[NSFW] Crystalis D&Dcast – Part 4: Like Stealing +9 Armor From a Baby

Kelbesque. Killing. Kleptomania. It's the fourth installment of GameCola's Crystalis-themed Dungeons & Dragons podcast!

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Crystalis-Title-4Story Navigation: | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 |

After sending at least one guard out naked and probably screaming down the icy mountain, heartless jerks Alex “Zebu” Jedraszczak, Christian “Tornel” Porter, Vangie “Asina” Ridgaway, and Mike “Kensu” Ridgaway proceed to ruin the lives of several other working stiffs.


In this boss-battling installment, you’ll hear…

  • The incredible things an old man can do when he rolls natural 20s.
  • Random enemy weapons that are inexplicably more powerful the party’s magical elemental überswords.
  • The inevitable Mega Man reference you’ve been expecting from me.
  • Something we always wanted to do in the original game, but never could: Use the Crystalis sword against General Kelbesque! Or, really, against any enemy—we had the sword for, like, all of two minutes. Jeez.
  • Mystery sausage. I honestly don’t know where it came from.
  • I get sick! But it happens after the session. And has nothing to do with mystery sausage.

…and much, much more! You won’t even realize the party stays in the same room for an entire hour.

The adventure continues here!

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About the Contributor

Since 2009

Nathaniel Hoover is almost certainly GameCola's most verbose staff member, and arguably the most eclectic. As administrator of the GameCola YouTube channel (GCDotNet), occasional contributor to every article category on the site, and staff editor, you're pretty much stuck with him wherever you go. Sorry.


  1. Greatly anticipating the next town, which sounds like is coming up soon! Hopefully there will be even more moutains to intimidate and perhaps even an ice hill down to the community… who knows?

    Also, hope you feel better soon Nathaniel!

  2. Aw… You didn’t sing the Captain Planet theme song.
    Get well soon Nathanial! (If you are not already back to good health.)

  3. Thanks, gents! I’m gradually getting better, though the next installment will be pretty delayed for various reason. Hang in there!

    (And maybe we’ll have a Captain Planet sing-along the next time we assemble Crystalis.)

    1. Just how delayed will this be? I’m not trying to be rude by asking this, it’s just a question, as I really enjoyed it, and want more. I’ve noticed that there are supposedly ten parts, so I assume you didn’t just end this podcast and never continue. Did you?

      1. That’s entirely up to Jeddy! I can only assume he got fed up with my unreasonable editing demands and quit the staff. We’ve got SIX more parts lined up, all of which have the posts already written, four of which have images already added, and two of which are just waiting to be blessed by the Audio Angel for prime time.

        1. Oh, you were waiting for me?! I thought we were good to go. I’ll check over those last two to make sure…!

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