Archive for Tag: Matt Gardner

  • The Gates of Life: Episode 57 – Background Information: No Spooning Render’s 3 Lost Bros

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    PoCoN: Guess what? I’m not leaving! I’m the best narrator this story has, and the best writer of TGoL clearly agrees with me and is going to keep putting me in the story no matter how many times that other writer tries to puff me back to backstage.

  • Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am (PS2)

    Reviews Reviews by Matt Gardner on

    This is going to be a simple review (to write; harder to read), because there is only one point that needs to be made about this game. Normally, I state such points right after I make statements like

  • … of the Month: More Minigames That Also Happen to be Stand-alone Games, for Example: Pong

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    Request to Developers of the Month: More minigames that also happen to be stand-alone games, for example: Pong For example, Pong. Three simple words that started a revolution. It was August of 1967...

  • … of the Month: Unknown and Underappreciated

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on Comments2

    Do you remember that commercial that came on the other day for that amazing new 9$ (That’s right, the dollar sign is after the 9. My mind says nine dollars, not dollars nine, and I’m tired of mindlessly lending my support to bullshit that is, quite frankly, OUT OF ORDER) game that you can only get by downloading it from the PlayStation online store? If you do, you probably also shit your pants every time you see a cop driving down the opposite side of the highway, because you are sure that he noticed the 15 dollars (15$) worth of marijuana you have stashed under the passenger seat, and it’s only a matter of time before he spins around and skids through the grassy (get it?) median to come after you.

  • The Gates of Life: Episode 55 – Narrators Gone Wild

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on Comments1

    Render Girl: That's not how this was supposed to go down! You were definitely just supposed to give me my penis back.

  • Ape Quest (PSP)

    Reviews Reviews by Matt Gardner on Comments1

    I think this game may be setting a record for being the most mediocre game I have ever reviewed. Are we allowed to come to the realization that we've captured the essence of the entire game in just on

  • … of the Month: New Year Content Drive [NSFW]

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    All right. The premise is simple! This is the first normal issue of the new year, and I would like to know what direction the Franbase (see, I can make up Franzen-based buzzwords, too. BTW, 10 points to whoever makes up the best fan-centric buzzword based on the name of someone currently on staff. Ready?.... GO!) wants to see GameCola go in. I know there was that whole furry stir some months back, but I’m pretty sure Gina blacklisted us on all of the online furry communities, so it looks like nothing will come of that. A shame, really.

  • Jewel Knights Crusaders (PC) [NSFW]

    Reviews Reviews by Matt Gardner on Comments4

    If you’re one of the many special people who have been wondering for years whether it’s possible to rape a woman and still be her friend, your long wait is finally over. Ginji whateverthefuckhisnameis, hero of Jewel Knights Crusaders, will show you all the moves you need to know to get started ripping up virgin … Continue reading "Jewel Knights Crusaders (PC) [NSFW]"

  • … of the Month: Ancient GameCola

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    Whatever happened to Julie…Jenna….something or other who did a comic strip about a woman oppressed by the male game designers of the world? You know, the one with a naked picture of herself as her staff photo. Those comics were kind of amusing. More so than Loafy Carl. I know what happened to Loafy Carl, so I won’t ask about that.

  • The Gates of Life: Episode 53 – This Gate is a Trap

    Columns Columns by Matt Gardner on

    DNN: See that castle up there? We need to get to that castle. Just climb aboard this giant antelope butterfly.