[NSFW] Crystalis D&Dcast – Part 5: Don’t Entrust Your Corpse to These Heroes

Portoa. Power-leveling. Pickaxes. It’s the fifth installment of GameCola’s Crystalis-themed Dungeons & Dragons podcast!

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Crystalis-Title-5Story Navigation: | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 |

Crystalis 5Having valiantly fended off General Kelbesque and his soldiers, Alex “Zebu” Jedraszczak, Christian “Tornel” Porter, Vangie “Asina” Ridgaway, and Mike “Kensu” Ridgaway finally, finally, FINALLY leave the mountain that was supposed to be a 15-minute warmup for the rest of the adventure.

It’s only Part 5.

Crystalis Kensu Power-Leveling

In this ecosystem-decimating installment, you’ll hear…

  • Socially unacceptable downhill sledding
  • Conclusive evidence that improvised geographical descriptions are not my strong suit
  • The innkeeper’s discount cemetery
  • Kensu heading out to the killing fields to slay monsters and level up, like this is a videogame or something
  • An exchange between a commoner and Zebu about his hometown, which still makes me laugh
  • Copious beard-stroking

…and much, much more! I’m sure you’ll love it enough to overlook the fact that I did not spend nearly enough time preparing for this session.

The adventure continues here!

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About the Contributor


Since 2009

Nathaniel Hoover is almost certainly GameCola's most verbose staff member, and arguably the most eclectic. As administrator of the GameCola YouTube channel (GCDotNet), occasional contributor to every article category on the site, and staff editor, you're pretty much stuck with him wherever you go. Sorry.

6 Comments

  1. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I am THE biggest dork. I just noticed Kensu’s lightning bolts were facing the wrong direction in the fake screenshot above, so I redid half the image just to flip them. I don’t know if it’s worse that I went to all that trouble, or that I noticed in the first place…

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