beard, join us in our playthrough of the 999 sequel (and much better game) Zero Escape: Virtue’s Last Reward. If you needed any other reason to watch these videos (is honoring Paul’s legacy not enough, YOU MONSTER?), check out all the content you can find in the first three videos of our however-long-this-takes series:
- Michael, Paul, and Nikola reunite, only to have Paul ruin everything within ten seconds by shouting “Pony Pros” over and over.
- Hey, whoever got Paul a Harry Potter Snuggie for Christmas: Paul hated your gift and would rather have been kidnapped.
- Sigma wakes up in a room with a girl he doesn’t know but who already knows his name, and surprisingly it isn’t the result of a one-night stand.
- Surprise! It’s time for the second season of everyone’s favorite game show…THE NONARY GAME! (C’mon four seasons and a movie.)
- Intro room puzzles are already better than anything we found in 999.
- Is…is no one really going to say anything about the woman without a shirt? (Well, besides Paul.)
- Michael may or may not confess to eating out of his neighbor’s garbage. Please contribute to the “Buy Michael a Sandwich” Kickstarter.
- One last time, Michael and Paul have an intense debate about proper character shipping (Sigma and Luna forevah).
- Paul spends the last twenty minutes coloring. Color theory is broken and science is forced to apologize.
- Sigma is a master of mixology, and Paul is a master of terrible ideas.
- What do cowboys look like again?
- Time to play the Ambidex ga—OH GOD IS THAT A CORPSE?!
- K is the number-one suspect, because robot hands are the same thing as knife hands.
- Paul accuses everyone of being Zero, including the little kid, the old man, and Inspector Gadget.
- The Ambidex Game is awesome and starts off some interesting dialogue about the Prisoner’s Dilemma.
- No, seriously, it is awesome. Can we just do that again?
- Michael ruins his chances with Luna by betraying her.
- Michael and Nikola say a teary-eyed goodbye to Paul. Or they would’ve, if he would have told them he was leaving.
- Michael and Nikola take over the commentary on their own, and there is a 100% decrease in people complaining about how annoying Paul’s voice is.
- We discover Michael’s dream job: owning and operating a burrito stand.
- We finish the Dio ending, and confirm that old maxim of never trusting a cowboy in a top hat.
All the sexy, sexy content is just a click away. Plus cavewoman hookers! How could you say no to cavewoman hookers? Just check below for all the Virtue’s Last Reward goodness you could possibly want. [Editor’s note: And click here for some surplus goodness.] Come join us. We know you want to.