Archive for Author: Paul Franzen
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The Gates of Life: Episode 54 – Rendered Asunder
Columns by Paul Franzen on 
1 Disguised Neo-Narrator (DNN): Flying around the completely floorless Castle of Wonderment on their giant antelope butterfly, Rivers and DNN came across Render Girl, who, unbeknownst to anyone but her, had just put the finishing touches on the ingenious mechanism she had designed for the sole purpose of keeping Rivers and DNN at bay.
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Dear Readers: The Janish.
Columns by Paul Franzen on With that out of the way, I'd like to...what the hell. The link doesn't work anymore! WHY doesn't the link work anymore! It was so cool...it...it had me, Travis, Colin, and Terrence as elves, dancing around and singing and telling everyone—in goofy voices—to "enjoy the January issue." And now it's GONE. Why! Why would OfficeMax do this to me! I'm calling for a ban on OfficeMax. It is ON, paper supplies store. I never loved you as much as Staples.
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The 2007 GameCola Videogame Awards
Columns by Paul Franzen on 3 Remember that thing we did last year? We did it again this year. The GameCola staff got together for some hardcore extreme voting action, and, once the bits were settled, we had some basic idea of wh
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Digital Championship Wrestling: The Third Annual Dino Rikki Invitational Battle Royal
Columns by Paul Franzen on Ladies and gentlemen, WELCOME, to GameCola's Sixth Annual New Year's Awards Special. And welcome, more importantly, to this year's edition of the DCW Dino Riki Invitational battle royal!
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Digital Championship Wrestling: “Who Can Stop Me?” Challenge: Mr. Domino vs. Prince of all Cosmos
Columns by Paul Franzen on Welcome, gamefans from all over the universe, to another exciting edition of Digital Championship Wrestling—which is, as far as I'm concerned, the ONLY wresting federation to regularly feature Sonic the Hedgehog as a competitor.
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The Gates of Life: Episode 52 – Beautiful!
Columns by Paul Franzen on Rivers: Wow, look at all those giant forest cacti! And the sour apple lollipop ice fountains! And look, there are some dancing summer spring antelope butterflies! This place is a dream come true!
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Dear Readers: Write For Me, Part 2: Paul in a Bikini!
Columns by Paul Franzen on Thanks to the enormous success of last month's flow charts, we now—officially—have one whole, new, entire new writer who will start writing for us next month in the January issue. And hey, that's not bad. Not bad at all.
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Dear Readers: Write For Me, Part 1: Flowcharts!
Columns by Paul Franzen on I have nothing more to say to you. By which I mean, I do have more to say. To you. But I'm not happy about it. Saying things to you, that is. I'd rather not, actually—frankly, I'm upset, and if you don't know why, maybe it's about time we reconsidered where this relationship is going.
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Digital Championship Wrestling: Diablo vs. a Chocobo
Columns by Paul Franzen on Welcome, gamefans all across this great globe, to another enthralling edition of Digital Championship Wrestling! I'm Paul Franzen here at ringside, and with me, in more way than one, is "Captain" Eric Regan.
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Dear Readers: Go on a Little Early
Columns by Paul Franzen on Are you ready? I said...ARE...YOU..READY?? Well, then, that's excellent! We've got a new issue of everyone's favorite non-carbonated 'Cola ready right here, as you might've noticed, so, if you, yourself, are not entirely ready...you're a jackass. Stop making us wait! We're friggin' ready!