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The Gates of Life: Episode 58 – No Lips?
Columns by Paul Franzen on
...Narrators United Doom Squad? Rivers: Maybe…maybe putting your newish penis too good use…with them?! Render: Hey, for all you know, they might be chicks. Rivers: Good point. Wait, where are...
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The Gates of Life: Episode 55 – Narrators Gone Wild
Columns by Matt Gardner on
...apparently evil, narrator onto the world, and bring together the Narrators United Doom Squad. This group’s reasons for being were yet unknown, though they seemed to include both taking over...
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The Gates of Life: Episode 56 – Eww?
Columns by Paul Franzen on
...Narrators United Doom Squad, whose sole purpose was to take over every world in existence in order to punish people for ignoring their narrators. Rivers, Render Girl, and Bar-Bar, unsure...
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FIFA Soccer 06 (PS2)
Reviews by Steve Hamner on
...to the gaming experience, more complex controls are required. The modern sports game must strike a balance between a realistic simulation and control that doesn’t require 12 double-jointed fingers. FIFA...
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Figure Fours and Magic Eights: WWE WrestleMania XXII
Columns by Paul Franzen on
...and The Big Show, via pinfall after a chokeslam at 8:01. Chris Benoit (def.) vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield for the United States Championship Chris Benoit’s cheating ways might have been...
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Road Rash 3: Tour De Force (SG)
Reviews by Eric Bell on
...writhing on the pavement in pain. Wait, what do you mean that’s sadistic? The game is strung out over five levels that each have five locations to race at—Brazil, United...
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Carbonated News (December 2004)
News Posts by Paul Franzen on
– The remake of one of Genesis’ most popular titles that I’ve never played, Altered Beast, is sadly no longer slated to come to the United States. I know you’re...
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Carbonated News (May 2004)
News Posts by Paul Franzen on
...ports for GBA are Balloon Fight, Dr. Mario, Adventure Island, Ghosts ‘n’ Goblins, and Clu Clu Land. The first set of titles is set to be released in the United...
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Carbonated News (July 2002)
News Posts by Paul Franzen on
...disc, for the Playstation One. This game is never, ever coming out in the United States, and we should all cry about it. A lot. ‘Cause that would be cool...
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Versus Mode: Carmen Sandiego vs. The Oregon Trail
Columns by Paul Franzen on
...subject I’ve conceived is a worthy one. A battle between two titles many of us were raised on—I know I can’t be the only out there who spent much of...