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  • Contra ReBirth (WiiWare)

    Reviews Reviews by Matt Jonas on Comments6

    ...you will destroy hundreds upon thousands of aliens, soldiers, and robots, whilst avoiding millions of bullets, and if you’re good enough, you will see the end. Narrative Contravene Contra ReBirth...

  • Inappropriate Llama Disaster

    Videos Videos by Paul Franzen on Comments2

    ...time to DEPLOY THE LLAMA! Why? According to the developers: “the stupid llama made us all laugh.” Purchase it now to unlock the special diamond llama! I love this game....

  • Contra (NES)

    Reviews Reviews by Mark Freedman on Comments3

    ...when you cross Schwarzenegger and Stallone, and if you haven’t seen The Expendables yet, I highly recommend it. This game is also available on XBLA, but it’s not the NES...

  • Quantum Geek: Episode 3 – This Mortal Coil

    Columns Columns by Michael Ridgaway on Comments1

    ...life that I am in Contra. Contra, the hardest damn game that’s ever existed, Contra. Contra, get hit once by one of the myriad flying projectiles and you die, Contra....

  • 0wning the Competition: 0wning Your Parents

    Columns Columns by Kay Leacock on

    ...going <cmantito> o/` HERE’S A LLAMA THERE’S A LLAMA <cmantito> AND ANOTHER FUZZY LLAMA <cmantito> LLAMA LLAMA CHEESECAKE LLAMA <cmantito> LLAMA LLAMA DUCK o/` <cmantito> I should just run upstairs...

  • [NSFW] Three Dirty Dwarves (SAT)

    Reviews Reviews by Travis Combs on

    ...frames in each of the characters. The Dump level in particular has machinery gnashing away, and enemies with intricate metal contraptions and weapons strapped all over their bodies. Well, there’s...

  • Top of the Heap: Games Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme

    Columns Columns by Christian Porter on

    ...month I’ve officially given up, because this month’s heap is all about games starring The Muscles from Brussels, Jean-Claude Van Damme. Universal Soldier (SNES) We all know how awesome Contra...

  • Quantum Geek: Episode 4 – Final Oxymoron VII

    Columns Columns by Michael Ridgaway on Comments1

    The situation had taken a radical turn for Tom. After barely surviving his experiences in Contra and Super Mario Bros., he had been deposited by IDEAS in Final Fantasy VII...

  • Versus Mode: Mega Man 9, PS3’s Price, Gaming Naked, and More

    Columns Columns by GameCola on Comments2

    ...nearly $200, it’s a different story. However, Harmonix seems to be taking all strides to provide a worthwhile upgrade. Apparently all the original songs (and I’m guessing downloadable songs) can...

  • That’s So Cliché: Smacked Edition

    Columns Columns by The Ominous Voice on

    ...this, and it’s beyond acceptable. In Contra games, when you run into an enemy, you die. How is this even possible? It’s not as though the enemy soldier was dashing...